Any suggestions? - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

leelee05 · 03-08-2005, 07:32 PM

My grandmother lives alone and has been getting forgetful more and more this past year. Lately she has been forgetting to take her pills. If I call to remind her, she gets mad. There is a certain pill that she can't forget and has twice this past week. Her mother, father and brother all had/have alzheimer's and I would like her to be tested for it, but she refuses to go see her dr at all. I'm in the process of trying to find a place for her to move to that has people to help if she needs it. She doesn't know I'm doing this and i'm having a very hard time b/c these places are very expensive and she doesn't have a lot of money. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thank you!

seekalot · 03-08-2005, 08:46 PM

Hi, sorry I can't help much with specifics, but since you mentioned not getting a positive response from your grandmother when you suggest things or remind her to take pills, etc., I just wanted to mention a very helpful book I found in the library today called How to Say It to Seniors : Closing the Communication Gap with our Elders by David Solie.

This books talks about how the elderly, like any other age group, have their own "developmental agenda" -- they are trying to accomplish "built in" tasks that come with that stage of life, and rather than being slow, stubborn, unreasonable, "difficult," or any of the other insults that commonly get thrown at them, they simply don't CARE about the goals YOU think they should care about but instead are trying to accomplish what THEY need to do before they die. I guess I'm making it sound theoretical but it isn't -- it's very practical, with lots of examples of how to mention your suggestions or concerns in better ways that the older person is more likely to respond well to.

It talks about the main two tasks of old age being: 1) keeping control of what little they can in the face of all the normal losses of aging (health, loved ones, a respected role in society), and 2) figuring out what their "legacy" is in a way that is really meaningful to them.

For example how this might apply (this is just my guess) -- your grandmother may be responding with anger when you call and tell her to take her pills because she may feel you are challenging her independence? (which she already KNOWS she is losing anyway due to physical decline, etc.) So if instead you asked respectfully something like, "Grandma, how can I help you stay on top of remembering to take your pills?" maybe this would help you and her together figure out a better solution?

Just wondering, may be an approach that might help you help her more effectively...wishing you the best.

mariahlw23 · 03-08-2005, 09:13 PM

'ello leelee.

Welcome to the boards. I'm sorry you have to be here, but I'm glad you found it. I've found forums like this one to be a lifesaver when it comes to dealing with the ins and outs of daily living with this horrid disease.

Is your grandmother forgetting to take her meds, or is she intentionally neglecting to take her pills, or taking them selectively? If she's forgetting, you might try an automatic timed dispenser? Also, is she dosing herself, or does someone do it for her? When my GF was handling his own meds, I came home one day to find him on the floor, absolutely lit, after taking too many of his muscle relaxants (6, I came to find out…he was supposed to take half!

), and he'd tripped and broke his fall with his head. D'oh! I don't know what your grandmother is taking, but if she's managing them herself, I'd remedy that with a quickness.

Or if that doesn't work (my grandfather either couldn't hear the alarms on his, or when he did, he couldn't figure out how to open them, and they wound up shattered), are there any other relatives/friends/neighbors/etc. that would be willing to call or drop by to help you bear the brunt of her anger at being reminded? I reached the point with my grandfather where he could get mad til he was blue in the face and rattle off every four/five letter word in his vocabulary, I didn't care. Life with AD is..interesting enough, to say the least..there's no need to add to it. And its for their own good, whether they like it/realize it or not. So there!

*LOL*

As for getting her to the doctor..perhaps you can trick her into it? Ethical..hardly, but it works like a charm with my GF. But I don't know your situation. My GF has lived with my mother and I for over a decade, and been in our care since '98, so his docs know us well.

Hope this helps, and that you can get your grandmother the help she needs. Again, welcome to the boards.

…mariah…