can someone tell me in detail.. - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Kath833181 · 05-05-2004, 05:00 PM

What to do the day my family determines my dad needs a nursing home? Right now I don't think he needs it. He can walk, he can poop and pee, and he is about 60% with it. I am working on the legal aspects, I have changed the house to my mom, filed a homestead, executed a health care proxy, and gotten a durable power of attorney which is about to be put on file at my registry of deeds.

I have printed off the medicare application and I am currently compiling what is necessary. I have 50% of it. And the Application is about 50 % filed out.

Say tomorrow I needed to put him in a NH what would I do? Call doctor? Call nursing home? Should I be looking at nursing homes now just in case? Should I be putting my dad on waiting lists or something?

And when does he need a nursing home? I understand that even if the family feels he should go, if the doctor doesn't sign off on it, he can't go. Should we be looking for a doctor that is sensitive to these needs?

SnowyLynne63 · 05-05-2004, 05:34 PM

What does his Dr.say??You can't just put him in a NH without a Dr.order........How old is he? I got my medicare at age 60.........If yer refuses to listen or talk to you get a new Dr.I have a Neurologist for my AD,family Dr.for the rest of me.........

BarbaraH · 05-06-2004, 09:41 AM

Hi,

You've done well addressing most of the issues families need to deal with when they have a loved one with Alzheimer's. You didn't mention if your father is on any one of the several drugs that slow Alzheimer's or if he's on an antidepressant. My mother benefitted from both of those type drugs.

Consider, too, that your father may benefit from an assisted living facility long before he needs a nursing home. My mother can no longer do anything for herself and has even forgotten how to walk. She is well cared for in the assisted living facility we chose for her. She does not notice or care where she is.

I think you should begin the selection process for either an assisted living facility or a nursing home by visiting those in your area now and tour their buildings (is it clean? does it smell good?cost?) and observe their residents (are they clean? neatly dressed? content?). When you have narrowed the choices down to 2 or 3, ask at each place about the need for being out on a waiting list. My mother's experience with Alzheimer's was sudden. From 18 months of forgetting things - more and more things, then lots of things - to a 3 week downhill sprial: opened the same gift bag 3 times in 10 minutes and was equally delighted with the gift each time, forgot an airplane trip that happened just 3 days before (yikes!), and tried to leave the house and drive away at 11pm because she didn't believe it was night and I knew she could no longer live in her house. I had 3 weeks to find an acceptable place for her and move her in. I don't recommend that kind of rush.

You're not alone on this unwelcome path. Peace - Barbara

camachinist · 05-07-2004, 03:51 AM

What does your mom say? After all, she's his wife. When my mom cared for my dad during his fatal battle with cancer, I took no issues with her approach, but did learn from it and the mistakes she made, especially in dealing with the medical community.

Many of the other aspects depend on what state you live in. Hard to give blanket advice.

As Lynne said, a medical professional will determine that NH care is necessary. You can, however, place your father in assisted living (in a facility that has dementia care) on your own, at your expense. You also can assess NH in your area and determine which would suit your needs for a prospective placement and communicate your preference to his doctors. Also, ask for their opinion and that of their staff. Use the online Medicare NH comparator to find out more information.

Best wishes!

Pat

dalesgirl · 06-20-2004, 04:58 PM

As stated assisted living could come before a nursing home but that's more determined between the family and the doctor. I do suggest looking at nursing homes in your area. There are some good and some bad ones out there. That way when the decision has to be made you already know. I live in a small town and there are two nursing homes. You can pretty much talk to residents of the community to get their insight on some things. Also include your mom in all these things and assist her in letting her make the decision. I suggest ONLY stepping in when need be. I mean if mom is stubborn like most of us women and want to keep dad at home to care for him allow her to until you see that either she is risking her health or your father is suffering from it. I know of a man who just couldn't bring himself to put his wife in a nursing home. He kept her home for a year. When she was admitted she hadn't bathed in forever because he couldn't handle her. Her clothes were literally stuck to her. Her husband was very loving and just wanted to help her but simply couldn't. It would take 3 of us to give the woman a shower and she had to be fed, often throwing things back. Many people would believe they can do better for them at home and some can but it takes such a strain on the surviving spouse not only emotionally but physically, especially for a woman. ALZ can cause you to become 10 times stronger then normal and just helping them get around can be a challenge.