Need help and advice - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

JK26 · 03-10-2005, 10:55 AM

I am 26 years old and my grandmother who suffers from AD is 89. She was diagnosed a little over 2 years ago with mild, moderate AD. I am the primary caretaker and my mom helps out when the situations get beyond my control and my stepdad will relieve me if it becomes too much too handle. Over the past few weeks my grandmother has gone done hill fast, she is angry, violent, and is ripping her house apart, so we have switched her to 10mg of Aricept instead of 5, this is not helping. I am not doing well with this and am constantly upset, plus I have developed an ulcer over the past year. I guess, I am looking for some words of encouragement and some options. A nursing home isn't an option due to money and she refuses, in home care is out, she hasn't cooperated with anyone and told them to get out of her house, so they had to. She has become attached to me, because I am the only one she sees regularly. I am in Missouri and was wondering if someone could recommend an organization or had any ideas. Thanks

Martha H · 03-10-2005, 01:01 PM

JK, I am sorry you have to be here, but welcome. People on this Board have a lot of good ideas, and will surely be of help to you.

Besides yourself and your mother, are there any other family members who can give you a hand? It is hard on the health of the caregiver to be on 24/7 duty; we wind up with ulcers, high BP and worse.

As far as the cost of nursing homes is concerned, many of them (in the USA) will accept a Medicaid patient. To be on Medicaid your grandmohter would have to have less than a certain amount of money. Sadly, my Mom is too rich to get it, and too poor to pay for such care herself, or just for a few months. That however is also an option: when her own assets are gone, Medicaid kicks in and she can stay in the same nursing home where she was.

I am all for custodial care, but I have siblings who were quite happy to let me do most of it, until about 6 months ago when I reacted with great anger to the suggestion that "Mom is really fine, YOU are the *****." Right now my Mom is on her way to a 3 week visit with my sister, and starting in June my brother and sister in law plan to take her into their home, and I will be free to leave NY ..

I felt a lot of guilt at first, but have convinced myself that I did my share (over 5 years of Eldercare) and now the rest of them can step in. My Mom is 96.

Good luck, I hope you can work something out.

Love,

Martha

JK26 · 03-10-2005, 01:37 PM

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, unfortunately it really is only my mother and I. My grandmother is in the same position as your mother, too poor to pay out of pocket and she doesn't qualify for medicaid. All my grandmother has is medicare, which isn't much help. We have transferred all of her assets out of her name, but that was done only within the last year, so I don't think it has been long enough. This disease is awhile and I thought it was bad when my grandfather died 13 years ago of cancer. Take care and I wish you the best.

LuvMyLilDoggie · 03-10-2005, 07:56 PM

JK26, My dad was like that until he went on antidepressants. If your grandma isn't taking an antidepressant, that may be something you could ask her doctor about. It made a world of difference in my dad's behavior. He's a bit like his old self again. The doctor took him off the antidepressants for a few months and it was a nightmare here. Now that he's back on them, it's much better.
I hope this helps.
Barb

Twinlynn · 03-11-2005, 09:41 AM

Also very helpful would be if your grandmother could have a full "work-up" by a Geriatrician--a doctor who specializes in the care of the elderly and can help determine, both physically and mentally, exactly what is going on. (I know this can be a real toughie to arrange if you grandmother insists she is "fine". It's like a tightrope you balance, trying to determine exactly when the time comes that you must override her wishes. We all have this sensitive issue to deal with---and it's an awful time for both you and your loved one.) My Mom passed away some years ago--so others here will have more up-to-date info. on new drugs, anti-depressants for the elderly, etc. etc.

Hope things get easier for you both. Lynn :-)