The Hygiene Issue. How to talk to the doctor about it? - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

LuvMyLilDoggie · 03-23-2005, 02:10 PM

I have to talk to dad's doctor about this when we go there tiomorrow. I have tried to get her alone for a few seconds before but dad is always there. His hygiene is SO BAD now! I can't tell you the last time he showered and I think he doesn't do a good enough job when he does shower. He rarely changes clothes and when he does, I have to sneak in his room and "steal" his dirty clothes and put them in the washer right away. And God forbid I take his sheets and pillowcases to wash. He throws a tantrum that lasts from the time I put them in the washer until they're back on the bed. We cannot put another set on his bed because he wants those. I wish we had two sets of the same ones so the hissy fits would only last a few minutes. lol

Anyway, back to my question. Do I just come right out and say "Doc, dad hasn't showered in probably months and refuses to shower"? That sounds so cold. Thank God he doesn't sweat and it takes a while before he starts stinking. Or am I getting used to it? But I'm not worried about the smell. It's disgusting to not shower or wash your hands, of course. And I don't want him to get so bad that he gets an infection or something.

Like I said, he really doesn't smell bad until he hasn't had a shower for a LONG time. Me, if I don't take a shower every day, I can tell. But him, I can't.

Should I say something to the doctor right in front of him. I can tell you now that if I do tell, I'm telling it like it is.

Oh, I've tried calling the doctor but it's a VA hospital. No contact with the doctor until the visit.

Thanks in advance. I know you guys will have some great advice.

Love, Barb

angel_bear · 03-23-2005, 02:18 PM

I try writing a letter to the doctor, because 1) it's easier to write it down because I will forget when I get there and 2) he can read it in private in his own time and is 'warned' ...

I try and get 'the letter' to him the day before our appointment. Of course, if it's really urgent, I have his home number and his mobile, but I don't abuse that fact.

Your Dad MUST wash ... not only does he have an increased risk of cross infection, but body bacteria breeds rapidly, and while you have cooler weather it's not so bad, but when the warmer weather arrives, you'll be seeing yeast infections !!!!

As for the sheets .. when my daughter was a newborn, we couldn't go anywhere without HER sheets ... I finally got her used to a lambswood underlay .. perhaps you could start your Dad on that? Lambswood doesn't need to be washed nearly as often!! It will have his 'scent' on it, and maybe you won't have the sheet tantrum. That being said, get two so you have them in constant rotation. It will take a while, but he might even sleep better on soft wool.

Goodluck .. he sounds like a challenge!! LOL

Hugs
Sally

Martha H · 03-23-2005, 02:40 PM

Dear Barb,

It must be hard not seeing the same Dr every time. I think you just have to blurt it out. Dad will be mad (so what else is new?) but he will get over it. Ask, "how can I get him to shower and get himself clean more often?"

The doctor may not even want to deal with this non medical (except for infections .. good point) problem, but he might be able to get a visiting nurse service organized which might send someone to bathe him a couple of times a week.

I don't know if your Dad poses a physical threat to you when he is angry. If so, would your husband take over the task of just telling him "Dad, time for a linen change" ..and start stripping the bed? (is Dad in bed all the time?) .. or if it is just loud protests, ignore them and repeat, as calmy as yu can - play acting - it is time for a bed linen change. period.

Mom does not see well, in fact she is legally blind. The only problem with bedsheets is that the day after I stripped and changed the linens, she will say it's time for a bed linen change and strip it again (I just take out an extra load of wash, it's easier than an argument) .. Mom forgets to wash, and as I have mentioned before, does not get herself really clean after toileting, although there is a supply of wet wipes in the bathroom .. and therefore can stink shortly after a shower. She doesn't realize it and is insulted when told.

This is a common problem amng AD caregivers/patients .. we all have to learn to do unpleasant tasks we never thought we'd do again after our youngest was potty trained ...

good luck, also with the POA.

Love,

Martha

SusanNYS · 03-23-2005, 03:37 PM

With my mom - I would hand an envelope with notes to the doctor's receptionist. The doctor would read them before he saw us. Eventually it got to the point that I could say anything to the doctor in front of my mother because she would forget it immediately!

LuvMyLilDoggie · 03-23-2005, 06:00 PM

This doctor that we're seeing tomorrow is the one that I requested. She's the one who spent 1 1/2 hours with us on a 15 minute appointment. I like her a lot. She is now his main doctor. She's a geriatrician.

My husband has physical limitations himself. He has two prosthetic hips as well as arthritis in his c-spine and lower back so it would be difficult (if not impossible) physically for him to help my dad with a shower.

The letter idea was great! Thank you so much Sally and Susan! I just finished writing the letter and will hand it to the receptionist when we go there tomorrow.

See, I knew you wonderfully wise women would have the answers!

To tell you the truth, the way I felt earlier today was I would go in there with dad and tell the doctor flat out "he won't shower and he smells like pee and poop combined. I can't take it anymore"! I was THAT frustrated!

Now I can be nice. Unless he tries to jump out of the car like he tried to when I took him to the ER a few months ago. Then I might get ugly. Naaaa.....

Love, Barb