Time to stop now. You've written your letter .. you've vented .. now you need to REALLY let it out of your system.
And I'm going to try and help .............
ready?? Let's go ...
Elsie is .. from what I can gather, threatened by you. She has to make things look 'insignificant' to make herself feel better. She has no regards to your feelings, other than to make YOU feel bad so SHE feels better.
DO NOT GIVE HER THAT POWER. Everytime you LET her make you feel insignifcant, she get's points.
YOU know YOU know THE TRUTH .. YOU are the one who lives with it each and every day. Her small amount of input is NOTHING compared to what you have given .. please, please, please DO NOT think you have NOT given your best. YOU have shown, through your 24/7 care, that YOU care .. again .. I reiterate .. her small amount of input is NOTHING. She see's a small amount of 'best behaviour' followed by 'justifiable' behaviour.
My BIL is doing his damndest to justify his mothers behaviour. Even to the point of 'not quite saying' I am exaggerating, but I know what he means. She's on happy tablets now, calm, restful and peaceful. Long may it reign. But her odd behaviours are justified each and everytime .. especially with the 'how normal Mum can be" routine .. drives me mad.
HE doesn't live here. HE doesn't have to live with it. HE isn't prepared to deal with it on a day to day basis.
HIS opinion IS CRAP. . . . as is Elsies.
Elsie is being a selfish, manipulative BITHC (yes, spelt wrong, you get it) .. she get's pleasure out of knowing she's hurt you. DO NOT give her that power, and DO NOT let her win. Calling her a cow is insulting cows. They nurture their young and their elders. Calling her a cockroach .. well, now .. I didn't actually SAY that did I ? LOL ....... (cockroaches have no blood .. they are bloodless creatures .... let's just leave it at that )
I don't MEAN to gain insults on E ....... but for heavens sake .......she's done NOTHING concrete .. she's not gone the HARD yard ...... YET ........ she judges you and your assistance when she's done what?? yeah .. c'mon .. WHAT exactly? Oh .. had your Mum for a few weeks .. BIG DEAL ... your input with Mum has been more important . E is just a passing phase ... it will wear off ... sooner rather than later.
Martha ... ....... ............. I'm lost for words. Your a confident, self opinionated woman ... why are you giving E this power ???
I SO WISH I lived in your country ..... I really . really . really do ...... we could BE SO GOOD for each other !!!!
If nobody has said it recently .............
Your an important human being. Your valuable and have alot to give. Do not give, up .. we're here for you.
You are trying so hard to help me, and I am my own worst enemy The letter I sent will only be more ammunition for her to use against me, and I am sure she will say, "How could you have misinterpreted what I wrote. Look at it again, I didn't say she thought YOU were the jailer, etc etc." This happened once before ... and I was convinced it really had been my misunderstanding that caused all the trouble ..
With your help I will BECOME the independent thinking woman I ought to be!
Meanwhile, Mom slept incredibly long (still on Elsie time) and I had an easy morning, got all the weekly shopping done in a downpour of rain before she ever got up...
We have food in the house and wil NOT go out to eat, often the way I get her to go out, do something else, get a little exercise. Not in this awful weather.
I hope Mom will agree to go to church tomorrow and I can get her friend to take her ..giving me 3 free hours ..that would be great .... ot happens only when Mom agrees and I call her by 5:30 Saturday night, maybe once every 2 months. Mom usually says no.
Early this morning I booked my one way flight to South Bend . It is on June 16th. Our last school day this term is June 14th, Preschool graduation. I'll work on the 15th also to get everything in order for my successor if the church finds one, and then leave. The flight leaves at 6:30 AM, I change planes in Cleveland, and get to South Bend at 9:15 AM ..
Jenny works all day Thursdays, so I asked my son in law if he would pick me up at the airport and drive me to MY apartment. There I will spend the day unpacking boxes my daughter will have brought over in the weeks before, walk to the local store for food supplies, and just sit (I'm borrowing one lawn chair from them) in my OWN place for the first time in over 5 years. Jenny can pick me up whenever her last client leaves, and take me to their house to sleep for a few days until I buy a bed, and I also have to buy a used car, and much much more ... but I'll be HOME!
Having this ticket number is like having the key to escape MY prison when the right day finally arrives.
Hi, Martha and Sally. Hope it's okay if I jump in. I have been following both your tough sagas with great respect.
I just have a very different take on Martha sending that letter. I think it was WONDERFUL, very appropriate and ABOUT TIME you stopped with the inappropriate restraint, politeness and respect in response to her deliberate extreme b***chiness and goading you where it hurts! You said the three very important things that absolutely needed to be said in response to this last, very cruel message she sent you. (And it shouldn't make a BIT of difference to you how she responds -- I agree with Sally about detaching yourself about that.) BUT it was TIME for you to confront that nasty and belittling behavior openly in your own protection.
You put the three important questions very clearly "in her face" so she cannot avoid seeing the effect of her conduct, even if she pretends to be indignant or whatever -- namely, why would she say such a cruel thing, I'm sorry I forget the second one right now, and third, if she really thinks it's so much better for your mom to be there with her, why isn't she offering to take her? Personally I would have added -- "especially since being retired
and being blessed so comfortable financially, you are in such an ideal position to offer mom the time, attention and care she needs..."
I am sure this belitting and cruel behavior is simply her personality, but I sense she aims it specifically at you in part because she knows you won't respond by confronting her. Sounds like you are a bit intimidated or afraid to confront her and she is aware of that and ready to exploit any weakness (I worked with someone like that for six years...they know how to pick their targets and it's hellish to be one...)
I'm glad you are considering cutting this very belittling and destructive person out of your life. She will never change.
Anyway in my considered opinion "moo moo is a poo poo head"
yeah, just call me "the mature one"
Dear, dear Martha, I hope that now you have expressed your feeling to E, you will evict her from your head. She doesn't pay rent so she shouldn't be there!
Both ladies have very valid points. I think you needed to vent to E. Now, if she retaliates, put it aside. Don't let her do this to you anymore. She is not a happy person so she will try to put you down at any cost to make herself look better. The truth of the matter is she cannot deal with your mother. The headphones "to keep her quiet" are proof of that. She will never admit this to you because in her eyes, if she were to admit it, she would be admitting you're better than her or she is less of a person than you. She is very jealous of you. And just as you had to endure the "Elsie this and Elsie that", you can bet she heard your name quite a bit too. She's jealous.
I almost pity her because she has to be awfully bitter inside to portray that kind of cruelty on the outside.
She has a lot of serious problems and you need not concern yourself. You're better off to just concentrate on your move and try to enjoy the time you have with your mom. And Bill will get his fill of "Martha this and Martha that" when you leave.
I suspect that once you move to Indiana, things will settle down. Unfortunately for Bill, Elsie may turn on him.
Remember she's not renting the space in your head so she can't stay there.
Hope it's okay if I jump in. I have been following both your tough sagas with great respect. 
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