My mominlaw hoards all kinds of stuff! She has boxes upon boxes of old clothes and broken old kitchen stuff. Not to mention some rusty axes actually shoved into the clothes closet. My husband told her get rid of some of the stuff and she screamed "WHEN I'M DEAD!!!".
We have a massive junkroom and it's getting fuller by the months! Is hoarding part of Alzheimers?
Another question, do Alzheimers patients have days where they seem completely normal? Some days my mominlaw seems really on the ball, but then the next day her memory is very bad. Is this common too?
Sorry about more questions. Thanks again for all the advice and all!
Good days: YES, absolutely. AND, they usually have those good days when someone is around whom they want to impress. Or, a stranger or seldom seen relative brings out the best in them ..for awhile.
I'm not sure abut hoarding. I think that is more a generational thing, and also depends on the person's youth and background. my FIL was an awful hoarder, he brought home stuff other people had put out in the garbage. Old iron wood burning stoves for example; "you never know when the electricity will fail and we will be glad we have an alternative." He lived in europe through World Wars 1 and 2 ..
My Mom would have been a hoarder but there was no space in her small apartment. She did save odd things as I am finding out, today after her departure I am sorting out and thowing away yet more 'stuff.' Out went 6 garbage bags full, and not done yet in all this heat (I cope with stress by hard physical labor.)
Hi -
First, does someone have your MIL's Durable Power of Attorney? That is important before she slips too much because the lawyer who draws up this legal document must know she understands what she is signing. The POA will allow that medical and business decisions be made in MIL's behalf after she can no longer do for herself. Without this legal document, it's a battle. An elder care lawyer can really give you good information.
My mother became a hoarder by default - she was too confused about how to handle things, so she made stacks and stacks of the incoming mail, cut food packages apart to keep the label so she'd remember to buy it again, kept earrings and other things in plain sight so she wouldn't forget them and a million other oddities that helped her function.
Does your MIL look into the boxes in the closets and the junkroom? If not, don't ask, just take things out to a garage. If she doesn't notice, if it's really junk (not of value), and if there are no siblings to deal with, out they go. If there are siblings, you cannot discard stuff without their approval unless your DH has the POA. Even then, to keep peace, let the siblings see what is being discarded so nothing is done in secret.
I'd make sure the rusty axes and anything else dangerous were not within reach.
Good days: YES, absolutely. AND, they usually have those good days when someone is around whom they want to impress. Or, a stranger or seldom seen relative brings out the best in them ..for awhile.
I'm not sure abut hoarding. I think that is more a generational thing, and also depends on the person's youth and background. my FIL was an awful hoarder, he brought home stuff other people had put out in the garbage. Old iron wood burning stoves for example; "you never know when the electricity will fail and we will be glad we have an alternative." He lived in europe through World Wars 1 and 2 ..
My Mom would have been a hoarder but there was no space in her small apartment. She did save odd things as I am finding out, today after her departure I am sorting out and thowing away yet more 'stuff.' Out went 6 garbage bags full, and not done yet in all this heat (I cope with stress by hard physical labor.)
Love,
Martha
Hi!
I've noticed when the "good son" comes around my mominlaw is in top shape, at least for awhile. Once he leaves she just returns to forgetting everything. She "watches" the grandkids, but I end up having to do it because honestly she can't be trusted with children unsupervised. I could rant about that though for a whole 2 page post lol
You're right about the generational thing! My in-laws grew up during WW2 and they, including my dadinlaw now that I think about it, hoard anything and everything! My dadinlaw has broken furniture all around the house, stuff that hasn't worked for 20 years. I guess it is the timeframe they were raised in.
Good luck with the sorting! If I sorted through MIL stuff I'd need a tetnus shot probably So much rust and scary stuff floating around our basement!
Hi -
First, does someone have your MIL's Durable Power of Attorney? That is important before she slips too much because the lawyer who draws up this legal document must know she understands what she is signing. The POA will allow that medical and business decisions be made in MIL's behalf after she can no longer do for herself. Without this legal document, it's a battle. An elder care lawyer can really give you good information.
My mother became a hoarder by default - she was too confused about how to handle things, so she made stacks and stacks of the incoming mail, cut food packages apart to keep the label so she'd remember to buy it again, kept earrings and other things in plain sight so she wouldn't forget them and a million other oddities that helped her function.
Does your MIL look into the boxes in the closets and the junkroom? If not, don't ask, just take things out to a garage. If she doesn't notice, if it's really junk (not of value), and if there are no siblings to deal with, out they go. If there are siblings, you cannot discard stuff without their approval unless your DH has the POA. Even then, to keep peace, let the siblings see what is being discarded so nothing is done in secret.
I'd make sure the rusty axes and anything else dangerous were not within reach.
Good luck! Barbara
Hi!
Her Power of Attorney is being take care of by my hubby, so at least that's getting done!
My mominlaw does hoard stuff in the kitchen, like metallic coffee wrappers. No idea why she does that, but I've thrown away big handfuls and she's gotten mad at me. She looses alot of gloves and etc. in simple places also.
My mominlaw goes downstairs once a year and does "rampage cleaning". She'll check all the boxes and scoot stuff around, but not really throw anything away. It's full of memories for her so I wouldn't throw those away. Some things should be taken away, but I'll leave that to hubby since he knows what stays and what goes. He told they threw away a tractor trailer full of things 7 years ago.
You're right about the axes, I'll get rid of those!
Nodding head madly here ... **yup, yup, yup** hoarding .. **yup, yup, yup** ... MIL can't BEAR to throw anything out ... it all goes in this huge pile in the laundry .... dead laundry baskets, old clothes, new toasters (yeah .. new), old frypans you name it, the pile get's slowly higher.
Clothes!! Well, she went through a huge stage of buying new blouses. Lots and lots ... all the time, every shopping expedition, she would come home with a blouse or two. There would be close to 80 - 100 tops in her wardrobe. Like ANYBODY could ever wear them ALL ... she started on trousers and pants, but that one didn't last long. Then she started collecting bright shiny earrings .. $2 to $200 .. didn't matter .. as long as it was shiny and sparkly ... now she's broken most of them unfortunately, so they lay on a heap on her dressing table.
One day the toaster blew up. FIL said "let's get it fixed" I said "let's throw it out and say what the hell" .. he agreed, and I tossed it in the bin. Next thing I find it's in the pantry. It NEVER went in the pantry when it was WORKING ... why now? Who knows.
The cleaner took it home.
Then she started collecting her empty wine bottles (she drinks ALOT) ..
The cleaner took them home too.
Now she's hoarding food scraps, beautifully wrapped up in the cellophane that covers the daily newspaper. Oh that's another collection the cellophane from the newspapers!! God forbig you try and toss one out!! Scraps are found EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE. Throw them out? They come BACK !! (haunted scraps??)
who takes them? Yup, you guessed it .. THE CLEANER (she only comes once a fortnight *sob*)
And of course, there is the 'best behaviour'. I found early stages MIL could keep it up for days at a time, but eventually would 'relapse', now she can do it for a few hours, although she does odd things that makes the person she's with do double takes. But she's polite, and smiles MOST TIMES. That too is diminishing as her world implodes.
Clothes!! Well, she went through a huge stage of buying new blouses. Lots and lots ... all the time, every shopping expedition, she would come home with a blouse or two. There would be close to 80 - 100 tops in her wardrobe. Like ANYBODY could ever wear them ALL ... she started on trousers and pants, but that one didn't last long. Hugs
Sally
You say this like it's a bad thing.
I don't know if it's actually hording though as, if I had to get rid of some of
my stuff tomorrow it wouldn't be any problem at all. But, including all
seasons, I'll bet I rival this quantity. But I also have nothing else.
I don't collect anything. No mass quantities of CD's or DVD's. Just
clothes.
My Mom is like many of those mentioned here. She's in her very late
70's and can't part with anything. One day I asked her why, as it would
be much, much easier for her if she had what she really needs at her
fingertips instead of tons of stuff she never uses or needs. She said
"because I was poor when I was a kid". I said "when did that end? The
real poverty." She said "probably when I was 19 and got my first
full time job". I said "so, wouldn't it be nice if you could remember those
60 years of having all you need, instead of concentrating on the
19 when you didn't?" We are far from rich, but she really has never
really wanted for anything in her entire adult life.
She didn't answer.
I don't care about her keeping all the stuff. We even pay rent on a storage
place each month because she wouldn't part with anything and her apt.
was getting to where you couldn't walk throught it. It's not the stuff
but the fact that it makes everything so much harder for her. For that
reason I wish she could let go of some of the actual junk.
I had to 'thin out' Mom's belongings before her move. I threw out/donated bags and bags of clothes. But Mom never shopped for clothes for herself. They were almost all gifts from - you guessed it - sister E who invited Mom for a couple of weeks a year, and while Mom was out there, bought her 5 outfits. Every year since I've lived here, 5 years, I said DON'T buy any clothes, Mom's closets are overflowing. But she inevitably came home with more.
Mom actually has a few favorites that she wears over and over again, so a lot of what I found in the closet was unworn or hardly worn. I wound up keeping those good ones and geting rid of stained, ripped or otherwise not too good items.
Mom is now in Farmngdale with 3 suitcases while the rest wait here to be moved. I am sure she misses nothing.
It got so cold suddenly afer dying of heat for 4 days, that I need to borrow a sweater from her for my trip tomorrow! All mine are already sent to Indiana.
I was also poor until about age 13 when things improved. I am not a baby boomer but a depression/WWII child ... but I prefer a small collection of nice clothing to closets full ... when I get new things, I throw out some of the old (or donate them) .. I am not sure ther's a connection to AD or not ..anyway, if it makes you happy and you can afford it, shop away! It's good for the economy, I have heard!
As you all know, dad's hoarding is concentrated mostly on the mail now When he was able to do things in his garage, he put EVERYTHING in there! He even had a 20 or so gallon garbage can FULL of bird seed. Why, I don't know because he stopped feeding the birds years ago. Yet the bird seed sat in there for about 10 years. We have field mice here and they got into the bird seed. That's when my sister and I found it and threw it out. We had seen the can there before with the lid on it. We just figured it was never used.
Dad rarely goes out to the garage anymore although he's been out there a lot today. Says he's going to trim the hedges. He came back in saying the end was gone on the extension cord. There's one out there that I accidentally cut the last time I trimmed the hedges. Hubby likes that one the best so he's going to fix it. I guess dad found that one and not the two others we have. Now he says he's got to find the end and put it back on. Don't want him to do THAT! I must go out there before dinner is done and hide the cut cord....
My guessing it's more of a generational thing. Mominlaw has a huge collection of coats, about 50. She gets mad is you even touch them, although some are quite interesting to look at.
We noticed the hoarding preceded the diagnosis of AD. We were told the stress of trying to sort the hoard, or find things in it, or protect it, etc. were contributions of stress which seems to come with the onset of AD.
Once it was clear that memory was off and on, we took gentle liberties of remove parts of each pile which were dead, dying, broken, useless, and of no family value. In the process we sorted things in categories. Our hoarder was thrilled with the sorting, and couldn't clearly remember everything that should have been there. So she was not unhappy with the downsizing and sort. Meanwhile, we were able to bring the space up to good health standards. The operation will have to be repeated, but at least the accumulation is limited in size, and the health problems are gone.
Try to keep the volume of goods down to a limited mass with once a year gentle pruning. Prune only with their permission, and not with them nearby. The accumulation will grow every year otherwise, and from what I've read, there's no stopping how big the problem can get.
We found that she liked it when we built in clothespoles and shelves, in the space we gain from tossing things out. She was thrilled. Of course she soon filled that space from other piles, but that made occupied rooms better, and kept her from acquisitions for a dozens and dozens of hours, maybe days.
We learned that an attitude of helping her with her "things", rather than an approach of "let's throw these out", worked a whole lot better. But we were lucky. She had a very responsible attitude about wanting to sort her "things".
Hi,
Yep, my mom hoarded, too. Like Barbara's mom, most of it was because she didn't know what else to do with it. Stacks and stacks of junk mail, etc.
But she also started saving things that she'd never saved before to save money. Boxes of plastic butter bowls, cottage cheese containers, anything plastic. She'd wash paper plates and plastic utensils, just couldn't throw them away. She was never that thrifty before AD.
My business is sewing and she would sneak into my fabric room at night and stuff all the scraps into plastic bags. It just devastated her that I could throw the smallest piece of scrap fabric away when she knew there was a quilter somewhere that might need it.
My grandma does the hoarding thing as well and we are in the process of moving her this week - ugh! We had a garage sale a few weeks ago, and she would come out and look around and find things that weren't even hers, and want to save them because she thought they were hers. It seems like a control issue. Maybe once the ability to place particular value on an item (or even assessing what it's used for) no longer exists, they feel the need hang onto everything, 'incase it has value' (or may be of use). Regardless of the reason, it definitely makes for a cluttered house!
My mom grew up poor, so hoarding was always something she did out of habit. However, during the process of her AD, she really began to hoard & one of the items she had a ton of was towels. Guaranteed, if you took a shower at her house, you would never be looking for a towel! Everytime she went out (she loved thrift stores!!), she would buy towels. She also bought alot of dolls because her dolls were always taken away from her when she was a child. I have noticed that I also am starting to hoard things, so I am now cleaning out alot of stuff that I have kept over the years. Break myself of the habit before it gets out of control.
In my Mom's case it was not being able to figure out what one kept and what one threw away. She had so many clothes! Things that hadn't fit her for years (she grew thinner in old age,) and things that were stained, ripped or otherwise not worth keeping.
I had to sort it all out before we both moved ... and I think I threw out 10 large garbage sacks full. I did it all behind her back. She would never allow anything to be removed. It was a generational thing too - but AD only made it worse. Mom grew up during WW I and was married just as the Depression ended. The idea 'who knows what it could be used for' was predominant and not entirely wrong, after all that people lost back then.
As the second daughter in the family I didn't know what it was to have new clothes. Why buy new stuff when we have the outgrown clothes of the girl a year older?
I am the opposite. If in doubt, throw it out (or better, give to charity) .. I don't have room for a lot of stuff, I have no garage, just enough closets for my ample amount of clothes but not for a lot of extra stuff. I still throw out one thing before I allow myself to buy another.
It was the hoarding of USELESS junk that opened our eyes to the dementia setting in - old food, old papers, ads, flyers, stuff that comes in the mail that you will never use or need - all that was saved too. That's more than hoarding, it's irrational...
My mom too has been saving all kinds of plastic bottles, like mustard jars, fruit jars, spaghetti bottles. Every week when I go, there is a load of them on the floor that she gives to me and my brother (I just throw them away). She also doesn't want to clean out her closet which has tons of clothes that will never fit her again. I am tempted to just do it behind her back, but as she would say, it's not bothering anybody, just leave it alone. So I leave it alone. I figure it's her house and my dad is still there so i should just let it go. But the other part of me wants to start unloading stuff in that overstuffed house before a tragedy happens - doing it gradually as they are still living there. That is what I want to do. Sometimes I sneak junk out of the house without them knowing (do you think that is wrong?); also, my dad is a pack rack and the yard is overloaded with junk many years old, he still drives at 90 and goes "hunting" and collects anything that looks usable. Also, their basement is full of stuff all over the floor. do you think it's wrong to try and unload junk behind their backs? Dad is okay - mom has early alz and is still functional and does everything herself. maryann
it cannot be wrong to do them such a huge favor! I would say go for it - sneak out as much as you can each time you visit. They will never miss anything, especially junk. Take a couple of large yard sized garbage bags with you and fill them up, from the house, from the yard, and dispose of it all. It is doing a good deed. Clutter leads to falls which cause broken bones! Clutter leads to fires!
Maryann, you would laugh if you saw DH and me leaving SIL's with things stuffed down our jumpers - smuggling them out so she won't notice!! The hardest thing was an old iron - we had bought her a new one that automatically turns itself off if left alone or face down. But SIL found the old one. I don't think she does ironing anymore, but every now and then she thinks she might.
In our case there are different classes of things - paperwork that bothers her because she doesn't know if it is important or not. She lets me help with that, and anything that needs to be biffed I just say "you don't need this - OK if I throw it out?" That works fine as long as I tear it up before putting it in the bin - otherwise she gets it out again.
Clothes and baubles that are so old she can never use them are another matter - I have asked her if she needed help sorting through and getting rid of them, but she says she likes to look through them. I think in some cases they remind her of happier times.
We unreservedly take out anything dangerous - weedkillers and other dangerous chemicals, broken pots, lamps with dangerous-looking wires (she breaks a lot of stuff) etc. Although I have been making one mistake that I only just found out about - I have for years been finding matches and lighters that keep appearing. Terrified she may have decided to start smoking again, I always spirit these away. Now I realise that she needs them to light a candle for the weekly visit by her priest. I am probably responsible for some her dementia!!! Everytime she remembers too buy them they mysteriously disappear!! It must have driven her crazy.
We work together - one of us stages a diversion while the other races out the door and hides our 'booty' in the car.
The only other things we smuggle out, and back in, are dirty clothes - she gets very upset if people point out that her clothes are dirty.
Some very funny stories here - you all make me feel free from guilt when I try and smuggle stuff out of the house. I always wonder if mom or dad will say, "did you see ????" If you saw my parents house of junk you would be shocked.....they saved old stuff from their younger days and it's gonna be a real stressful situation when the time comes (which I hope it never does) to clean out the house if we need to sell it. No one would ever buy it....I love everyone here - we have so much in common. thanks maryann
My aunt that just passed from AD in June kept everything...every vase from every single rose given her along with the card, every do-dad and trinket anyone or grandchild ever made. She would tell her daughters, "when I'm gone, just pull a dumpster into the drive and get rid of it!" She knew she had AD, but enjoyed looking thru her things. It kept her entertained and happy to have her things around her. (Daughters made sure they kept things free of clutter so she wouldn't fall etc., but let her have what she called her "special things".)
My mom on the other hand would save every scrap of paper, everything!!! Maybe she knew she couldn't comprehend it and know what to do with it, so she had better save it. It was so annoying! I would sort things out, take them home and get rid of it at my house as if she would see it in the trash she would want it!
You just have to sneak stuff out like the others have been saying. Your loved one can't make a logical decision about such things....that's okay....because you can !!
Leave the guilt on the door-step, go in and do what you can to make it safe for them. I think it's so hard for us to have to reverse the role... now you are the "parent".... and it's so hard to see a loved one diminish in their faculties.
actually shoved into the clothes closet. My husband told her get rid of some of the stuff and she screamed "WHEN I'M DEAD!!!". 
So much rust and scary stuff floating around our basement!
I would sort things out, take them home and get rid of it at my house as if she would see it in the trash she would want it! 
I think it's so hard for us to have to reverse the role... now you are the "parent".... and it's so hard to see a loved one diminish in their faculties. 
