sad_in_sd

Hello all,

It's been a long while since I've been on the boards but I'm having a dilemma with my grandparents. They are both in their early 80's, poor grandma is falling apart, she is in the late stages of Emphysema; she is constantly struggling to breathe and unfortunately lives in southern Californina where the smoke from all these wildfires is practically killing her. She is so waifer thin and so tired, she is a huge fall risk. She has verbalized to he oldest daughter (my aunt) that she is ready to go. She recently was in the hospital with a double pneumonia that she amazingly overcame, but she is so weak and tired, even more than ever now.

My grandpa has his share of aging ailments, he has prostate cancer, Emphysema, high blood pressure, and his feet are swollen about double their size I'm sure due too poor circulation from his weak heart. I understand, their poor old bodies are just plain wearing out which is so sad to watch because their minds are so sharp.

They cannot live without eachother, they have always taken care of eachother with all of lives tasks. But after grandmas last visit to the hospital, things have not been the same. They cannot take care of eachother like they used to be able to. My aunt has been spending 4-6 hours a day with them just making sure they eat, bathe, take their meds, etc. Ever since watching the movie The Notebook, they are infatuated with the idea of dying together.

A few days ago my grandma's doctor brought up that it is time for hospice. But my grandpa (along with 4 out of their 5 adult children) are not ready to accept it. Before now they have already been very accepting of the inevitable, they have already purchased urns, picked out memorial pictures and everything. I feel that hospice would help the familys final time together more quality time but everyone keeps insisting that things are fine and 'we can handle it' even though it doesn't seem like quality time.

I noticed that when my grandpa is around his 5 adult children, they almost all revert to acting like kids around him. Away from him they are all stong individual people but there is some strange thing that happened when they are reunited... So anyways, I have a much different relationship with my grandpa where we are almost on more of a level playing field, there is a different kind of respect because we do not have the past that he does with his own kids. With all of the family in such unstability and emotional turmoil I feel that I am being looked upon for leadership. I'm known to be very objective and 'level headed'.

Has anyone experienced this kind of situation with parents/grandparents? I'm not even really sure what I need help with, maybe just any type of input to my situation.

sad_in_sd