Shower, PLEASE SHOWER!!!! I'm praying!!!! - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

LuvMyLilDoggie · 04-02-2005, 05:55 PM

Ok ladies... I'm ready to crack.... dad smells to high heaven--no he's beyond smelling-he STINKS! The stench follows him from room to room and STAYS THERE!!! YUK!!!!
I bought him new socks today because he's wearing the same ones ALL THE TIME and the rest I have found (I'm sure there's new ones somewhere but hidden VERY well) are full of holes and far beyond cleaning.

I said several times today "Dad, I need you to take a shower so I can wash the clothes you're wearing. Your clean clothes are on top of the laundry basket in the bathroom". "Ok." An hour later "Dad, take a shower." "Ok."
15 minutes later "Dad, I really need those clothes so I can make a full load. Take a shower so I can wash them." "Ok." SHEEESHH!!! Ok WHAT??? Ok, I'll take a shower or Ok f you??? This has gone on most of the day.

This damn social worker STILL hasn't called and I'm ready to go berserk!!!! I've kept my calm so far but I don't know how much longer I'll be able to. A SKUNK smells better than he does at this point!

Ok, it just happened. He got to me. Came in here and said he's got nothing to live for and got all ****ed off and started yelling about how his life isn't his own and he's got nothing but his car. I'm shaking so bad right now I can hardly type. I'm so-OOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I need to put up a damn punching bag in the garage.

He says he wants to kill himself because his life isn't his own anymore. I said "Why? Because I asked you to take a shower?" He stormed off in his room. I know he won't kill himself. This is something he's threatened since I was a little girl. But I can't take it anymore! I'm calling the VA Monday and telling him they HAVE to do something for him! I get chest pains when I'm stressed and I have them now. I can't take it. He just came in here now without a shirt so maybe he's slowly getting there. I told him the doctor noticed he didn't shower the last visit and was calling a social worker. Maybe I shouldn't have said that but I hope it worked.

Nope, didn't work. Now he's getting a cup of coffee. I just put his sheets and blanket in the dryer and I sprayed Fabreeze all over his bed about a half hour ago. Now at least his bedroom doesn't smell as bad.

Time for me to get out of the house for a few hours and calm down.

Love, Barb (who would never wish this hell on anyone)

Martha H · 04-02-2005, 06:06 PM

Oh Barb, I'm so sorry for you. Why doesn't he take showers? Would it help if he were on some kind of pill making him more docile, like a tranquilizer? I can well imagine what you are going through. I wish I had an answer. Yes, keep on complaining to the VA... but what about getting him into a nursing home, where a couple of strong aides just walk him into the shower, if he wants to or not??

As I've said before, the loss of personal hygiene is a terrible component of this disease ..if the person is unaware of it and responds when told (with anger, and then by finally washing, like my Mom) that is bad enough, but if he knows he stinks and doesn't do anything abut it, is he doing it to annoy you, to assert his independence, punish you and hurt you or what?? Don't let this get YOU sick .. we need you and your wise advice! No funny heart pains, please . Wasn't he supposed to go to Alabama? Did he ever get his teeth fixed? Send him to your sister for awhile! Breathe clean air in your home for awhile!

How sad ... how terrible .. what can anyone do?

Maybe he has to get forced into a daily wash. First a bath, then you get your breakfast. Hungry? Have you washed? Not yet? breakfast is AFTER your shower???

LOTS of love and sympathy,

Martha

angel_bear · 04-02-2005, 09:10 PM

Barb ...

When my son was little, he discovered he was allergic to water. He fought me tooth and nail about getting in the bath. One day, he was sitting on the toilet and I turned the shower hose on (it was a flexible one) and hosed him, clothes and all on the toilet.

Ok .. he was a little boy ........... but it got the message across.

Another time, he refused to get out of his chair for a bath. So I picked up up, chair and all, clothes and all and dumped him in the bath.

Ok .. I know your Dad is bigger than my son was then, but can you get a flexi hose? We have plastic ones that fit onto a sink tap .. can you break into the toilet when Dad is sitting and HOSE him down? At least if his clothes are wet, he might take them off and you might get something moving.

Maybe when the weather is warmer you can take him for a swim???

Ummmmmmmmmm......... blackmail .. I agree with Martha.

Try anything .... a favourite treat? Show him the treat .. do you want it Dad? Have a shower NOW .. walk him in there .. ??

Oh Barb .. my sympathies go out to you. FIL refuses showers (and he's NOT demented) because they exhaust him .. and I just get rude now and say "sniff, sniff, well that deodorant isn't working" .... he laughs, and the silly thing is, he feels so much better when he's cleaner!!

MEN !!!!!!! Doesn't matter what age they are .. they're allergic to water !! LOL

Hugs
Sally

LuvMyLilDoggie · 04-02-2005, 09:37 PM

Thanks Martha. I don't think he's doing this to be mean. I honestly think he has lost some or all of his sense of smell.

I feel much better now that I went out for a while. Btw, dad did take a shower right after I posted. And he put on the clothes I laid out for him. I guess what I said about the social worker made him think he'd better shower.
Now his bed is Fabreezed and his linens and blanket have been washed and the carpet in his room vacuumed.

My sister has backed out of coming up to get him. There's no telling when or if he'll be going back there. He only seems to get an interest in going there when he gets mad about something like tonight.

The teeth, ahhh the teeth...amazingly no pain for quite a while.

Oh this should be a hoot. He just grabbed a big gumball and put it in his mouth. He has a partial!

Oh, another thing I forgot to tell you ladies. Two nights ago, dad let the dogs out in the backyard. He's looking out the window in the door. He tells me the dogs are barking at a squirrel outside in the neighbor's yard behind us. Dad kept opening the door and closing it in curiosity, I guess. The dogs were barking like crazy and it was kind of late. So I got up and went outside and began calling the dogs back when I noticed something in the neighbor's yard behind us. It was too big to be a squirrel so I walked a little farther into the yard. Through the light on the neighbor's house, I saw the thing raise it's tail. DEFINITELY too big for a squirrel. That's when I noticed-you got it- a SKUNK!

And these stupid dogs are STILL barking like crazy! So I yelled at them to come and started high tailing my butt back to the house so I wouldn't get sprayed. The dogs followed me and we all got inside safe and skunk free. But if it were daylight, all the neighbors would have had a good laugh! lol

Oops. Hubby just came to tell me that dad didn't put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket like dad said he did and he thinks dad faked his shower. Ah crap...I guess we'll have to go through this again tomorrow......

I don't know about a tranquilizer. I'll have to ask his doctor.

Thank you soooooooo much Martha!!!!! You're a GEM!

Love, Barb

LuvMyLilDoggie · 04-03-2005, 12:12 PM

Well, turns out dad DID take a shower and I feel bad now. Dad saw me put his linens in the dryer and I told him he could take his shower then. It was just after that that the confrontation began. dad told me after I came home from my couple of hours out that he didn't shower then because he thought I wasn't done with the laundry even though I told him to go shower. Why didn't he tell me that before going off on me? I wouldn't have started the washer if he was in the shower.

You know, a few years ago, my husband and I were talking about another baby. I'm so happy we didn't pursue it. I know I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I can only imagine what it would have been like to have a baby at 40 and then have to take care of my dad too. Plus work.

Wish me luck. I have a job interview Tuesday morning. I'm going to try and tackle two part time jobs. I need the money. And this job pays almost double what my current job pays. The only thing is they have no health insurance. I have insurance with my current job.That's why I need to keep that one too.

It's a beautiful day outside and dad is sleeping so I'm going to enjoy.

Love, Barb