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Old 06-06-2005, 10:17 PM   #1
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Hi! New here and with some questions!

Hi!

I'm Kat and I have some questions about Alzheimers.

My mominlaw isn't a bad person, but she has seemed to of gotten worse the past couple of years. Once she left the house and forgot the faucet on, and flooded the bathroom floor. I also went to sit down to watch tv and there was a steak knive left in the chair sharp end pointed up.

My mominlaw suffers mood swings, she'll verbally attack my husband and I for no reason! There is no basis for the accusations, and its rather hurtful. She (I hate to say this) favors one son over her others, the one "good" son though is becoming an alcholic.

Her memory has gotten worse, she leaves things in public and won't remember until she gets home. She told me to visit my aunt but she had passed away late in 2004. She also cooked the same food every week for 3 months straight, that was alittle odd.

She's had head trauma on more than one occasion, some of it significant.

Does this sound like the early stages of alzheimers? She's into her early 60's.

I don't really know what's wrong, but Alzheimers runs in the family. Everyone is turning a blind eye to it, even my mominlaw. I end up checking on alot of things secretly now, she gets offended if I even mention the food she cooks is 3 weeks old.

She can't have a cellphone due to she created a very large bill due to those "use your cellphone and win 5000$" games.

I was just wondering does this sound like some Alzheimers cases, or is it just the typical over 60 memory loss?

Thanks for any help, I'm pretty confused

Kat

 
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Old 06-07-2005, 01:21 AM   #2
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Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

TYPICAL? Oh GOSH NO! (I am 66 and rational, I think!) NO NO, nothing normal at all about this... you can sit down safely anywhere in my house ...

Yes, it sounds exactly like early onset Alzheimers. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!! God bless you ..you will need it.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 06-07-2005, 01:36 AM   #3
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Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

Hi Kat !!

Oh sweetie, your in the position I've been in ... ignorant family members especially.

The violent mood swings are DANGEROUS .. and should not be allowed .. especially when violence comes into the picture. She is NOT CAPABLE of being safe ..

My MIL favours the middle son over the youngest (my husband) and the eldest (living & teaching in China), he's the 'golden haired boy' who can do no wrong.

You will probably find ALL emotions are exaggerated .. all behaviours are exaggerated .. and it's hard .. and I promise you .. unfortunatley, it's going to get harder.

I advise you to get to a Lawyer AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, I advise you get her tested AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, and as much as you might want to be brave and help, GET HELP IN as much as possible. DO NOT undertake this MAMMOTH job on your own ..

Take it from one who did ... DON'T !! Please !!!

Don't get me wrong, I love my In-Laws .. and especially my MIL, I love the person she WAS, I HATE the person she is .....

Hang in there .... we're here for you ...

Hugs
Sally

 
Old 06-07-2005, 06:36 AM   #4
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Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

Kat, you do need to get her tested right away. One thing I would like to mention is that in getting my dh tested the very first question they asked was about a head trauma--that too can lead to dementia, or strange behavior, so you do do need to get her tested. I know it is difficult.

As everyone said, we are here for you.

 
Old 06-07-2005, 04:10 PM   #5
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Cool Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

Hi,

There are some very good drugs for the mood swings, one of them being Seroquel. Get to a doctor and then the attorney. Remember that she will likely be very uncooperative and beligerant. You have to get things done for her. She sounds classic Alzheimers. Some research is showing that many Alz. patients have suffered head trauma. Interesting, but maybe if the percentage is really not much different than most of us.

Also, don't expect her to accept the diagnosis. If she is demonstrating behavior problems, she is unlikely to believe that she really has the problem. Start playing a little recording in you head of happy thoughts when she gets mean, but don't argue. It really does no good and we need to keep them as calm as possible. You don't win an argument with an Alzheimer's patient.
Connie

 
Old 06-07-2005, 10:37 PM   #6
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Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GranConnie
Hi,

There are some very good drugs for the mood swings, one of them being Seroquel. Get to a doctor and then the attorney. Remember that she will likely be very uncooperative and beligerant. You have to get things done for her. She sounds classic Alzheimers. Some research is showing that many Alz. patients have suffered head trauma. Interesting, but maybe if the percentage is really not much different than most of us.

Also, don't expect her to accept the diagnosis. If she is demonstrating behavior problems, she is unlikely to believe that she really has the problem. Start playing a little recording in you head of happy thoughts when she gets mean, but don't argue. It really does no good and we need to keep them as calm as possible. You don't win an argument with an Alzheimer's patient.
Connie

Hello!

Thanks for the response!

I've mention to my mominlaw about her getting tested for Alz., but she doesn't want to see any doctor. She tells me (we speak a different language) that her "head is empty" alot. I think she sort of acknowledges the Alz. but not all the way.

Thank you for the advice about not arguing! I've unfortunetly argued with her alot in the past years without putting 2 and 2 together. She's declined very fast in the past couple of years so now I'm really starting to see the symptoms more clearly. I've never thought until about this week that her arguing is related to her Alz., it explains alot!

I've also noticed she remembers goof ups I make and will go on for weeks about them! I'm pretty young and a new cook so I accidently made food with too much salt. She said for 2 weeks straight not to use too much salt, even though I've not repeated that mistake since. Is it malicious or just part of the Alzheimers?

I wish she'd see a doctor, but she's stubborn as a mule. (where my hubby gets it from ) It'll be shoved under the rug until it really hits home. I've tried to talk to her and everyone else but it all falls on deaf ears.

Thanks again for the advice!

Kat

 
Old 06-07-2005, 10:44 PM   #7
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Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha H
TYPICAL? Oh GOSH NO! (I am 66 and rational, I think!) NO NO, nothing normal at all about this... you can sit down safely anywhere in my house ...

Yes, it sounds exactly like early onset Alzheimers. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!! God bless you ..you will need it.

Love,

Martha
Hi! Thanks for answering!

The knife in the chair was scary! I'm always checking now whenever I sit down. I've not seen anymore incidents with a knife, but I have seen it with a fork once or twice.

Thanks for the advice and encouragment! It's going to be a hard road but I know God will be there helping the family along!

Kat

 
Old 06-07-2005, 10:56 PM   #8
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Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mustang_sally
Hi Kat !!

Oh sweetie, your in the position I've been in ... ignorant family members especially.

The violent mood swings are DANGEROUS .. and should not be allowed .. especially when violence comes into the picture. She is NOT CAPABLE of being safe ..

My MIL favours the middle son over the youngest (my husband) and the eldest (living & teaching in China), he's the 'golden haired boy' who can do no wrong.

You will probably find ALL emotions are exaggerated .. all behaviours are exaggerated .. and it's hard .. and I promise you .. unfortunatley, it's going to get harder.

I advise you to get to a Lawyer AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, I advise you get her tested AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, and as much as you might want to be brave and help, GET HELP IN as much as possible. DO NOT undertake this MAMMOTH job on your own ..

Take it from one who did ... DON'T !! Please !!!

Don't get me wrong, I love my In-Laws .. and especially my MIL, I love the person she WAS, I HATE the person she is .....

Hang in there .... we're here for you ...

Hugs
Sally

Hi! Thanks for responding!

The golden boy syndrome you talk about exactly fits the situation with our family! My husband is the middle child and is really taken for granted! My mominlaw favors the youngest and the oldest one. The youngest screams and threatens my mominlaw but she still favors him over my husband. I honestly don't get why! It bothers me because it hurts my husband so much, but he won't talk about it.

Thanks for the advice! I'm stuck between a rock and hard place due to how the family members view the situation. If I mention about going to a doctor or lawyer the family just ignores me. I guess it's one of those " don't think about it it'll disappear" ideas.

I understand about hating who she is know compared to who you knew in the first place! My mominlaw was really nice and understanding, patient when I first met her. Over the course of going on 3 years it's been downhill since. Everyday there is an argument about something, usually things that don't make sense. I still love my mominlaw, it's just so hard to see how she's turned out with the Alzheimers.

My husband has started to help with some things. He remembers to remind his mom of bank stuff, writes notes, cleans out the fridge of old food. I know he doesn't want to acknowledge the situation but I think even he's starting to notice it more nowadays.

Thanks so much for the advice! It's great to have a place to come and ask questions!

Kat

 
Old 06-07-2005, 11:02 PM   #9
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Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SiestaDrew
Kat, you do need to get her tested right away. One thing I would like to mention is that in getting my dh tested the very first question they asked was about a head trauma--that too can lead to dementia, or strange behavior, so you do do need to get her tested. I know it is difficult.

As everyone said, we are here for you.
I've asked her to get tested but nope! I don't like doctors so I know it would be scary, especially if they diagnosed it right away. I just feel like I'm whacking my head on the proverbial wall trying to get everyone to hear me. (Language barrier is also really bad too, it makes everything so much harder.)

Thanks for the advice! My mominlaw has had alot of head trauma. She got injured as a child, popped a vein in her brain during childbirth, and had a terrible fall a couple years back. They never found any brain damage but I wonder if it just appeared the past couple of years?

Thanks for everything!

Kat

 
Old 06-08-2005, 12:22 AM   #10
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Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

Unfortunately Kat, you no longer have options of asking and being polite. Things have to be done, and done properly, quicky and efficiently.

This will also include subterfuge and cunning. Something we here on the board, have had to become quite adept too.

I am the daughter in law. Just like you. I was approached by a family friend about my MIL's speech MANY years ago. When I asked "why me?" she said "Because I talked to Golden Boy and he said I was full of crap, I'm going to someone who has some sense"

Bit of a compliment really, but little did I know the ENTIRE JOB would be put at my feet.

Yes, the ENTIRE job. I was working full time, feeding 7 people, looking after my kids, laundry, housework (well, I'm not good at that at the best of times, so it's definately the first thing to go LOL) .. my kids help out alot, but they can't do everything. My husband is a student and has a HUGE study workload, so who was left ?? Little ol' me.

One brother moved to China with his wife at a most crucial time. They weren't prepared to put their life on hold for his parents. The other brother sits and complains without doing anything concrete and critisizes us, passes judgements on us by blaming us, helped only when I was a hysterical mess.

Who took her to the Psychogeriatrician? Me
Who organised the 2nd opinion? Me
Who takes her to the General Doctor? Me
Who creeps about and get's her medications organised? Me / hubby (But BIL got the special med's pack organised)
Who drives her around? Me / Hubby
Who cleans out her fridge? Me

Now, don't get me wrong, the BIL in town does help a bit now. He spends 2 hours on a Monday with his mother. Pops in here and there throughout the week for 15'ish minutes once, maybe twice a week. His girlfriend helps out only when asked. There is no voluntary part in it. My husband takes over when he's not at school, but then his schoolwork suffers. It's a super catch 22.

My MIL has Primary Progressive Aphasia .. her speech .. well, simply put, isn't. It's babble. You occassionally get a proper phrase, but those are limited to "Where are you going" and "I hate that" ... everything is 'lovely lovely' or 'terrible terrible' and well, she's a telemarketers nightmare (although my favourite sport now is listening in haha) She doesn't understand what she hears 98% of the time, and pretty much nobody can understand what's coming out .. except personal interpretations, which are DANGEROUS.

Oh kat ..... GET HELP IN .. don't .. DON'T take NO for an answer! Don't be the passive quiet acceptable one .. stand up and be heard .. Trust me .. I am THERE, and I am LIVING it, and it's HORRIBLE .......... really really HORRIBLE ..........

I'm sounding panicky, but I am at the end of my tether. Sick of being accused of making the situation worse by my existance, sick of being made to feel like it's MY fault ... sick of the abuse by my MIL (she hits and is quite nasty when provoked) and sick of being used and abused by the family ...

When FIL first approached us about moving in last year, it seemed the right thing to do. Help him stay at home, yet give MIL a bit of a helping hand. 6 months after we had moved in, we realised we had made a terrible, terrible mistake .... and we've been trying to extract ourselves ever since ...

Call the Lawyer. Get the wheels moving ... MAKE it happen. Your going to be the bad guy anyway, because your like us .. YOU get things done because they NEED to be done........

*pant* *puff* *pant*
I got blisters on my fingers I'm typing so passionately !

Hugs Kat .. hang in there.
Sally


And that's only with MIL !! Then there's all the duties with FIL !! Thank heavens he's in hospital awaiting a nursing home bed .. 78% of his issues have left this building!!

 
Old 06-10-2005, 02:42 PM   #11
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godsgrace2 HB User
Re: Hi! New here and with some questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mustang_sally
Unfortunately Kat, you no longer have options of asking and being polite. Things have to be done, and done properly, quicky and efficiently.

This will also include subterfuge and cunning. Something we here on the board, have had to become quite adept too.

I am the daughter in law. Just like you. I was approached by a family friend about my MIL's speech MANY years ago. When I asked "why me?" she said "Because I talked to Golden Boy and he said I was full of crap, I'm going to someone who has some sense"

Bit of a compliment really, but little did I know the ENTIRE JOB would be put at my feet.

Yes, the ENTIRE job. I was working full time, feeding 7 people, looking after my kids, laundry, housework (well, I'm not good at that at the best of times, so it's definately the first thing to go LOL) .. my kids help out alot, but they can't do everything. My husband is a student and has a HUGE study workload, so who was left ?? Little ol' me.

One brother moved to China with his wife at a most crucial time. They weren't prepared to put their life on hold for his parents. The other brother sits and complains without doing anything concrete and critisizes us, passes judgements on us by blaming us, helped only when I was a hysterical mess.

Who took her to the Psychogeriatrician? Me
Who organised the 2nd opinion? Me
Who takes her to the General Doctor? Me
Who creeps about and get's her medications organised? Me / hubby (But BIL got the special med's pack organised)
Who drives her around? Me / Hubby
Who cleans out her fridge? Me

Now, don't get me wrong, the BIL in town does help a bit now. He spends 2 hours on a Monday with his mother. Pops in here and there throughout the week for 15'ish minutes once, maybe twice a week. His girlfriend helps out only when asked. There is no voluntary part in it. My husband takes over when he's not at school, but then his schoolwork suffers. It's a super catch 22.

My MIL has Primary Progressive Aphasia .. her speech .. well, simply put, isn't. It's babble. You occassionally get a proper phrase, but those are limited to "Where are you going" and "I hate that" ... everything is 'lovely lovely' or 'terrible terrible' and well, she's a telemarketers nightmare (although my favourite sport now is listening in haha) She doesn't understand what she hears 98% of the time, and pretty much nobody can understand what's coming out .. except personal interpretations, which are DANGEROUS.

Oh kat ..... GET HELP IN .. don't .. DON'T take NO for an answer! Don't be the passive quiet acceptable one .. stand up and be heard .. Trust me .. I am THERE, and I am LIVING it, and it's HORRIBLE .......... really really HORRIBLE ..........

I'm sounding panicky, but I am at the end of my tether. Sick of being accused of making the situation worse by my existance, sick of being made to feel like it's MY fault ... sick of the abuse by my MIL (she hits and is quite nasty when provoked) and sick of being used and abused by the family ...

When FIL first approached us about moving in last year, it seemed the right thing to do. Help him stay at home, yet give MIL a bit of a helping hand. 6 months after we had moved in, we realised we had made a terrible, terrible mistake .... and we've been trying to extract ourselves ever since ...

Call the Lawyer. Get the wheels moving ... MAKE it happen. Your going to be the bad guy anyway, because your like us .. YOU get things done because they NEED to be done........

*pant* *puff* *pant*
I got blisters on my fingers I'm typing so passionately !

Hugs Kat .. hang in there.
Sally


And that's only with MIL !! Then there's all the duties with FIL !! Thank heavens he's in hospital awaiting a nursing home bed .. 78% of his issues have left this building!!
Thanks again for all the help and support!

Our family situation is very similar! My husband's brothers really don't want to be around much unless they need something. They don't see alot of the signs and actions of my mominlaw. She can put on a "normal" face for them but then her memory loss is even worse when they leave.

Thanks again for all the advice!

Kat

 
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