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neflin · 12-30-2005, 11:46 AM

I thought when I was younger and bringing up the children and dealing with the stress of making a husband happy and keeping all things working smoothly were the toughest years. I was wrong. I am finding that these are really very confusing years. I do not even know how old is old and how young is young. I go to the beauty shop every five weeks so that they can work their wonders on me so that I am attractive (in a way) to my husband and the young women like to crowd around me and talk as they say I am young for my age and am fun to talk to. This even confuses me worse. They constantly ask me about growing older and my life with my husband as they are searching and want to know what their life will be at this age. I do not know what to tell them. What do you say? They do not know and want to know. I just tell them that it is no different with us than it is with their husbands. This is all part of the aging issues but when I leave the beauty parlor I do not feel good as I feel older as they have made me feel like I am some kind of an old person who is not supposed to enjoy life because she is older.

This is my hardest time. I am too old to be young and too young to be old. I am just having a terrible time of it. Society says that I am supposed to act old yet I feel so young and alive and am so far from aging that it is not funny. When I was younger I thought when I got to this age I would probably be near dead. I can remember my Grandmother died a year earlier than I am and even though I am a Grandmother I am more important a woman who loves life and her husband. I never thought in the deepest corner of my mind that I would have the feelings in life that I have now.
It is the most puzzling time of my life. I never knew this would have existed.

I wonder if there are other women or men out there my age who are having this terrible time at this point in life. I think often of the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Not that I am one of those women in the movie that sits in a circle with a mirror to learn her vagina as I do not have that problem but just the women in general in the movie facing growing older. Now I am closer to 69 than 68 and in great moments feel 28 and others around 58. I am sure my husband does not know sometimes who will be walking into the room. When I mess up with directions sometimes it makes me furious. Only with myself. I do not want to slow down and fight every bit of it.

How do you other women or even men in this age group handle this? Do we all have these hang ups or am I just super sensitive at this age? Please believe me I am not afraid of dying or anything. Just as long as I die in his arms.

dutch-ny · 12-30-2005, 12:02 PM

I think at the age of 58,that I am old and most days I feel 30. I am male married 28 yrs., When wife comes in the room I feel like I am 30,when she leaves I become like 88.I look at women and they seem like my daughter ,they seem so young. My doctor when I was young said I would not live to the age of 18, Now i am 58!!!!!!!!! My aunt just made 97 in December 05, So what is old??

neflin · 12-30-2005, 08:14 PM

I agree, my worse problems comes with the younger, say around 46 like our daughter when they get thinking you are getting old. Sometime is gets depressing when people think because you are in your late 60's that you are old and I do not feel old. Guess will worry about it in my late 70's if I make it. Never thought I would get this old either. Guess it is all the Medicare stuff and bad knees from golfing that get to you. Or my favorite is at a bank cashing a check or somewhere that I have to show my ID and you hear "Oh, I did not know you were that old". Lord how I love that. Really makes my day. Sets me in depression until I realize I probably would have said the same thing a few years ago to someone. Oh well, so goes life.
Take care.

Kaycee41 · 12-31-2005, 05:03 AM

I work in a medical office with mostly 20-something women. The other day there was some confusion about which client had asked for a refill. I said "is it that man who just left", (he was in his 20's). The girls said "oh, no,....this guy was old....he was like 35". They were very embarrassed when they remembered that I'm in my mid 40's!

neflin · 12-31-2005, 02:46 PM

MrBojangle: you have just made my day. You two sound so much like my husband and myself. We just do everything together and I adore him. We have had our share of his double knee replacements, rotar cuff tear, gall bladder out, three hernia operations, appendix (all him) but with the doctor's help they keep gluing him back together. It is so funny how at this age you can look at your loved one and he looks just the same as the sailor I married 47 years ago. Love is deeper and more passionate even though our days are getting shorter.

I guess I just treasure life so much and deep down just may not be admitting that the fear of ever living without him would be too much to bare. All these things are just part of growing old but until recently I have never thought of it before. It has probably hit me since I discovered this Board less than two weeks ago. The words of all the people on this Board is so great and I loved the story of you and your wife. I will remember it well. Thank you. Happy New Year to you and yours.

6foot3 · 12-31-2005, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaycee41

I work in a medical office with mostly 20-something women. The other day there was some confusion about which client had asked for a refill. I said "is it that man who just left", (he was in his 20's). The girls said "oh, no,....this guy was old....he was like 35". They were very embarrassed when they remembered that I'm in my mid 40's!

That hurts kaycee. LOL Im 42, We are the MTV generation (Madonna, Duran Duran, Ratt etc..) Most people think im alot younger than my age.I guess its genes and attitude!! (Thank god for VH1 classics) later!!

wmkcolors · 12-31-2005, 10:13 PM

I think alot of it has to do with how healthy you feel, because that is everything. Filter out the rest. If you feel healthy, you are young. I am in my 30s and recently battled cancer. My mom just died of cancer, in her 50s. I have been so exhausted that I FEEL old and look tired. If you have your health and are in a good relationship(s), that is everything and reflects all your beauty and vitality.

neflin · 01-01-2006, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wmkcolors

I think alot of it has to do with how healthy you feel, because that is everything. Filter out the rest. If you feel healthy, you are young. I am in my 30s and recently battled cancer. My mom just died of cancer, in her 50s. I have been so exhausted that I FEEL old and look tired. If you have your health and are in a good relationship(s), that is everything and reflects all your beauty and vitality.

I am so happy that you are doing well. Our oldest son has battled cancer since he was 22. He is now 45. Lost a lot of tissue from different parts of moles being taken out from melonoma's but we are still so happy so far they find them. I guess each and every phase of life is a rough time.

I am so happy that you are doing well. Just have a wonderful Happy New Year and I am so sorry about your Mother. Stay well.

Countrygirl1 · 01-06-2006, 01:14 PM

I am 44 and feel so very old. To me, life has passed me by on a fast train. I have been running after it, but can't seem to catch it. Now, I am getting more tired and not running after the train as fast.

neflin · 01-06-2006, 04:58 PM

I think many times when I was your age I felt that way too. You just seem so darn tired out. Sometimes I would sit back and wonder what I had accomplished.

Now I sit back and wonder what I have done to be so happy and content at this age. One day you feel down but today is just a great day. Just happy to be alive. I guess thinking about it we start aging since the day we were born. That would make me 25,035 days old give or take a few. Despite looking at those numbers I am just so happy to be alive. I guess I should be as that is OLD. Just keep on kickin. Take care.

anlina · 01-06-2006, 11:57 PM

I feel like I should be in my twenties still -- since I haven't accomplished anything in life.

I'd resolved not to let myself "feel" old, no matter what my chronological age -- but society makes that very difficult. I get offered senior citizen discounts, people ask if I have grandchildren, etc. Today a neighbor said he'd seen me with my "son." I am 54, and the man he was referring to is my 54-y.o. significant other!

neflin · 01-07-2006, 07:45 AM

Now I will agree that is a kick in the teeth. But I would say that your neighbor needs glasses. I, too, lately refuse to grow old. My husband is a carbon copy of me and we just have a ball. We have decided this morning at 4 A.M. that we definitely are not going to grow old. We had just made the decision we were still young and to go to Disneyland in Florida. I just made reservations at the Contemporary on the 12th floor overlooking the park so that we could see the fireworks and be on the monorail to go back in time and really groove for 4 days. They have carts you can rent for the day at $35 a day for each of us and we are really going to have some fun.

So many crazy things happen at these ages. Recently I had to stop at the drugstore to get some lubricant. It had been a while since I had picked some up and always got KY. I was looking at all the stuff they had and it blew my mind. Some kindly man of about my age who was additional help came up and asked me if he could help me find what I wanted. I thought you sick old man like you are going to help me find this. I politely told him no laughing to myself. I then went to the pharmacist to ask for help as truthfully so many things there. She took me to an area near the check out counter for prescriptions and there they had some great lubricants. I was blown away. There sitting on three chairs were three elderly women, probably about my age and younger, but I am one of the cool young elderly women watching me. One looked so prim that she would crack in half if she smiled. The neat female pharmacist pointed out the lubricants to me smiling all the time. Little did she know I was a sex fiend. When she came to the strawberry superglide my eyes lighted up like a slot machine. All I could think was flavored sex. Unfortunately my mouth said it loud enough too as I could not believe it. The pharmacist laughed and I being who I am was not embarrassed but I looked and one lady was laughing, one lady did not acknowledge that she had heard me and the prim one was white and had crawled down into her chair.

So with this in mind, guess I am not that old. Welcome to my world

candle66 · 01-08-2006, 07:12 AM

Well I am 41 and I feel old. I think society makes women feel old by the time we reach reach 30. Men on the other hand are still considered attractive at 45, women are considered old.

I am 41 and pregnant. let me tell you, I walk into the gyn's office feeling happy being pregnant and then I see a room full of pregnant women in their 20's who look at me in horror! lol

Since I have hit 40 I find myself comparing myself with other people who are 40, I always think do I look that old!!!!

I have thought about having a little pastic surgery and and there but then you don't look any better than an old car that's been repainted.

Not much we can do.

neflin · 01-08-2006, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candle66

Well I am 41 and I feel old. I think society makes women feel old by the time we reach reach 30. Men on the other hand are still considered attractive at 45, women are considered old.

I am 41 and pregnant. let me tell you, I walk into the gyn's office feeling happy being pregnant and then I see a room full of pregnant women in their 20's who look at me in horror! lol

Since I have hit 40 I find myself comparing myself with other people who are 40, I always think do I look that old!!!!

I have thought about having a little pastic surgery and and there but then you don't look any better than an old car that's been repainted.

Not much we can do.

Congratulations on the new baby. That is so wonderful. You are not old. They are young. Sometime I think back and wish I had my children later in life. We were so young as I had them at 21, 23 and 28. I was still such a child in many ways. We just did not have enough years at that time for me to truly grow up and be prepared for the Mother I could have been with a few years of growing up with my husband. She was born 9 months and 15 days after we were married. Need I say more of the morals of our age. But we did have fun.........

The first thing you should do when looking at those other women in their 40's is say I look a lot better than they do. Make yourself feel good in everything you do. That is so important. You are important. There is only one person like you and that is your special quality. Oh I am sure plastic surgery some people like but I have found as I age that I feel so great about life and am still so in love with my husband that this makes me feel young. I am now closer to being 69 than 68 but as long as I do not feel this in my soul and heart with him and I look at him and melt what truly does age matter. I find these are the true secrets of staying young. My husband is still my lover and best friend. I truly believe if a woman can accomplish this in life and get to the age I am and have the feelings I have for him and never let it get away at any time with all the stresses in life and children growing up and all the things that try to pull them apart yet cling to each other that those secrets are what make us what we are today.

Sometimes I sit back and pinch myself wondering where the years have gone. He will be 70 in March yet I can look at him and do not see a 70 year old man I see my sailor of years ago that I fell madly in love with and still am to this day. I think if a woman or man can look at their partner in life and always retain the ability to do this is the secret to a wonderful life and holding "Father Time" off. Sure I know I am aging but my heart is still so young............Honey you are still a baby. Have a wonderful life.

I really think that aging is much harder on us women than men. Like you said you go into the OB Waiting Room and see these "youngster's expecting". But who is going to make the better parent? You know that it is you. I so wish that I would have been your age when I had a child. Had time to appreciate it more. I tell my husband that and he cringes as he liked having them young. But truly you are the lucky one. Looking at the beauty books and ads you are right that once a woman gets to her 30's she is heading for the pastures. Makes a woman dread growing older. I still say getting here you will like it. For me at that age I was too busy to think about it but this is a different culture then I was in. Yet as women we are one and the same. Thanks much.

neflin · 01-08-2006, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hummingbirdkiss

I want all the years - young, middle-aged, and old. I spent many years being young and have used them all up. I liked being young but now I am 53 and am using up my middle-aged years. I feel middle-aged and I like it. When those years are gone, I want to experience being old. I don't want to die without having experienced it. I want the whole thing.

Thank you again my friend who wrote me the wonderful note during my anger. You truly made my day.

I used up all those younger years too but I do not know where they went. I blinked an eye and they were gone. Where has my life gone? It seems like yesterday I married my husband. I want to experience being old too but how do you tell your mind this and the age catches up with you and you feel 28 at some great moments and at the best 58. I swear it is truly one of the craziest things in my life. I do not know where the years have gone. Sometimes I wonder would I wish I had my life to live over and the answer is NO. I am so happy here that I could not bear to go back and go through all that again. I do cherish every minute of life but being where I have been and am is to me the most wonderful surprise of my life. This truly blows my mind. I was not expecting it.

neflin · 01-09-2006, 05:58 PM

One story I wish I started this Topic with I am going to add. It has to do with aging and forgetting.

My husband and I love to travel. In 2000 we went to Norfolk, Virginia and stayed on the river near some big area that is built up for boat rides and just wonderful at a Marriott. Enjoyed it so much. We have always been so close. We never stopped holding hands and just plain are close. I have never stopped being in love with him and flirting with him since we married. Just us. We have had many people ask us over the course of our years how we stay this way. It is embarrassing but that is the way we are. This I have to put into this story. We had walked down to the riverside to wait for a two deck cruise ship to again go out and see the fleet as I married a Navy man and this was to be my fourth trip to the same place to ohhhh and ahhhhhh at those wonderful ships as I heard the same information over as we passed his wonderful aircraft carriers. Oh I could do it so well. Now I am happy we went as with 9/11 you can no longer go where we went.

We boarded the little two story cruise ship with bathroom and snack bar and went upstairs and sat. It was after the kids had gone to school so no big crowds. Up on the Upper Deck was another couple. I would say our age who were sitting in back. We were to be the only two couples upstairs. I noticed them as we went by. He was very dignified looking and she was very smartly dressed in slacks and sweater and as we passed by I wondered if perhaps he was a doctor or dentist as he looked this type. I looked down as we moved forward to the front to give us maybe 6 rows between them for their and our privacy. I looked down at her and we smiled at each other and moved on. They were not talking and seem so bored. Not a word spoken just sitting there. My husband and I never stop touching. It was not unusual when with us sitting in the front row up there that he would lean over and kiss me. I mean let's face it. It was not a sucky mouth type kiss. Just a nice little sweet kiss like I love you. During the close to two hour trip we held hands and he had his arm around me and I him. We are in our own world. We never stopped holding each other. It is just us. I recall I looked around once and saw them but never thought of it. When the cruise was done we got up to go to the back of the boat where the steps going down were. They were still sitting there. I kind of thought that unusual and looked down in their direction and saw the man with the most pleasant smile on his face and so happy. I looked and she was holding his hand clinging to him. I guess I was shocked truly. I looked at her and she looked at me and said to me without words as I could read her lips as we were so close "THANK YOU". I immediately knew what she was saying and meant for she was thanking me for reminding her of lost youth and love and to make every minute count. I silently did the same to her and mouthed back '"YOU ARE WELCOME". The picture of that couple will remain in my mind as plain as yesterday the rest of my life. I could pick them out today if they were with 1000 people. It is a memory I will never forget...............................

TO MY DEAR, DEAR FRIEND'S IN NORFOLK..........THIS THREAD IS FOR YOU......

6foot3 · 01-10-2006, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candle66

Well I am 41 and I feel old. I think society makes women feel old by the time we reach reach 30.

I seen on Parade magazine a few weeks back about baby boomers turning 60 and all these beautiful 60 yr young women. Suzanne Sommers, Cher , Dolly Parton, Sally fields, Connie Chung just a few . Oh im 42, bring on beautiful older women !!!

neflin · 01-10-2006, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 6foot3

I seen on Parade magazine a few weeks back about baby boomers turning 60 and all these beautiful 60 yr young women. Suzanne Sommers, Cher , Dolly Parton, Sally fields, Connie Chung just a few . Oh im 42, bring on beautiful older women !!!

Well without a doubt I am a combination of all those women:

Let's see: Suzanne Sommers not too much with her but I will definately say that I do like to watch people exercise. I think one of my knees is like hers.

Sally Fields: Well I do have a great personality but am not as tiny as she is but think I would definately make a great actress.

Connie Chung and I are so very much alike. We both like talking about the news and I do love the name Maury.

Cher: She is without a doubt my wild side. That woman groves. She and I could have one wild evening out. I like Cher. Unfortunately my husband would love her more.

That Leaves Dolly Parton: Now if you think I am going to touch this one with a ten foot pole you are all crazy. You will just have to guess what I am thinking.

I am without a doubt a combination of all of them but poor boy, I am taken. Madly in love and taken.

Hope you find your dream girl................

neflin · 01-11-2006, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 6foot3

Way to go connie sue !!! I also enjoyed your story on your trip to Norfolk.I too was in the Navy (from 81-85) and spent my first yr there in Norfolk Naval Shipyards.

Two Navy Guys. That is neat. He was on the Yorktown which is now in Charleston. He finally has seen it enought. He said the last time it has really not been kept up but it is a museum now. I have gone through this once while he was on duty in 1957 when I went out to see him in San Francisco while we were going together and twice in Charleston. We became engaged four months later after he came home on leave. I truly believe that the song "I left my heart in San Francisco" was written for me. It was so hard to get on that train and go back home.

I love the Norfolk area. It was so interesting. Once we saw a submarine coming back from duty, went across the long bridge tunnel and saw four aircraft carriers at dock at one time. A week later a woman drove off the bridge. I was scared there.Saw the Wisconsin moth balled and them taking another carrier apart. Been there four time. He loved it. I love him so I loved it. Lord, I should have used this on him and made him go to a doll show. (He would not).

One of my favorite memories of Norfolk trip is while we were staying at the Marriott I got it in my head that I wanted to see the Challenger go up. It was slated to go in two days at like 7 in the morning. So my husband after my pleading packed up early and we headed to get to Daytona Beach by the next evening. Now that is one wild place. Got there in time to see the Challenger as I thought go up. Got up like 1 in the morning to head to Titusville or Cape Canaveral. Arrived and see all these cars. Dark out and cars everywhere. I decided I needed some pop so stopped at gas station as we knew we were in the right area. Marines all over. Asked gas station attendant which way to see the Challenger and he wanted to know how our ticket read. My husband looked at me like well here we go again. Needless to say I knew nothing about a ticket. Everyone was getting in line across from the gas station at some gates going into the missile range. I asked him about getting in and a ticket and he laughed. He should never have done that for a woman does not like to be laughed at. Particularly me. That raises the cunning and evil side of me to try to buck the system and get it. So I entered my special world of plotting. Made him get in line with the cars which he did cussing me out again at what in the name of God was I going to do next. I KNEW. Got down to the gate where these cute Marine were checking the cars and the cards against the numbers and my venture began. He smiled and asked for our card. I said I knew nothing about a card. Told him I had called down here a couple of days ago and they said that there would be no problem and told me the directions. Cute Marine said no you have to have a card but seeing you have driven all night from Kentucky or whatever I said I will give you a card. And he did. My husband would not speak to me for a while, maybe 40 seconds, and then let me know he could not believe I could do something like that. I told him I could not believe I could either but be quiet and drive and find out where the Challenger was. We drove so far into the place which is so heavily guarded with crocodiles all over. All the way Marine watching us. They kept us going, never stopping. We passed lots and lots filled with RV's, cars, refreshment stands, port a potties, then more woods and more lots. I thought we had traveled 20 miles and were not going to see it. Finally just as dawn was about to break they guided us into a lot and parked. They told us that after the Challenger went up we could not leave for I believe 2 hours as in case it had problems this was the rule. We had turned left off the road we were on and I could see across this large lake the Challenger. It was lit up by spotlights and was the most beautiful sight. I was just in awe. We parked and got out. Lot was filled and saw provisions for us to enjoy food or whatever we needed. Above circling was a helicopter actually quite a few of them with a man in the area where the door was with a machine gun watching the crowd. Below in the lake we could see shark fins. Nope I was not going to go wading. It was truly an experience. We were being piped everything that was going on. Finally the count went down and we all counted as it went. When it got down to 0 and the flames that we could se so plainly started to burn the noise across the lake was deafening. It oh so slowly rose in the air. I screamed at my husband as I thought it would come back down as it did not look like it could lift that massive weight off the ground. It was something I will never forget. It finally cleared the tower and I felt better. Even snapped some pictures. So wished I had the camcorder with me. It got up higher and we could see the roll so slow and beautiful. Just an awesome sight. The trailing of the white smoke or whatever it is. When it got off the ground the ground shook so bad where we were standing I could not believe it. Unless someone sees this they would never believe it. The next day we went over to the Cape and we were allowed to take a trip out to where it had just left. They let us get near enough that we could still see the water that had stopped the burning and the dark burn marks on the soil. This was to be the one that blew up. I do not know how many times after this time we saw it that it went up again. I am so happy that it did not happen when we saw it..

God Bless Those Poor People. It really is quite a memory.

neflin · 01-12-2006, 10:54 AM

Now as I am sitting here thinking about aging so much more than I have ever in my life, I think of my wonderful sister women. The women who have lost their precious husband's. The ones who are not knowing the wonders of growing old with the love of their life. The statistics are that by age 65 one half of all the men of these married women will be dead. This is a terrible figure. Of the remaining one half of these men alive only 14% of them will have their wives that have passed on. Look at that small percentage that this leaves for the women that have already lost their husband.

What is the answer? Make every precious moment count. Love him like there is no tomorrow. Have a song in your heart every minute of the day. I know that I can hear Tammy Wynette sing the song "Stand By Your Man" or Michael Bolton singing "When a Man Loves a Woman" or Eric Clampton singing to me "You Look Wonderful Tonight" and this can bring me back to lost youth. All these things are so important to us as women both young and old. Retaining these thoughts as we grow old help keep us from aging too fast.

At least I think so...................................... .........

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