Mom in nursing home - Aging Issues Message Board

Kylee15 · 02-19-2008, 01:12 PM

Hi. I just joined this site, so hope I am doing this right. Anyway, I am 52 and my mom is 80. She lives with her significant other/boyfriend. He is 85 and not doing good himself. My mom has had strokes and she has been hospitalized a few times lately. She refuses to do anything to help herself. She was in ICU and almost died on January 9th of this year, but turned that around and is now bedridden in a nursing home with a feeding tube.

She is paralyzed on one side of her body and cannot talk or eat or drink. Hard to tell how coherent she is at any time. She has always suffered from depression and is stubborn. She refuses any therapies to help her. She has bed sores. She told me "I want to die." "I would never wish this on anybody." That is difficult to hear. She has given up.

I have 3 brothers who live in Florida and have lives of their own. Myself and my daughter is all she has. It tears my heart to pieces to see her in such agony. She says to me "save" from time to time and I feel so guilty. Anyway, any advice out there?

Thank you in advance.

CaringMom · 02-28-2008, 09:42 AM

This reminds me of my grandmother a few years back. Same situation. Thankfully she didn't suffer long. It is so hard to see loved ones suffer like that. I really don't know what you can do. Assure her you are there and want the best for her. Sympathize with her and let her know that it's ok to go? They say many people are "waiting" to leave; making sure everything is taken care of and complete. Will be thinking of you.

vic77 · 02-29-2008, 12:49 PM

My whole nursing career has been in long-term care, and to hear that your mother is bed ridden with bed sores is unacceptable; there is no excuse for that.

Granted your mother may act like she has given up but that does not mean she is to be neglected. Also, talk to the nurses about your concerns and see if they could get a doctor's order for an anitdepressent.

Vic