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Old 08-15-2011, 02:39 PM   #1
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Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

My mother is around 60 and for the past few years she sometimes doesn't remember or retain the information I tell her. This is very unlike her. I know memory problems are more common as we age, but this is ridiculous. I think she's too young to have this be an everyday occurrence.

Here's an example of something that happened today: My mom had to go out to the store and I suggested that she pick up some cotton candy for our little party. I wrote down and explained what kind to get. I wrote and told her that there is a green bag which is the Mike and Ike Cotton Candy and there's a red bag which is the Hot Tamales Cotton Candy. I said not to get either of those. I said and wrote down that there should be a blue bag of the traditional cotton candy and to get that. But if she couldn't find that one, just get whatever was available.

So she came back home with two bags of the regular cotton candy which is what we wanted. But she also came back with a box of Hot Tamale candy and Mike and Ike candy. I never said anything about picking up those candies and she knows I never buy that stuff. She thought I wanted it, which is why she bought it. That was very nice of her, but not at all what I had told her. She either didn't listen to me or forgot what I had told her. It wasn't that complicated of a thing to remember.

She does this almost everyday. I don't know if she's just not listening to me, if she's daydreaming, or if she's forgetting. I just don't think it's normal. I've told her about it and she thinks I'm picking at her. I'm not. I'm concerned because I think she's too young to have these kinds of problems considering she never had them until she was around 56.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Maybe it's normal. I just don't know.

 
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Old 08-16-2011, 04:46 AM   #2
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Re: Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

Maybe you should have just said what you wanted and not what you didn't want. Could have been confusing to anyone. I always write down what someone wants me to pick up so I don't forget. My memory is forgetful even with the simplest orders it seems!
I am 65 and this stuff happens.

 
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Old 08-16-2011, 05:48 AM   #3
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Re: Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

My mom has been doing that too. My mom has some hearing loss, she wont admit it though. She is having a hard time getting things right. She tells me she wasn't paying attention. She is not hearing things correctly. Maybe hearing loss is so gradual they dont notice the change.

 
Old 08-16-2011, 10:50 AM   #4
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Re: Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

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Originally Posted by sunshine12 View Post
Maybe you should have just said what you wanted and not what you didn't want. Could have been confusing to anyone.
That's a good point. But I did write it down for her. It shouldn't have been confusing. I actually thought if I didn't mention the two bags that I didn't want, that she would just pick those up instead of looking for the bag I did want.


Quote:
Originally Posted by judy1982 View Post
My mom has been doing that too. My mom has some hearing loss, she wont admit it though. She is having a hard time getting things right. She tells me she wasn't paying attention. She is not hearing things correctly. Maybe hearing loss is so gradual they dont notice the change.
My mom does have some hearing loss in one ear and has no problem admitting it. It's due to some condition and can possibly be surgically corrected. She decided not to have surgery right now because there's the possibility that surgery could cause more hearing loss. So she's waiting until the condition worsens. She said she wouldn't mind getting a hearing aid, but her health insurance doesn't cover any of it and she can't afford to get one without the insurance.

I wonder if this hearing loss could be why she has trouble remembering things I tell her? I once had one of my ears "plugged up" by wax and had trouble hearing out of that ear until the wax was removed. But I didn't have problems paying attention or remembering things. But maybe that's a different type of a hearing problem.

 
Old 08-18-2011, 11:59 AM   #5
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Re: Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

Some people use too many words, too detailed oriented when telling others something. You are one of those people.

Try omitting the detailed comments and just make a list of what you want without further explanation.

My husband has hearing problems and gets things wrong unless fewer words are used. Many times hard of hearing people have a problem where sounds are not always translated into the correct words. Some sounds are not heard. High pitched women voices are a problem for my husband.

Try slowing speed of your speech in order for your mom's ears to have time to translate sound to words. Always get your mom's attention first then talk to her while facing her, Pause a second between sentences. This will solve much of your frustrations and your relationship with your mom will not be strained or frayed!

Your mom is trying her best to cover everything for you, give her lots of slack. Your mom does not have a memory problem, she has a hearing problem.

 
Old 08-18-2011, 03:16 PM   #6
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Re: Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

Your post with your explanation of what you said to your Mom was confusing to me too! I think you gave too much information to her and it got all mixed up. Sometimes menopause affects our memories a little and maybe she just isn't paying that much attention to you I used to have a great memory, never needed a list for anything. Now, I have to write it down and I'm lucky if I remember to take the list Just part of aging......I'm in my 60's too. Next time, go get it yourself

 
Old 08-18-2011, 03:25 PM   #7
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Re: Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

my mom gets stuff wrong all the time, and has been doing it for years.....I can almost guarantee that she will get the wrong thing, so I don't even ask her to anymore......for example, i like beefsteak rye with the seeds.....she will pick up the one without the seeds.....I asked her to pick up some frontline from the vet (flea prevention), and I even ordered it with the receptionist ahead of time so we would get the right size.....well she got there and said, I don't think that's the right size, we need the one for the next weight break.....so i ended up going back and exchanging it for the right thing.
i don't think it has anything to do with being forgetful.....
I'm forgetful

 
Old 09-04-2011, 02:42 PM   #8
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Re: Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

Quote:
Originally Posted by mej1 View Post
My mother is around 60 and for the past few years she sometimes doesn't remember or retain the information I tell her. This is very unlike her. I know memory problems are more common as we age, but this is ridiculous. I think she's too young to have this be an everyday occurrence.
Did you read the news about Pat Summitt? She's a famous basketball coach and was just diagnosed with early onset dementia, Alzheimer's type. And she's only 59. However, she will continue coaching with people around her who will help her when necessary.

One way to find out for sure about your mother is to get her tested. I believe there are some doctors that offer simple memory testing for free. Then if they think more in depth testing is needed, they will let you know. Perhaps you could even find out how to give her a simple test yourself. It can't be that complicated. Make a short list of common household items and see how many of the items she can retain in her memory, after a brief lapse of time.
Example: Soap, Apples, Beans, Broccoli and Bread. Let her study the list for a minute or so. Then take the list away and see how many items she can remember 5 minutes later. If she's not memory impaired, I think she should remember all five items.

Let us know how it works out.

___________

Joke: An 80 year old couple goes to the doctor for a check up. The doctor tells them that, physically, everything is fine but that they are both suffering impaired memory. So he tells them they should make notes....."write everything down".

Later that evening they were both watching TV and the husband decides to get up and go to the kitchen. His wife says: "While you're up, get me some ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream." He says, "okay". Then she asks: "Aren't you going to write it down?" And he says, "no, that's easy.....I'll remember it."

About 5 minutes later he comes back with a big dish of bacon and eggs. She takes a long look at it and says, "you forgot the toast." :-)

Last edited by JohnR41; 09-06-2011 at 03:10 PM. Reason: Added joke and minor adjustments

 
Old 01-05-2012, 05:53 PM   #9
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Re: Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

I can relate somewhat. The last couple of years have been stressful with new grandchildren and upcoming weddings, chronic illness and so on. Stress can definitely affect the memory but so can hearing loss. They had a seminar in our mall with an audiolgist along with the Alzheimers Society. Apparently hearing can improve cognitive function even in dementia patients. Some patients were misdiagnosed with dementia when they had hearing loss. While this does not apply to everyone with dementia it does apply to some.
I have lost over half of my hearing. Hearing Aids only amplify what you can hear, not what you can't. Cochlear implants are better so they say but the brain has to be retrained to hear.

Too, your mom could be suffering from brain fog. She could be hearing you but couldn't be bothered to listen. This could be the result of her having other things on her mind.

If you see things really getting out of hand you might mention that your mom go for a good examination. Even depression can cause memory problems.

Last edited by dorri; 01-05-2012 at 05:56 PM.

 
Old 04-04-2012, 02:54 PM   #10
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Re: Mom doesn't retain what I tell her sometimes

If your Mother has been having some of these symptoms for 4 years now I think you are seeing the progression of a problem and it needs to be addressed.
60 is not to young to be having these symptoms unfortunately. Her primary care MD should be able to give her a standard memory test which is done nationally to see her level of memory and either refer her for treatment or even give her some medication to help. If she is still going out and driving by herself, you don't want her to forget how to come home one day..could happen..best of luck..aging parents are a big concern so we have to utilize the resources available to us to protect them. God Bless and I hope your situation gets better with care.

 
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