I really need to vent. So here goes.... I have been feeling sick for so long. Between chronic PND supposedly triggered by allergies and now ear aches, nausea, headaches, fatigue, swollen glands that come and go. The pain, I can handle but I am just getting very tired of not feeling like myself. I am becoming very irritable and everyone is getting on my nerves!
I have been doing the right things...changed my diet, saw an ENT, taking my meds religiously, take vitamins, and I know it has only been a week since I saw the ENT and been on my meds but the supsense is killing me. I want to know what is wrong with me and how it can be fixed. My biggest fear is that my CT scan shows something bad and my biggest fear is also that it shows nothing at all and they find NOTHING wrong with me. Of course, I don't want anything to be wrong with me but if it were something treatable than at least I would have piece of mind that I will start feeling better. The thought of living like this for the rest of my life (BTW.. I am only 32) is terrifying!
I think everyone around me is getting sick of me not feeling good. Except my b/f...he is very supportive. I just got into a shouting match with my mother over the phone (and we get along great usually) because I said I was not feeling good today and she said "you never feel good"..so I told her I am hanging up now and did just that. Yes, well I usually feel good one day each week and the other 6 I feel bad. I'm so sorry this bothers everyone around me but how the heck do they think I feel? I'm not too thrilled about it either, believe me!
So I guess I won't tell anyone I feel bad anymore and just play "make believe" that I feel fabulous.
If anyone out there has felt or is feeling the same way I am, please let me know how you cope with this from day to day? I think I am beyond my breaking point. Thanks for reading.
I had to look at your post quite a few times just to figure out that it wasn't me that had wrote it!! It is my story almost to a tee.... I know exactly how you are feeling, I never feel good there always seems to be 'something' going on and it can be so frustrating... you try and try to figure out what you can do to make it better but nothing seems to work, I have not had a day where I felt normal. I have all of the same symptoms as you so I know what you are dealing with on a daily basis.... it's tough and sometimes the people around you don't understand and they get tired of you always being sick and tired. It sometimes feels like a vicious circle. I think my biggest fear is that I am going to have to live the rest of my life like this, I too am only 32yrs. old and feel much, much older.
Please know that you are not alone with how you are feeling... if there is anything else that I can help you with please feel free to ask... I'm here.
Yes, I feel much older than 32 these days. Although people think I look like I'm 19! I sure wish I felt as good as I did at 19.
Have you been diganosed with anything in particular?
My ENT told me to give the current meds I am taking at least 2 weeks to work. I have been taking them for 8 days so Friday will be 2 weeks and then I f/u with the ENT that day to get my CT scan results. So we'll see where this takes me.
I can ralate all to well too. I am a 31 yr old male with most of those symp. as well as a few others. The comment you made about just wanting to know something...anything so that you can go on with your life made a lot of sense to me because again, I struggle with the same thing. It is the natural order of things to be able to accept and adapt to things in our lives but if we dont know what to accept or adapt to, it leaves an open and festering wound. Myself, I dont know which is worse..the 28 days out of the month I feel ill, or the other 2 or 3 that I feel something like who I want to be. I think its about having some kind of closure either way that will facilitate some acceptance and transcendence to live beyond. Each day I try to wake up and well or ill, take in the whole of my situation, process it, fight and struggle with it, then assure myself that I have done all in my power to will it away successfully or not and then live the rest of the day above and beyond it. While sometimes easier said than done, to me its the process of taking it all in and identifying the unidentifiable and then releasing it to whatever it will do that frees me to live beside it...or let it live beside me. There are some things that I will never understand, or worse yet control.
I can sympathize.
All my life I've had horrible skin allergies. Very persistent, most of the time didn't respond to medication. This was as a child, kids made fun of me, spread rumors etc..I was really depressed for a while.
2 years ago I started getting ear pain/pressure, found out I had ETD, started on Flonase and things got better, then the Flonase gave me a cold sore so I stopped taking it. My doctor would always tell me my sinuses looked swollen and that's why I had the ear pain.
Fast forward a year later.
I started having hay fever and asthmatic symptoms so I saw a doctor who put me on Advair, Clarinex, & started back on Flonase. The three together worked GREAT for about 6 months(with a few minor flare ups of hay fever & bronchitis once), then with the start of my gymnastics training, I went downhill. I had bronchitis twice, with a very slowly, worsening of my asthma. When I look back on it, it was so slow and subtle I wish I can caught onto it earlier. When my gymnastics season started, I had what seemed like a neverending bronchitis and rashes all over in the mornings. Then one day I had pleurisy & ended up in the ER..had numerous doctor visits over a few weeks, had my first pred burst. Strangely, the day after I ended the pred burst, I started having a nasty cough. A week later, I woke up with a significant fever(102) and an even worse cough. My parents took me immediately to the doctor only to find out I had the flu or pneumonia, but most likely pneumonia. Flu test came back negative and I had pneumonia.
Here's where it got complicated. My dad was recovering from triple bypass surgery at home..and then I was spending a week home from school recovering..my coughing would wake him up at nite so I took codeine, which made me wheeze. The guilt I got from my parents was HORRIBLE, my mom was taking care of my dad and then me also..I felt so bad. But what could I do??
Had another flare up of my asthma/rashes about a month later, had another pred burst and now I have a nebulizer and Xopenex. Missed about a week ofgymnastics..at this point half my season is gone, gone to my allergy problems...
I never feel completely well. If I go longer than a few hours without food I get dizzy and weak and close to fainting. My ears/sinuses constantly have pressure and pain. I often have a cough/shortness of breath and I have to sleep sitting up at nite or else I feel like i'm gonna hack up a lung. My asthma medications make me nervous and sick..and restless. Pred bursts give me cold sores and make me very sick. I have really bad cramps and pelvic pain a good part of each month..even though I'm on the pill for all that.
And what have the doctors found??
So far I've seen a gyno for the cramps, had an ultrasound which showed a burst cyst. I've got family history of that so of course I get that handed down to me..that and allergy problems=(. I've seen a lung specialist who tried to take me off all my asthma meds and told me I didn't have asthma b/c I was having a good day(haven't had one in sooo long 2!) so my pf numbers were kinda high(but not that high..390). He was rude and didn't take me seriously for a second.
So I'm kind of alone here. My parents are frustrated as we go from doctor to doctor to hospital and back and try this med and that med.
So far I've found that I can feel somewhat good on Advair 250/50, Clarinex, Flonase, Singulair & Yasmin. But I'm ALWAYS getting sick..and no one seems to understand. It's hard when my parents look at me like...what can we do..and they look so sad about it and it kills me, I just want to be well. Next year I have college and I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm only 17! I've got a life to live! I'm trying to find a job..but I don't know what I can do if I'm sick all the time.
I'm definitely ready for some relief.. I feel your pain.
Talk to me sometimes if you want to..I understand I think what your going through.
Hope you find relief soon!
I Just Want to Feel Well Again 
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