I Wanna Scream!!!!! - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

LuvMyLilDoggie · 03-14-2005, 11:57 AM

Ok, blue face screaming!

Dad has been having this toothache he sometimes says----depends on what day it is. Yesterday was his 79th birthday. Dh and I had been planning on taking him out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Ok, so now it's time to get ready to go. Dad, of course, has been sleeping all day so we wake him up to go to dinner. "Oh, I don't feel good. You guys go without me. My tooth hurts". Tooth hurts??? Saturday, I asked how his tooth was because he was complaining of it hurting the day before. He said "i haven't had a toothache in years". Fast forward to yesterday. Dad decides (as dh, my son and I are walking out the door to go to dinner and celebrate dad's birthday without him) that he's going to go with. Ok, so we take off our coats and sit and wait for dad to spend an hour picking out a shirt. Meanwhile, dh is VERY hungry and anxious to go. Dad wound up NOT changing his shirt. He decided that a white v-neck t-shirt was good enough.

We get to the restaurant and as we're getting out of the car, dad says "I should have stayed home". I ignored the comment and we went inside. We had to wait about 15 minutes for a table so dad began his little comments again. You know, the kind that jab you right in the side like "come on I dare ya." After a few minutes of that I said "you wanna go?" to which he replied "I can cook!" "Well, I know you can dad but this is your birthday. No one should have to cook on their birthday." He quieted down and we had a lovely dinner. The waitress brought out ice cream for him and told him happy birthday. Then she told him to put on this bandana with braids on each side (he did!) and she took his picture. It was the funniest thing I've seen in ages! He looked like Willie Nelson except he had the bandana backwards so I guess he looked like Willie Nelson and Aunt Jemima!

Now we're at today. I worked from 6am till 11am. I had a chance to stay longer but I didn't because dad had agreed to go to the dentist today.
Dad doesn't have medical insurance because he's an army veteran and he gets all of his medical care through the VA. Well, the VA has a dental clinic but they only take care of veteran's dental needs if the veteran has a chronic serious medical problem like diabetes. Ok. I thought there would be no problem. WRONG!!! Apparently congestive heart faiure (let alone his other medical problems) does NOT qualify as a chronic serious medical problem. Therefore, the VA will NOT treat him for any dental problems. His VA doctor tried to get him an appt with a dentist there and she couldn't even get him in.

So I call our county's medical clinic because they also have a dental center and you pay on a sliding scale basis depending on your income. They say dad has to see one of their doctors and be put on anti-b's for 1-2 weeks before the dentist will see him. Ok. I can understand that. Dad can see the doctor today. Good. This means that maybe we can get this all taken care of before dad goes to Alabama.

But wait. Dad's asleep. He's got his days and nights mixed up again. I'll have to wake him up. So I wake him up and explain to him that if he wants to go to Alabama when my sister comes here, he has to go see the doctor today. His response? "I don't feel good." "Well, dad, that's a good time to see a doctor to get some antibiotics for that sore tooth." "I'll deal with the pain". How??? By complaining to ME about it??? And then when my sister comes to get him, he'll say "I think I'll stay home and get my tooth checked out." What does he want me to do? Call the dentist and tell him to come over for coffee and "oh, by the way, if dad's awake, would you check his teeth???" Jeeeezzz Laweeezzz!!! What a pain in the patootie!!!!

I'll tell ya what. He's going to Alabama come hell or high water. I've been dealing with this for a solid year with NO breaks. No one's even volunteered to take him for a day much less anything else. But oh boy they all sure want what little money he has. Even my brother who lives 30 miles from here. He's only seen dad once in 7 years! I love my dad but I'm fed up with the whole bunch of them.

I think I'm going to go somewhere now and shop or something. I got to get out of here before I start screaming.

As always, thank you all for listening to my whiny witchy (with a capital B) rantings.

Love, Barb

Martha H · 03-14-2005, 12:13 PM

No Barb, not whining, not witchey with any kind of B.

You are human and fed up! I also appreciate your comments about my sister.
You need a break. Let him go to AL with or without toothache, they have dentists there too.

Just hand him over to your sister and clap as they leave. Your work has been too much for anyone, and with no appreciation. The 7 years absent brother should also be dragged into Dadcare ... and instead of wanting Dad's money he should be billed for his share of the care.

This is really a most horrible disease, and I think if it weren't for this Board and the chance to vent, I would have thrown in the towel way before this. I've been with Mom for 5 years now; the first 2 were good . Then I started noticing small lapses and became a bit worried, pooh poohed by everyone .. last year around this time the really bad Alzheimer-like problems began, wandering off, not finding her way home ,taking a taxi to church but forgetting where it is and not being able to tell the driver, and getting out in a strange area. Neighbors told me 'your mother should not be out alone,'' and still my sister wouldn't believe it.

When I first wrote to this Board in December I was at my wits end.

I thank all of you fellow sufferers for your incredible help - just by being there, knowing I have a place to holler and not be condemned for it - is so great.

Mom is probably telling Elsie all kinds of things about me, just as she always complains to me about Candy (HHA). I yell at her, I get upset, I am impatient, I can't wait, I rush her, I am impossible to live with. Elsie not only believes her but fuels the fire.

I am almost at the point where I seriously suggest Mom should stay with her .. BUT, Bill is a much better and more understanding and calm person. She will be way better off with him.

At this point it doesn't mater if I am a good or a lousy caregiver, my 'sentence ' ends in mid June anyhow ...

Love,

Martha

LuvMyLilDoggie · 03-14-2005, 02:12 PM

Yes, you can see the light of freedom becconing you.

What part of Indiana will you be moving to?

Love, Barb

Martha H · 03-14-2005, 02:20 PM

It's Middlebury, in Elkhart County, East of South Bend.

angel_bear · 03-14-2005, 05:12 PM

Martha and girls ....

I think this board has been our salvation. When NOBODY else has listened, the members here HAVE ... that alone in itself is enough justification that we are NOT imagining these horrible things, and that we ARE NOT alone ...

That's the most important thing, KNOWING we're not alone .. KNOWING that at any given time, at any given moment, we can hop on here and read a friendly word, some sage advice and have a friend to have a laugh with ..... especially when the physcial people around you aren't ...

Salvation ....

Hugs
Sally