I'm feel so sad and lost. I need help. - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Victoria10 · 02-28-2005, 12:32 PM

I just found out that my Dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Does it HAVE to be that, necessarily? I know there are many different types and reasons for dementia. He only has short term memory loss right now...but my step mother is the one who talked with the doctors. She is a person who does not tend to look on the bright side, but looks for the worst. This is how she handles things. she is sayting that my father will go downhill quickly, with only a year and a half to two years before he "does not know us anymore". Is this necessarily true? Couldn't it just go more slowly in some people, or go a certain degree and stop there: I feel like my heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. Can someone say anything that will help me?

Martha H · 02-28-2005, 12:45 PM

Dear Victoria,

NO! no! it does not have to be that bad! My Mom has (probably) had AD for about a year. She is still a sweet, agreeable, pleasant to be around person... MOST of the time. Her memory loss comes and goes, there are clear days when she knows things I have forgotten.

The rate of deterioration varies from case to case. For early onset patients it can be slowed very much by medications. Later there is an arsenal of drugs to help the person sleep, or remain calm, or get rid of depression, according to what his problems are.

Don't despair. You are not alone. We are here to help hold each other up, after all, that's what support means.

My Mom is 96, how old is your dad?

Have all other causes for his behavior been ruled out?

Is he on any medications?

Keep in touch here, and read old posts also. I learned an immense amount from reading the stories of Barbara H and of GizmoLove whose parents were AD patients before passing away.

Love and prayers,

Martha H

Victoria10 · 02-28-2005, 01:02 PM

Martha,

God bless you for replying. I am sitting at my office in tears most of the day. My father is 80 years old. This short term memeory loss has just manifesteditself within the last three months or so. Yes, he has had an MRI which shows calcification in his brain. That is supposed to be what happens with alzheimers, I think. He had a testing session with a Neurologist, and then a second opinion with a team of Geriatricians. I was not included in attendence, just my step mother. She seems to be saying they are convinced that he is in the "early stages" of Alzheimers, on number 20 on a rating of 0 to 25 where the lower you go the worse it is. She says the Dr.s told her that he will go down about 4 points a year...so that he has about 2 years before he "does not know us anymore". I have not studied this AT ALL yet. Can you tell me some things? Does it necessarily have to keep getting worse, or does it necessarily have to get worse that fast? Does he necessarily HAVE to eventually lose HIMSELF and knowledge of other people? Is there ANY room for me to hope that he may just be fuzzy at times, but maybe go on as ususal in personality? I desperately need a different perspective from the bleak one that my step mother is painting. Thanks.

LuvMyLilDoggie · 02-28-2005, 01:06 PM

There is no way of telling for sure how long it will take before he doesn't know anyone anymore. My dad has had it for at least 10 years that I know of. He still knows who I am. He still walks. He still communicates although not as well as he used to.

Do an internet search for alzheimers association. A good place to start is alz.org.

Alzheimer's is an awful disease. Learn all you can about it. And take what your step mother says with a grain of salt. You know she focuses on the worst. Take one day at a time and love your dad for who he is now.

Take care of yourself and please post back to us. These people here are a great source of information and comfort for me.

Barb

LuvMyLilDoggie · 02-28-2005, 01:23 PM

There are medications like Aricept that can slow the process. And anti-depressants help my dad to remain more calm and a bit more focused. Has anyone spoken to your step mother about medications?

To be honest with you, I would be leery of a doctor who is so sure in his diagnosis that he can tell almost exactly when things will happen. There is not even a test that definitely diagnoses alzheimer's. It's basically a culmination of tests to rule out all other possible illnesses or diseases that help doctors come to the conclusion of alzheimer's. That's why I'm leery of this doctor if he actually said that. Could it be that the doctor gave your step mom a worst case scenerio and she's taking it as fact that that's what's going to happen? I think that's entirely possible from what you say about her.

What you're going through is horrible. Take the time to let yourself feel what you feel. That's the best advice I can give you right now. I wish they had a smiley that hugs. I'd give that to you right now.

Barb