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Old 05-05-2009, 11:39 AM   #1
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tulum HB Usertulum HB User
Aging sadness

I am 35 and I feel ugly, old, extremely low self-esteem, no self-confidence not looking forward to the future, etc. All this caused by my husband's abusive behavior.

I am taking meds , going to a therapist.

Now, I keep having these feelings of myself as older and feeling so miserable because I have aged even at 40, 45, 50, 60, etc. I feel then I will miss my youth sooooo incredibly much that I will not function.

Any recommendations? Did anyone else go through this when they were younger but now that they are older they feel better? Or am I doomed forever?


Old 05-05-2009, 11:53 AM   #2
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Re: Aging sadness

You need to get yourself away from your abusive husband ( i know that is not easy ).
It is only then that your self esteem and confidence will rise from the ashes of your present life you are living.
You are still a young women at 35 i am 50 and i have been there and unfortunately for me i ended up in an unhappy relationship having left one behind.
That is called jumping from frying pan into fire.
But i am older than you and just that bit wiser and anyway no body cares much about you when you are 50+.
So kick him in the goolies and find a new place to live such as move to another town you will feel so much better and you will find you have become a stronger person.

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Old 05-05-2009, 12:41 PM   #3
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Re: Aging sadness

I am in the process of getting away from him. We have two young children. He filed for custody because I left with them and went out of state. We have equal parenting time right now.

I was hoping he would be sincere and make changes for reconciliation but he refused to do even minor things so I just filed for divorce.

It's all too much for me to handle though. I keep missing him despite everything and missing my life before and what could have been.

I feel life is already over at 35 since I feel so miserable about myself-what's gonna happen as I get older when my looks completely fade?

I am in such torture.

Old 05-05-2009, 12:58 PM   #4
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Re: Aging sadness

once you get rid of the abusive husband and smile again, you'll be surprised how much younger you look! trust me.....

Old 05-05-2009, 02:19 PM   #5
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poppy1958 HB User
Re: Aging sadness

I know what it is like to feel the way you feel i have been there myself and it is very stressful.
You have 2 children and this makes the decision to break away all the more painful and stressful for you.
If he is the more financially secure parent and what i mean by that is does he own the home and pay the bills or pay the rent and all the bills.
If this is the case then you need to find work to support yourself and your 2 children.
There are so many issues to consider when you are in a relationship that has broken down.
If your husband is a good father then it maybe best that he has full-time parental care whilst you move on with your life.
If he is a kind man he will allow you visits and access when ever you wish in the mean time you will find the new you who is still a young women.
I am going to bed now it is 22.20 hrs in the united kingdom i will come back here tomorrow.
I was once your age so i know what you are going through..

Old 05-05-2009, 06:07 PM   #6
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Re: Aging sadness

I don't understand. Why would I give my children to my abusive husband?

Old 05-06-2009, 04:35 AM   #7
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poppy1958 HB User
Re: Aging sadness

Some husbands or partners are abusive to their spouses but adore their children and would lift heaven and earth to keep them.
So in your case it sounds that your husband is abusive to your children and you?
In which case you could not leave them with your husband it sounds as though your husband needs counselling to recognise the fact that through his abusive behaviour he is making the lives of you and the children unhappy.
If it were me and i had the resources such as money, job friends or family support i would have to break away not just for my children's happiness but for my sanity.
I would get the hell as far away as possible settle down and steer clear of male company for a long time.
The way you feel about yourself will change you will feel stronger in yourself and you will feel your young 35 years old self again believe me it happened to me.

Old 05-06-2009, 11:11 AM   #8
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Re: Aging sadness

I didna start to feel old until age 55, cuz I knew 60 was just down the road.
But I got over it. After a couple of health scares (pulmonary blood clots and removal of a heart lesion), I'm so happy 2B able to take deep breaths and have a normal heart. I remember entertainer Liberace once said (B4 everyone knew he had AIDS) "if you have your health, you have everything". Don't forget to thank the Almighty for your blessings.

My ex was so insecure that he put me down every chance he got. When my kids got 2B 19 & 20, I split. It wasn't easy, but I kept thinking "there's got 2B something better than this"--and I'm much happier now. (I don't recommend anyone staying in an abusive relationship, it just worked out that way 4 me.) Don't look back & hope for the impossible, it ain't going to happen. Move forward.

Since U've already split, I congratulate U. Stay connected w/people. Join an organization that U believe in, develop a passion for social issues and become part of the remedy. In other words, if U start caring for others U'll like what you've become and dwell less on your looks. Physical exercise is important, there are walking & running clubs everywhere. Don't fall for all the hoopla about external beauty, it's just the media using any excuse to
sell their rags, magazines, DVD's and beauty products. It really IS all about the money.

Today's news carried a picture about a beautiful young woman whose face was shot off by her husband. She's so happy to have a face again, tho she's got a way to go yet. I imagine she's not worried about aging, she's just happy to have a face that duzn't scare little kids anymore. I guess it's all relative.

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