Martha H

Dear Sally, asking him "if he would like to conisder this" is a question that gets a 'no'. There is a way to ask a question so only a yes is produced. I use it at school with little children and my daughter uses it with her kids. It goes something like this - to her 3 year old, Ben,for example - "it is almost bed time. Would you like to brush your teeth first or have a story first?" Whichever he chooses, they are on the path to bed. She does not ask "would you like to go to bed now or not?" ... that elicits an automatic no.

At school, "it is time to clean up. Would you like to pick up the blocks or put away the art supplies?" Either way, they are helping. "Would you like to help clean up?" or just "clean up!" produce a NO.

It is so easy with kids and so hard with AD people, whose responses are inappropriate anyhow. It does NOT work with Mom. But your FIL is (supposedly) thinking rationally. How about, "during the time we are away, you can live in a Facility for the 2 weeks or move in with BIL and Girl Friend. What would you prefer?" or "We are going away from June X to X, you have to choose between going to a Facility for a short vacation, or going back into the hospital." (of course both options have to be there... he can't choose BIL's house and they say NO WAY!

It isn't always possible to present every option in 'choice' form ..but it's worth a try if you can come up with two possible alternatives. "Sally staying home" is NOT one of them!

Although it doesn't work with AD patients, maybe you, Barb, could combine showering with some kind of treat. "Dad, time for a shower. When you come out I'll make you some cocoa." I was interested to see a recent posting where someone (forgot name) said Medicare pays for someone to come and bathe her Mom. When we tried to get a HHA to accompany Mom to her Center, we were told Medicare does NOT pay for HHAs. Only Medicaid does. Is it because Mom is still capable of walking around outside? Alone she cannot do so .. but we are paying for the Aide ourselves at $19 an hour, most of which goes to the agency.

Good luck!

Love

Martha