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Old 08-01-2008, 07:06 PM   #1
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Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

I am 48 and am starting to have a lot of anxiety about aging. A big part of my identity has been my looks. I have to admit that I am vain. My body is in great shape, it looks better than many 30 year olds. The problem is that my face is starting to show my age. I feel that I have aged just the last couple of years. The wrinkles came slowly, but the last couple of years, I see big changes. I have always been prone to stress and am under constant stress, financial, about the kids and just name it. I got married late and had kids late in life. I have a son who is only 5. Yesterday a woman, who also was an older mom, referred to my son as my grandson. I still feel bad about that. My family and other people always made a big deal of my looks and they did me a big disservice. I always felt that if I didn't look good, I was going to disappoint people.
What is "unfair" is that for years I had an eating disorder and hated my body. I always felt that I wasn't thin enough. I would look at my body in the mirror and feel hatred. The last 10 years I have finally come to like my body and now I feel lucky that my body looks the way it does. My face was what I used to like. Now I am seeing the wrinkles and saggy skin and don't know how to let go and let myself age without anxiety. I can't do anything about it anyway. I wish that I could have liked both my body and my face and felt good about my appearance.
I also feel resentment towards my husband. He sees me as the trophy wife. He is far from a trophy husband and yet he feels that he deserves somebody who is attractive. Recently he pointed to my hair and commented how much grey hair I have. I felt like saying that if that bothers him maybe he could give me money so that I could go and have it dyed. We never have any money and I dye my hair myself, but don't do a very good job. Because of low self esteem, I didn't feel I deserved to be with somebody who is successful and married a man who was broke when we married although he was 40 at the time. The whole reason he married me was my appearance.

Last edited by negot; 08-01-2008 at 07:08 PM.

 
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Old 08-02-2008, 10:37 AM   #2
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

As a 56 year old woman wo has always looked much younger,but has noticed in the past year that instead of much younger it's more like a BIT younger,this is how I deal with it. I look at all the stars who have had plastic surgery. Cher ,Jacklyn Smith, Morgan Fairchild,Madonna,come to mind,and to me they just look un-natural and freaky. So the alternative is to age gracefully and naturally.Like Candace Bergen and Diane Keaton and Cindy Joseph ,that model with the long grey hair that you see in lots of commercials.. I'm lucky that I don't have any grey in my hair and I get my dr. blonde hair highlighted evry 8 weeks.. Also I try to get a facial every 8 weeks or so that includes microdemibrasion. But other then that i try to stay healthy,and dress in hip ,but not too young clothes. Luckily I don't get any pressure from my husband to look a certain way.I'm sorry that you have a husband who is not supportive. Don't let him get you down. If he only married you for your looks that tells me that HE is the insecure one and needs a trophy wife to boost his own ego. Aging is a fact of life. He needs to get over it.
Also.I lost my mom 3 years ago, and I was diagnosed with lupus last year and that really takes the focus off the outer .I am older then you so it may take you a few more years ,and a few more life experiences,and maybe a new husband, to get to that place where looks aren't as important anymore. I can tell you it's sort of a relief .

Last edited by kathryn+2; 08-02-2008 at 10:47 AM.

 
Old 08-03-2008, 12:21 AM   #3
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

Ageing is tough. It is especially so, for those that may not have accomplished goals or have not obtained self respect through their jobs or actions. Your old man seems to be measuring himself through your eyes. If you are getting older, he must be. A kind of "mirror affect" He actually sounds like he is as worried about ageing or more so than you are. Whether you stay with him or move to another planet, you need to find out more about who you are and who you are becoming rather than lamenting about natures transition to a more mature self. It is never too late to feel better about yourself or to learn something new, or change your thinking but it is never the less, difficult to do. I am 59 and was pretty cute in my prime. Still cute, a little more of me, plenty of dyed gray hair and still working on myself from the inside out now. It is a long process but one that most of us have in common. You will always be beautiful!
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Old 08-03-2008, 09:29 AM   #4
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

Aging isn't fun and it sure doesn't help having a husband who is pointing out the aging process. Usually it means they are uncomfortable about aging themselves as the other gal pointed out. I would try to ignore his comments or else confront him about it. It sounds like you take super care of yourself. That is all we can do. That is what I am trying to do. I am 43 and not happy about some weight gain and developing hypothyroidism and gray hairs coming in. It is hard realizing that it is happening but I guess we have to learn to embrace this and try to enjoy life. I don't want to be miserable from here on out. What a waste it would be. Hang in there!

Last edited by TEdds83; 08-03-2008 at 09:29 AM.

 
Old 08-14-2008, 08:54 AM   #5
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

Nelli.. you can reverse aging.. don't think you can't! read up on the "Raw Food Diet".. if you stick to it for a good 3 months or more you will regain your beauty instantly..

 
Old 08-14-2008, 09:37 PM   #6
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

Aging for me has been very traumatic. I was considered quite attractive in my 20's. I had 2 children in my 30's and was so wrapped up in them I didn't even think of aging My 40's I looked in the mirror and someone else was staring back. So I do a few things that make me feel pampered and it really helps a lot. I am 52 and started using retina a about 10 years ago . I have pretty skin and get lots of compliments. I have my nails and toes done weekly. I get my hair weaved every 2 months and stop by and get my hair washed and blow dried a couple times a week. I have a maid that comes in about twice a month. Yes, these things are expenses that could be used elsewhere but it doesn't compare to plastic surgery and you don't get the done look.I don't have to look 35. I just want to be a 52 year old that looks youthful and good for he age.

 
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:16 PM   #7
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

Nelli - are you concerned with your appearance and how to change it? or are you concerned that because you can't turn back time and look as you did when you met your husband - your life is going to fall apart - if he leaves, or the fact that the callingcard you were using for identity, success, and security is no longer as valid as it was before to find someone else?

 
Old 08-15-2008, 04:21 PM   #8
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

You are probably very pretty and are just being tough on yourself. I think a lot of us are...we stare in the mirror looking at all out flaws and not the positive...I know I am not a "hotty" but I know I turn heads...I am 38 and yuck still smoke and I can now see its effects but its an addiction. I have heard that those Bare Minerals powdered makeup kits or I think they might be Bare Essentials now are great products and do wonders..they cover all..they are all natural and wont clog your pores and all plus liquid makeup is sooo messy...I think the key is to drink water, stay away from anything white( flour based ) and sugar because that can pack on pounds...dont smoke if you haveny and exercise...and LAUGH...I feel so much better mentally and physically when i laugh.. life is too short to worry about your looks though....I have a man who loves me for me and I am grateful for that...he doesnt want me to focus on my looks like so many woman do...he says its pointless..they are just eye candy and in reality they want us natural women who aged gracefully and are still happy..

 
Old 08-16-2008, 01:42 AM   #9
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

Lowfreq, what it the diet you are mentioning? Where can I read about it?
I realize now that I have put all my cards in one basket, my looks. It isn't really all my fault because people (my family and others) always commented how pretty I am. Well, they have done me a big disservice. I have always tried to meet men through my appearance and have always thought that this is the only thing that can attract a man to me. If at least I had met a nice man, it would be ok. I am now married to a verbal abuser who married me for my looks. I am trying to get divorced and realize that I don't look the way I did when I was younger. I have also 2 kids and the sleepless nights have left their marks on my face. The bottom line is that I got no benefits from being considered attractive (my husband is not only abusive, he is also broke), I just ended up feeling used. I am hoping that the next man I meet is going to be with me for me, not my looks.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 07:51 AM   #10
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

Well, the reason you're with an abusive person of no character, is becuase you only prioritized being someone shallow that relied on her looks. IF your apperance is a calling card, identity and security blanket - anybody with any common sense can see what issues that is going to cause.

You can't continue to relocate to societies where YOU are the most attractive person in the societal group.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 01:16 PM   #11
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

Trying to get divorced? Just do it...take the bas@#%^&! to the cleaners. AND whats more is once you are seperated you will be amazed at how much better you will look and feel ! He has probably aged you. there are still nice men out there just dont look for them...focus on getting out of the relationship your in, your kids and you ! You will be amazed at how good you will feel ! I promise !

 
Old 08-18-2008, 09:32 PM   #12
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

Aging has been very hard on me. I just celebrated my 46th birthday and I've never been depressed about my birthdays.

I am working out much harder. I am trying to eat better, trying to not eat a whole tub of ice cream. I'm moisturizing more and often and staying away from the sun. My cheeks are drooping a little bit and some wrinkles have shown up and said "hello" to me when I look at myself in the mirror.

For someone who was once in a beauty contest and used to turn a lot of dates down, unfortunately, I'm no longer getting those kind compliments anymore to acknowledge my good looks.

I feel this is another stage of my life that I have to overcome.

I wish you well.

 
Old 07-22-2011, 09:20 AM   #13
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Re: Calling all vain women, how do you deal with aging?

All of these posts have been very helpful as I'm thinking of doing my thesis on aging from the "pretty girl" perspective. At 49 years old, I know a huge part of my identity is my looks. Although I still turn some heads and get a fair share of compliments, I realize things are changing. And that's okay, because a long time ago, I realized my looks are just one part of who I am. Also with age comes wisdom and a certain boldness that for me manifests itself in a "forget you" attitude.

Even with the boldness and the wisdom of age, I'm aware that I will not be viewed the same, and honestly, this will be a change that I have to adapt to. For me it will be interesting to see what changes I go through in putting the pretty girl to rest and embracing the evolving attractive older woman.

Last edited by Roccandy; 07-22-2011 at 09:20 AM. Reason: extra spaces

 
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