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Old 10-21-2008, 03:14 PM   #1
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twimo HB User
I feel like a lost soul

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone feels the way I do?
I've been doing a bit of soul searching and just keep going around in circles.
My marriage broke up and I returned to my home town to start again. Apart from not having the man I thought I would grow old with, I don't have any money, or property or any of the other material things that one would expect a woman of my age (50) to have.
The most upsetting part of my life however is my anxiety about getting out and about. Unless I am going somewhere with a family member, I avoid going to unfamilar places. I realise that over the past few years I've been retreating into myself - not going out so much, keep to myself. If I'm honest I was ashamed of my husband, who is an alcoholic, and his behaviour when drunk. This fear of going out is obviously a result of this self-imposed exile.
My doctor insisted I put my new business venture on hold and I was on anti-depressants for a year. That helped. Stopped all the mind chatter.
I guess it all comes down to this: what am I going to do with my life? I am starting from scratch but I am no longer the attractive, feisty and confident girl I once was. Without any kind of infrastructure, everything seems so uphill. It's a vicious circle: I'm lonely but I'm ashamed of myself and that if anyone gets close to me they'll realise I have no life. I feel that I have achieved nothing with my life although in reality I have, just not recently.

 
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Old 10-22-2008, 07:50 AM   #2
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Art_930 HB User
Re: I feel like a lost soul

Hi Twimo! I've been where you are and I assure you that what you're feeling can be temporary if you want it to be.

I'm a 59-year-old female who lives alone after two divorces and a live-in relationship. A dispassionate appraisal would say that I'm dumpy and plain.

I've made a definite effort to have a positive attitude all of my life - after my first husband revealed that he was gay, my mantra to myself was "I've just been handed the opportunity for a life different than what I thought I would have".

I work full-time and my colleagues at work are in their late 20's or early 30's. Believe it or not, they actually invite me to come along to films or other outings even though they know that I prefer to stay at home knitting or reading. Last year I broke my leg while out hiking on a mountain with some young friends. We're still laughing about it and I tell everyone that his girlfriend pushed me on purpose.

I'm not a Pollyanna - I know that I am going to die. I know that I probably will be lounging around in an old-folks home. But I'm going to be in charge of the wheelchair races while I'm there.

My point is that happiness is a choice and that your attitude can be hopeful and positive if you want it to be. Wishing you all the best!

 
Old 10-23-2008, 02:54 AM   #3
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twimo HB User
Re: I feel like a lost soul

Hi Art930 and thank you for your post.
I believe I am able to think positively for much of the time but there are times when I just feel like it's such a big effort and I experience real anxiety hence my post the other evening. How did you make that step though from being where I am to being where you are? You sound like the real thing whereas I know I'm sort of faking it 'til I'm able to make it.

 
Old 10-23-2008, 03:54 AM   #4
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Art_930 HB User
Re: I feel like a lost soul

Hi Twimo! My secret has always been "behave as if". Soon it becomes part of who you are.

In my younger years I was extremely shy. My knees would tremble if I had to speak to a group (this was in highschool). At around age 20 I decided that my shyness was crippling me and in order to participate in life I would "behave as if" I weren't shy. In the ensuing years if I mentioned to friends that I am shy, they would look at me in shock and disbelief. In fact, I just revealed my shyness and introversion to a woman who has become my friend over the past year (she was my realtor). She expressed surprise and said that she would never have guessed.

It's much the same with one's attitude. I've read scientific reports that show that if you put a smile on your face, your brain actually starts to believe that you're happy. Something to do with the muscle signals.

Every day I find something that puts a smile on my face. On a 3-hour drive to visit my daughter, I found myself smiling at the calves in a farmer's field. I smiled at the sight of a child running in someone's yard and I smiled when I passed a stopped semi-truck and saw the huge masculine driver lift a dachshund out.

Right now I'm at work (it's almost 6 in the morning) and I'm smiling because I'm writing to you.

 
Old 10-24-2008, 02:53 AM   #5
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twimo HB User
Re: I feel like a lost soul

Hi, you are a really sweet lady and I thank you for your support. Your post made me smile!

 
Old 10-24-2008, 03:30 AM   #6
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Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA
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Art_930 HB User
Re: I feel like a lost soul

Good! Keep looking for things that can make you smile and before you know it your smile muscles will have affected your brain and you'll be happy again without knowing how you got there.

I smile when I think of you living in England - I spent a fabulous year there back in 1969 living in Knightsbridge and sharing a flat with three other "birds". During that time is when came upon the "behave as if" way of living my life. (good heavens - that's 40 years ago!)

Have a happy day.

 
Old 11-15-2008, 09:30 AM   #7
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mshill HB User
Re: I feel like a lost soul

Keep smiling, and avoid things that trigger your sadness..Do you have a favorite color, that brightens you up...My bad colors are brown or tans...I get depressed..
I am in my seventies, and I still avoid those colors...I stay away from things
that bring up bad memories, even some people. I get depressed on the phone
even, so I use the internet all the time for writing to others...that is one big
help for myself...Also I try to cut into my creative side..I write poems,
and short stories...I do well most of the time...And I avoid anit depression
medications...They make it much worse for me...
Thank you...and we still have lots of living to do...

 
Old 11-20-2008, 04:34 PM   #8
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ohio
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mshill HB User
Re: I feel like a lost soul

Quote:
Originally Posted by twimo View Post
Hi, I'm wondering if anyone feels the way I do?
I've been doing a bit of soul searching and just keep going around in circles.
My marriage broke up and I returned to my home town to start again. Apart from not having the man I thought I would grow old with, I don't have any money, or property or any of the other material things that one would expect a woman of my age (50) to have.
The most upsetting part of my life however is my anxiety about getting out and about. Unless I am going somewhere with a family member, I avoid going to unfamilar places. I realise that over the past few years I've been retreating into myself - not going out so much, keep to myself. If I'm honest I was ashamed of my husband, who is an alcoholic, and his behaviour when drunk. This fear of going out is obviously a result of this self-imposed exile.
My doctor insisted I put my new business venture on hold and I was on anti-depressants for a year. That helped. Stopped all the mind chatter.
I guess it all comes down to this: what am I going to do with my life? I am starting from scratch but I am no longer the attractive, feisty and confident girl I once was. Without any kind of infrastructure, everything seems so uphill. It's a vicious circle: I'm lonely but I'm ashamed of myself and that if anyone gets close to me they'll realise I have no life. I feel that I have achieved nothing with my life although in reality I have, just not recently.

 
Old 11-20-2008, 04:52 PM   #9
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 9
mshill HB User
Re: I feel like a lost soul

I guess I didn't really read your message clearly...You are hurting..I feel
so sad for you because I am not near you to help you...I was alone most of
my life, and had lost 2 husbands...The thing of it is, we have to pick our selves
up and start all over again..I have done so, many times..it is not easy....I
happen to believe in God, and he has helped me...I have lost everything so many times, but soon recovered and began all over again...I went back to
school in my 50s and got a nice job at Children's hospital and worked there
for almost 10 years...My faith is what has kept me going since I was a child...
I have been abused, almost murdered, kidnapped twice in my life time...
I am still here...holding my head up high..but with lots of aches and pains
that comes with aging....I have a gift of gardening...and I love that....
what i am trying to say is this: Never give up hope...keep yourself busy....
learn a new craft...or take a class of some kind....Go bowling, the library,
ask a friend to meet you for lunch, find a nice church to go to, volunteer
reading, or helping teachers at school...Visit nursing homes, or go to the
senior center and help them with different projects...along the way, you
will find yourself, and pick your self up by the boots and sing a different song....
I know how you feel...I have been there..I do not have one family member
living...so I have to make my own holidays, and try to be as normal as
I possibly can...and the only way to do that is by being with others that
are like you in many ways.....Do not go where there is booze, or gambling....
That is where you will find yourself in hot water again....
I understand believe me...but we can only help ourselves by over coming
what is thrown at us....and I do know...because I too have lost every thing
that I owned twice in my life time...I over come by faith and not one human
helped me..But God did....I have found that when you are at the bottom
and no where else to go....you will look up, and you will humble yourself
and you will over come and be proud that you did!...Hang in there...There
is always tomorrow...and what ever you do, never look back...Forget the
past...and only see the future!

 
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