Guardian moving Dad to assisted living WHY? - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

SummerRain · 03-12-2005, 04:44 PM

Due to Dads resentment of his children, we let a granddaughter become guardian over Dads body; state conservator has power over assets. She just took guardianship Feb 28. Now she is taking Dad around and planning on moving him to assisted living because dad is not happy in the VA nursing home. I want Dad to be happy, but no matter where he goes he will not be happy without mom who passed away last Aug. The granddaughter thinks there is nothing wrong with Dad but old age. She has not seen his behavior. She does not believe the doctors. I am so afraid if she moves Dad, dad will run away again. He is a runner. He also wanders at night and will not sleep in a bed. He can fool people, but not professionals. We agreed to let the granddaughter be guardian because we thought she would keep him safe; she is not. My sister and I kept him for 15 months. I cannot tell you how many times he ran off, wound up in ditches, got lost, and had the police bring him home. We had a heck of a time trying to control his running and now she wants to put him in a place where he can run. The VA doctors had told us to "place him, or we will" that he is not a suitable candidate for assisted living. He fades in and out with this horrible disease. Now I feel the trust we had put into the granddaughter is shattered. But yet we are the ones who agreed. I am afraid Dad will leave assisted living and walk down the busy highways with his walker as he has done before. I do not know if I should approach the judge with this issue or just let it go and whatever happens happens. I told my sister maybe we should have some kind of meeting with the doctors, staff and the VA officials who declared him incompetent and make sure the granddaughter is there to hear it all. She thinks we are nuts and Gramps is okay. I would love for Dad to live with me, but it was unsafe; night running. This granddaughter we feel may try to get Dad declared competent because she has already asked "what if Gramps writes a will." Something is wrong here and I cannot figure it out. Any suggestions, thanks

angel_bear · 03-12-2005, 04:49 PM

Me? I would find a lawyer .. and fast ...

Cover your backside, because there's always someone close by who wants to kick it.

:-)

Hugs .. goodluck .. sorry I've got no other answers .. but Alarm Bells are ringing on your behalf ....

Hugs
Sally

Martha H · 03-12-2005, 05:19 PM

Dear Summer Rain,

It was not a good idea to place so much power in the hands of one person. Go to an Eldercare lawyer. Take along with you any written statments you may have, such as that from the VA. Or have him or her call them. You can get your lawyer to call the court and stop the move to declare him competent when he clearly isn't. Get copies of police reports of his running away behavior.

Meanwhile get him some sleeping pills for the night, so at least he can't run away then.

I am so sorry you are in this situation. The granddaughter may be too immature to handle this responsibility, OR she may have ulterior motives, like inheriting all of Grandpa's property. Good luck. Do it right away, don't wait. He is a catastrophe waiting to happen. If he walks on the highway and gets killed, whose fault will it be?

So sad to see a previously normal person so deteriorated.

Love,

Martha

BarbaraH · 03-12-2005, 05:46 PM

Hi Summer Rain,

As Sally and Martha have said, the doctors at the VA, police, and an eldercare lawyer are your team and haste is needed to keep your father safe. One other thing that may slow down any transfer, is if you call the facilities that may be contacted as a place for you father to be moved and alert the managers to his real condition. They don't want the risk. Perhaps also add that the family is taking steps to keep him safely confined (or something like that).

I think the granddaughter may indeed be too immature or deep into wishful thinking. When, at my more advanced age, I was told my mother had to go to a locked facility because she was raoming at night and had been found out on a busy street, it did not occur to me to question that. Her safely was more important - and she didn't care where she was at that stage.

Wishing you well - Barbara

angel_bear · 03-12-2005, 07:10 PM

I just thought of another thing too .... my friend just put her mother into a nursing home, and all of a suddent all her brothers and sisters are up in arms!! Why? Because mother's house will have to be sold to fund her stay in the home. OH NO say the siblings ... but when she dies, what will happen to our inheritance? When my friend told me that, I did point out to her that she should say that "Mum is STILL alive thankyou very much and it's HER money/house and it's supposed to be there to help HER ..." .. note: not one of her siblings have offered to have Mother in their own homes and dumped it all on my friend because she's the youngest ....hmmmm

Is the grandaughter acting in Grandfathers best interest or HER own interest? Unfortunatley, if she has the rapport and trust with him, she can abuse it yet still look the doting grandchild ..

Be careful ... denial is dangerous (grandaughter I mean) ... in more ways than one.

Goodluck
Sally