Almost 38 and having a real hard time accepting it
I've been in sort of a reflective mode these days. Around the holidays, things seem to be more pressing in my head. I guess the reason is because my birthday is in January so another Christmas means another year old. Anyway, in a few weeks I will officially be 38. Now for some reason that only started to affect me emotionally about 3 months ago. I suddenly felt this urgency to take inventory of my life. I must say that much of what I strived for to achieve, I have, only I still feel that I haven't done enough. And now with turning 38, I feel like I'm getting way to old to still be searching for direction. I've tried to come up with something really special that I can invest the next 2 years of my life in achieving so that when I reach 40 I can say HA! I made it! But I'm not sure what the heck that is. I'm a planner by nature, and I've basically planned out my life up until this point but why I did not make a life plan for 38 to 40 I have no idea. I know I am not spontaneous, I have to be sure of the direction I am going. I never drive somewhere new without the help of mapquest, why would I live something new without the help of "mequest". I'm drawing a blank here and just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar.
Re: Almost 38 and having a real hard time accepting it
Hey,
I know the feeling. I've been feeling this way this year too, only 10 years younger. Well, 11 almost, actually.. I just turned 27 two months ago. Two months ago, and I still haven't even begun to achieve anything in my new age! I swore this year would be better. Before I turned 27, it was bothering me, then I couldn't wait to turn it, now I feel old. I hate feeling old like this. I, like you, want to hurry up now and get things done so that I can have some accomplishments by the age of 30. I only wish I had done this much younger. It feels like so much in my mind has changed in this past year. That's because my youthful traveling has been replaced with massive amounts of anxiety, a loss of 20 lbs, daily attempts at induced (mostly unsuccessful) vomiting. Everything has been so hard. And watching my family get older and my brother ready to graduate high school in a few years.. my little brother of 11 years my junior, and he's going to be driving a car and going off to college and I'm still sitting here with lack of motivation. I think it's almost running into the point where my parents stop taking care of me, and I start taking care of them. Anyway, back to you..
You say that you've achieved a lot of what you wanted already, so that is definitely a plus. But you feel unfulfilled still. So, there isn't something that you feel that you can specify that you didn't do yet? Since you say you're not used to being spontaneous, maybe that is what you should do then.. since you can't find that one "thing" and all that you want to do. I don't want to give you bad advice and have you have an accident or something hehe, but maybe that will be something different and give you a different perspective? What do you think?
Re: Almost 38 and having a real hard time accepting it
Hi,
We are the same in some ways. I just turned 39 in Jan this year. I have the same feelings you do about accomplishments, planning things, etc. I too afraid of being old, but there are a few things I told myself to calm down.
1) We were borned, we grew older over the years, we will get sick, and we will die. Those four things are the sure things in life. Other than that, nothing is certain, so might as well accept it.
2) The more one accomplished in his/her life, the harder it is to let go of his/her last breath because he/she has so much to miss, so the key is be satisfy with whatever you have.
3) It is not money, wealth, fortune, or power that makes you happy, it is how you live your life. Health is the most valuable thing you have. Without good health, everything is meaningless.
Re: Almost 38 and having a real hard time accepting it
If you don't mind, I would like to share with you a story, but please be patient with me through this. The story is about a man with 4 wives.
Once upon a time, a wealthy man had 4 wives all lived with him in the same house. He loved his first wife very much. Everyday, he made sure that she is well taken care of, well dressed, etc. For the second wife, he knew for sure he couldn't live without her, so he checked on her often to talk to especially when he felt a little down. The third wife, he couldn't stop talking about her to others, and he was always proud of her. He always introduced his third wife to other people because he was proud to have such a beautiful wife. Well, the fourth wife is different. He did not seem to even know that he had a fourth wife as if she never exist in his life.
One day in his death bed, he asked the first wife to join him, but the first wife said: "no way, the minute you stop breathing, I am out of here so have a nice death"
He turned to the second wife and asked her to join him, but she said: "you have been kind to me, but the most I would do is to walk you to your grave, and that's it for you and I"
He turned to the third wife and before he could speak, she answered: "the minute you are dead, I will be marry to another man".
He was so bitter, but he heard a soft voice: "I will go with you!". He turned and it was the fourth wife. He was so amazed because he never realized that she was that faithful............ THE END
The point of the story?
The first wife is our own body. Everyday, we eat well, dress well to pleased ourselves. If we stop breathing, the first thing we can't keep is our body.
The second wife is our relative. Our relatives love us but the most they could do is to follow us to the grave yard, and they will go back to their normal life afterward.
The third wife is our house, car, jewelry, etc. We stop breathing and all those things belong to someone else right after.
The fourth wife is our mind or our karma. A healthy mind and a healthy spirit is important. In fact, it is the most important, yet like karma, the good and bad things we do will follow us wherever we go, life or death.
Re: Almost 38 and having a real hard time accepting it
Quote:
Originally Posted by simplyj
I've been in sort of a reflective mode these days. Around the holidays, things seem to be more pressing in my head. I guess the reason is because my birthday is in January so another Christmas means another year old. Anyway, in a few weeks I will officially be 38. Now for some reason that only started to affect me emotionally about 3 months ago. I suddenly felt this urgency to take inventory of my life. I must say that much of what I strived for to achieve, I have, only I still feel that I haven't done enough. And now with turning 38, I feel like I'm getting way to old to still be searching for direction. I've tried to come up with something really special that I can invest the next 2 years of my life in achieving so that when I reach 40 I can say HA! I made it! But I'm not sure what the heck that is. I'm a planner by nature, and I've basically planned out my life up until this point but why I did not make a life plan for 38 to 40 I have no idea. I know I am not spontaneous, I have to be sure of the direction I am going. I never drive somewhere new without the help of mapquest, why would I live something new without the help of "mequest". I'm drawing a blank here and just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar.
It feels like so much in my mind has changed in this past year. That's because my youthful traveling has been replaced with massive amounts of anxiety, a loss of 20 lbs, daily attempts at induced (mostly unsuccessful) vomiting. Everything has been so hard. And watching my family get older and my brother ready to graduate high school in a few years.. my little brother of 11 years my junior, and he's going to be driving a car and going off to college and I'm still sitting here with lack of motivation. I think it's almost running into the point where my parents stop taking care of me, and I start taking care of them. Anyway, back to you..
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