Latest Events - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

angel_bear · 03-01-2005, 08:26 PM

HI all

Well .. what's been happening since my return?

Not alot.

FIL is coming home this afternoon. The social Worker "G" is horrified, and I'm terrified because nothing else is in place to help me out. Nobody has gone to visit the two nursing homes to prepare ourselves for the facing of FIL and the current situation ..

and all in all ... I sit here, waiting for somebody to MAKE A DECISION!!!

L HAS decided to go to College (Yay .. finally .. a decision!!! sheesh ....

)
DH is still at his TAFE course (final year, can't stop him now)
BIL isn't booking any jobs on a Monday to help me out, but will work if the need arises (ok .. I can work with that one).

A friend of MIL's rang me today and asked what was happening, and I told her EVERYTHING .. so she's ringing their joint friends and seeing if they will take MIL every Thursday for most of the day ... that would be nice ....

I informed FIL today that I'm pretty broken right now. I can do food, I can do med's, but physical ... nope .. sorry .... I can't even lift a 2 litre bottle of coke!! I packed FIL into the car on Monday afternoon and re-hurt myself. Not AS bad as it was, but I'm still hurting .. !!!

It's waking me up at night, I'm trying NOT to take toooo many pain killers, but neither am I complaining. I'm just at the stage of <b>stating my case.</b> Yes I can do 'this', no I can't do 'that' or "I can try, oh ouch, nope, not that" or "I can try, cool .. that worked!"

I have the social worker "G" coming around tomorrow at 2.30 for a bigger chat (he was in a hurry today, but wanted to touch base,) and is concerned that none of the family have actually done anything at all!!! They all seem to be waiting for ...... well, I guess ME to do something ..

I'm NOT cooking dinner for MIL or FIL tonight (it's my night off anyway) but I will have a dinner in reserve for them *just in case*

That's the latest ... I even forgot to go to the doctor for my BP check up on MOnday .. whoops!!

Hugs
Sally

BarbaraH · 03-01-2005, 09:13 PM

Mercy Sally!

I almost got my MIL a shirt that said "Ask me - I can't say NO". Glad you've found the self preservation voice!!!!!! Poor shoulder. Poor neck. Poor Sally. My angel MIL has never found that voice. Poor angel MIL! Stick to your guns and refuse to do what will or might harm you.

Good grief!!!!!!!!! Have the blood kin of FIL and your MIL forgotten you're related by marriage?????????????? It's not your job to scope out residences for them or to make such decisions. They are big boys now and it's their job. How much can Social Worker G. accomplish? I hope he can move mountains, empty double rooms, ignite fuses under the sons, and ease your burdens, dear heart.

Sally, you're an angel in sandals! Bless your heart and neck and shoulder and the rest of you. Wish I could help.

Hugs - Barbara

angel_bear · 03-02-2005, 12:58 AM

I am awaiting a phone call from BIL ... apparently he rang a nursing home and was supposed to ring me today, he ended up popping in, but I had to go out .. in between all that, I bumped into L, and she said BIL was going to ring me and was shocked he hadn't .. BIL and I caught up tonight .. and ahhhhh ... he will ring me shortly.

Good O' !!

Bumping into L today, and I said "how's the course going" and she said "Well, I'm being forced to do it, so .. well .. you know ..................." .... and me sits quietly and doesn't say anything (except positive words of I'm glad your doing it, and good that your doing it, and and and .....) and I quietly thinks ....... "hmmmmmm .... " then I 'mention' to FIL her statement and he says that BIL told him thinks it's a bit silly she's insisting on doing the course.

Games? Miscommunication? Another way to look like she's wanting to help but not?

MIL having a few issues today. Got an account from a doctor and was confused. FIL told her he was coming home tonight, and got confused. I prepared a dinner for them and sent my son down with the 'welcome home Pa' dinner, and she was confused, needed to send a Fax today and got the "NO NO NO .. go away" from MIL, tonight we've had slamming doors and a bit of huffing and the "horrible horrible" at me, and BIL says "well I saw her today and she was quite lucid" ...... ahh yes .. you saw her for ONE HOUR ........ ok .. maybe even TWO ..... but <b>YOU DON'T SEE THE TRUTH !!!!!</b>

don't believe me? Come and live here for 2 months ....... but the answer I get is NO ... so .... who's not facing the truth?

Venting ........ gotta vent........... off to take some pain relief

Hugs
Sally

Martha H · 03-02-2005, 01:24 AM

Dear Sally,

I don't know how you do it. I don't understand the 'I'm being forced to do it." Forced by whom? Did someone say to L "do the course, then you won't have to mind MIL a lot of the time?" That's so unfair to you. If she isn't really interested in the course or taking it seriously, what good will it do her or anyone else?

Meanwhile you have to keep plugging away for more help. If MILs friends take care of her every Thursday, that is wonderful, but still leaves YOU with Friday, Saturday, Sunday etc.... not good enough.

I have high hopes that the social worker can intervene and get people to do things. Remember your vow: if she hits you or your kids (I added the last bit) drive her to the Psych hospital and leave her there.

Remember, it isn't her. It's the Imposter, and the Imposter has to be dealt with.

Praying for you. Is there any treament for the neck other than pain pills?

Love,

Martha

angel_bear · 03-02-2005, 02:31 AM

Hi Martha,

I'm not sure how I'm doing it either .. but BOY O BOY was I diplomatic tonight! LOL

L informed me that BIL is forcing her to do the course.... BIL (trained nurse) informed others that the Assistant In Nursing course (the one she's doing) is a stupid course.

Truth? Yeah . .. right .. it's out there .. I'm just sifting through the Ka Ka ...

Yes, the imposter is here .. the trouble is, some people don't TRULY believe there IS an imposter ... I guess they're the ones riddled with guilt .. not me ....

Let's see... MIL's weekly routine:
Sunday Morning : Church
Monday Morning: 10 Pin Bowling
Tuesday : Nothing
Wednesday : Nothing
Thursday : Well, hopefully friends
Friday : Nothing
Saturday : Nothing

of course, Nothing days can be filled in with shopping .. food / goodies .. whatever.

I hope the friends come through, because that will be one day of being able to BREATH.

And anything else for the neck? Well, although I missed the doctors appointment on Monday, i will try and make another .. he can check by BP and I'll push my neck. Trouble is .. getting people to listen to me .. as I crash, I feel I'm being ignored as complaining, whinging and 'going on about it'.

I don't feel at all valuable or useful .. I'm feeling somewhat in the way.

ESPECIALLY when BIL says "Well I found Mother quite lucid today, i don't see why other people have a problem with it"

BLIND ........ ABSOLUTELY BLIND ........... methinks........

come on Social Worker G ............. I need you more than you could imagine.

Hugs to all
that's my vent for tonight
(yes, just tonight)

Sally