My Mom - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

bride527 · 12-20-2003, 07:42 AM

I posted a few months back about my mother .. she is 84 and had dimentia and I am sure Alzheimer's. My Dad is 86 and he takes care of her. He still drives and is mentally okay..The both are physically healthy, thank God for that. Being my mother's caretaker is definitely wearing him down. I go to their house often and do as much as I can. I give my mom showers and wash her hair. It woudn't get done if I didn't do it.......My mom is getting worse..Her latest thing now is she goes to bed around 6:00 at night. She says she is tired and wants to rest. The only good thing about this is it gives my Dad a break to be able to relax while she is sleeping..He told me yesterday that she fell in a store that they were at and then he helped her up and she was okay. I was upset and told him he should have told me immediately or called me when it happened. It is a tough situation. They have been together since they were 16 years old and we know that one would never survive without the other.....so sad. My mom has no interest in anything and has absolutely no stimulation. Her memory is terrible althought she does know us.....(for now)....After eating Thanksgiving dinner at my house she didn't remember eating. She doesn't know it is Christmas......I feel very bad for my Dad and I worry about him......God forbid something happens to him while they are alone!.....I have one brother who isn't as involved as I am. I need to talk to him over the holidays and tell him we have to makes some decisions.........Happy Holidays to all..........bride527

camachinist · 12-22-2003, 09:43 PM

How does Dad feel about you getting him some respite care? No one should have to deal with this 24/7. It is quite common for the mentally ill person wearing down the care-partner and killing (for lack of a better term) them off long before the dementing disease gets the patient.

Have you folks tried adult day care?. There are programs for those with dementia which can be stimulating.

IME, parents don't wish to burden their children with their problems and this habit seems to be very ingrained. How you handle dad's revelations will likely dictate how forthcoming he is. Remember, the world he is living in is very different than ours; it is the world created by dealing with and living with the mentally ill. If you were to send dad on a cruise and take care of mom for a week 24/7, you'd know (if you don't already) exactly what I mean.

I think your instinct about talking to your sibling and formulating a plan of action is a good one. You should consider getting a POA for dad's health and financial care if something were to happen to him, as mom isn't competent to assume those responsibilities. As he is managing their assets currently, you could assume those responsibilities, and, tangentially, those of mom's care, if he were to unexpectedly fall ill or become demented as well.

Best wishes!

Pat