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Old 06-14-2005, 08:05 PM   #1
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MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Well, today was the day MIL had a taste of Adult Day Care. I took her to see FIL, then beat a quiet retreat while BIL picked her up and took her over there. This was about 10.30.

They were home by 12.30 .. while I was outside hanging out some washing (and trying to catch up with laundry.. ugh) when I heard them come home. I wandered in the back door and said "Hello" whilst motioning to BIL to cup upstairs for Coffee, he nodded. MIL said gruffly as I walked passed "hello" .. and I thought .. hmmmmmmmm

So BIL comes trotting upstairs, and I said "how did that go?" and he said "oh she wasn't sure about it, but she'll be fine. A bus will be here next Wednesday between 8.30 and 9 to pick her up"

I can just SEE her not getting in the bus. I can just SEE her cracking it ....

but ........ forever the optomist ... I will observe and see what happens.

MIL doesn't SEE herself as one of those 'old' people you see ... and I think she will find it a slap in the face. However, there is another lady there apparently with a similiar speech disorder .. so perhaps she might learn that one can still have an active life??

Who knows .. but fingers crossed for a week away.

Hugs
Sally

PS: BIL got a phone call from his Real Estate. They've given him 60 days to vacate the house they live in. It will be interesting to see if they stay in town or go. I KNOW they won't move in here.

 
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Old 06-15-2005, 12:16 AM   #2
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Dear Sally,

Last edited by Martha H; 06-15-2005 at 12:36 AM. Reason: sent uncorrected by accident

 
Old 06-15-2005, 12:25 AM   #3
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Dear Sally,

The fact that another lady there has a similar problem reminds me of Mom - before any of us suspected there was something wrong with her.

Mom was a volunteer for many years at LaGuardia Airport, where members of various Senior Centers sit at information desks. The prerequisite was being bilingual, in any 2 languages. Mom loved it. .. Happily sat there for 4 hours once a week or once every 2 weeks. They always went with a partner, and took turns going off to the food court to spend the $10 food voucher they got as part of the deal. Mom always proudly said "I work at LGA" ..up into her mid 90s.. up until last September, at age 95.

Then she was assigned to work with Miss X. Every week Mom came home with bizarre stories of what Miss X did this time. She gives people the wrong directions! She doesn't know where anything is! She goes away to eat and forgets to come back! She is late and the car (which picked them up) has to leave without her.

I always thought X had Alzheimers and wondered why the Center allowed her to volunteer at such a public venue. Well, not long afterwards we began to suspect Mom's Dementia, and one day when she should have been at the airport, she wasn't home at 3 when I returned fom school. I got a little nervous, but thought maybe she took on a second 4 hour shift.. supposed to work 8 to 12. Finally she came home at 4 PM, and I said, did you get an extra shift?

"No I never got the the airport at all. X didn't shown up. I got in the car alone, and then remembered we are not allowed to go without a partner, so I told the driver to let me out." This would have been at 7:30

Where did you go then? I don't know. Did you spend the whole day at the Center? No they all think I am forgetful ... when actually it is X, she didn't come, SHE was late, she came, but then went somewhere else, well, maybe she was there but ...

I gave up cross examining her and never found out where she actually went that day.. but now I understand that MOM forgot which airline was where. Mom showed up for duty at the center but then wandered off, Mom went to eat and forgot to go back ..all the things she said X did,she actually did. Now I think X had the beginnings of AD but Mom had full blown mid level AD before any of us got wise ... and of all Center members, Mom could not stand Miss X at all ... despised her, gossiped about her, made up stories about her. Now I think she reminded Mom too much of all that she couldn't stand about herself any more ..

So I doubt if your MIL will become a friend of that lady, but maybe someone else .. I hope so ..but I am skeptical.

BIL is moving away? leaving his Mum in your hands, again? How did that happen, so suddenly?

What a mess!

Love,

Martha

Last edited by Martha H; 06-15-2005 at 12:48 AM. Reason: sp

 
Old 06-15-2005, 12:40 AM   #4
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Well, he's just received notice .. who knows what the decision will be? Maybe taken on a place for 6 months then who knows?

I ain't taking MIL on after December. No way.

Hugs
Sally
Who is skeptical too .. LOL

 
Old 06-15-2005, 10:07 AM   #5
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Hi Sally,

Well, the adult day care is a step in the right direction, but why did she come home after just 2 hours? Did BIL make the mistake of sticking around? Duh! Any parent of a small child knows to leave quickly, before the fuss can begin!

Didn't you say you weren't taking on MIL after July??????????????? How did December creep in? Where is the respite care??? Start making calls or banging heads together!

Goodness, about the housing situation, would he and L want MIL's house if she was no longer in it? Maybe BIL's tune will change now that he must leave the house (rental?) that they are in. As to the possibility they will move far away, do you think that's likely? Aren't L and her child(ren?) settled into life and schools in your town? That's not counting BIL's ties because of MIL and FIL. Might he and L want to move into MIL's home and move her out, freeing your lot to go north lickedy-split? It would be really low of him to move away after all the blockage he's been. Then again, if he was gone, would you and Alan be free to move MIL out? Would the money FIL and MIL have, along with pensioners income, be likely to last long enough to pay for their care for the rest of their lives? Would your family stay until December or longer if you had the house to yourselves? So many things to wonder about and to consider.

Hope all comes out in a way that gets the elders proper care and that lets you and Alan finish your courses, then get outta there!

Hugs - Barbara

 
Old 06-16-2005, 02:55 PM   #6
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Hi Sally,

So how goes it? Has MIL been back to eldergarten (just made up thiat word this very minute - how do you like it?!)?? I've wondered about MIL and the homefront.

Is FIL still waiting for a bed to become available in a nursing home? Any word on a time estimate about the room or his health? I've thought about him, too.

Mostly, have been thinking of you!

Cheers - Barbara

 
Old 06-17-2005, 12:40 AM   #7
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

sorry for my tardiness these last few days .. we've been ... hmmm .. a bit hectic?? yes, one might say that LOL

MIL won't go back to eldergarten (love it, love it, love it) until next Wednesday. BIL said she appeared 'cautious but ok" with the deal.

Uh huh ... right.

The next day she told us (in her words with actions !!) that she went somewhere, where they prayed and a lady went babble babble babble, poor dear, terrible terribly. I said "And your going to go back there next wednesday are you?" and she sorta went "NO, oh .. I suppose" shrug ... ignore, change subject ....

I can't wait for Wednesday to unfold.

FIL is still waiting for a bed. It could even be until November !!! If he get's something before that, it means someone has died and he can take their place. That's the estimated waiting list. The only other thing is this is winter, the death toll rises and lots of people get shifted quickly... AND he's in a hospital taking up a valuable bed, so he get's priority over someone sitting at home waiting for the same thing.

*sigh*

But yesterday morning when I took MIL to see FIL all was well. FIL was DESPERATE to see the outside world (his scooter died last week, so he lost that chance then - it's fixed now) and as we're discussing the who, how and when of giving him some outside time, who walks in but his sister!! P is a wonderful lady, I adore her .. she's good value. She looked after THEIR mother (who had advanced dementia) until she had to (HAD TO) put her in a home. She's been through the caring, the guilt, etc etc .. and she had full intentions of speaking to FIL and telling him what needs to be done for EVERYBODY, not just him.

Cept MIL thought P had come to visit HER, and so became P's shadow!! I said to P quietly, "I'm taking FIL out this afternoon to the big shopping centre around 1" and she said "good O, synchronise watches, I'll meet you there". So once she finally ditched MIL, she took off to the shops to find us.

Lucky she did too .. my mobile phone decided to hiccup (first time in years) so she actually COULDN'T ring me, but she walked around and around and found us!! LUCKY!!

She hung around for about an hour, and we caught up a bit, then she took off (She's the Mum of the cousin with the tomato farm) back to her daughters, and FIL and I wandered a bit more in and out of shops. Once I got him back in the car, we went for a drive around some new estates (concrete monstrosities in the middle of the country .. stupid idea ... how many bodies can we fit on the smallest block of land isn't necessary here!!) and I got him back to his room 3.5 hours after I had taken him out!

He wanted an airing .. HE GOT ONE !!!LOL

Other than that, MIL is quiet .. nice actually!! so today I gave Cameron and Tamea the day off school, and we went to our storage shed and downgraded the size. 1 hour and 10 minutes later, WE WERE DONE!! I was impressed! Then Tamea and I hit the charity shops for winter clothes and a computer table for FIL (no such luck yet ... I won't give up tho!) .. and now my friend of 32 years is coming over for dinner and a couple of drinks (I've started before her!!) ...

so .. that gave me time to sit down and catch up!!

Oh .. and the laundry is ALMOST up to date .. 2 loads to go !! Woo HOO!!!


Hugs
Sally

Last edited by mustang_sally; 06-17-2005 at 12:42 AM.

 
Old 06-17-2005, 06:33 AM   #8
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Hi Sally,

It sounds like things are a wee bit better or your plan of backing off is really working so you and the kids have a better time. Do you feel that's so? Of course I have some questions.

Is eldergarten just once a week?? That's not enough!

How can FIL pretend to be so obtuse about MIL when his own mother had dementia and P. could not see it to the end? P needed help, then placement in a nursing home. Just shows there is a time when that has to be done. Sad, but true.

Where does P live? Enlist her help/ear/support/assistance/experience to get through all you're dealing with involving her brother and SIL! Can you visit with her for lessons in letting go?! Just kidding. You're doing well.

A school day away from school?? You are just the greatest mom in the world. Was Brianna miffed she didn't get to play and work, too?!

Hope the dinner with your friend was lots of fun - and I'll raise my glass to you!!

Reckon our friend Martha is up to her earlobes in bliss!!!!

Cheers!! Barbara

 
Old 06-20-2005, 01:35 PM   #9
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Hey, Sally!

Where are you? Hope it's not more chaos to deal with.

Sending (((hugs)))! Barbara

 
Old 06-20-2005, 03:47 PM   #10
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

HI Barb,

I am about, it's just my lower back seems to have gone on me and sitting for long periods (standing for long periods, laying down for long periods) ends up giving me agony .....

Chaos? Reigns supreme in this household LOL ... MIL doing some 'odd ball' things but we think it might (maybe, perhaps) be related to the Day Care thing (tomorrow) .. not sure. BIL and I are sitting back watching ... observing .. taking notes .. comparing.

No Church on Sunday.
No Ten Pin Bowling on Monday

is she pulling back from social activities on purpose? Does she think day care is replacing them? She had no money again, but miraculously found $50, THEN got BIL to take her to the bank and she took out 400 .. like geeeezzzzz ...... I dunno .. I just dunno .....

More news later. Have to take her to see FIL and find myself some pain killers *sigh*.

Hugs
Sally

 
Old 06-20-2005, 04:06 PM   #11
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbaraH
Hi Sally,

It sounds like things are a wee bit better or your plan of backing off is really working so you and the kids have a better time. Do you feel that's so? Of course I have some questions.

Is eldergarten just once a week?? That's not enough!

How can FIL pretend to be so obtuse about MIL when his own mother had dementia and P. could not see it to the end? P needed help, then placement in a nursing home. Just shows there is a time when that has to be done. Sad, but true.

Where does P live? Enlist her help/ear/support/assistance/experience to get through all you're dealing with involving her brother and SIL! Can you visit with her for lessons in letting go?! Just kidding. You're doing well.

A school day away from school?? You are just the greatest mom in the world. Was Brianna miffed she didn't get to play and work, too?!

Hope the dinner with your friend was lots of fun - and I'll raise my glass to you!!

Reckon our friend Martha is up to her earlobes in bliss!!!!

Cheers!! Barbara

Oh Barbara .. I didn't see this one .. SORRY!!!

Yes, our plan of backing off seems to be working nicely. We have definite periods of thinking "well, it's not so bad now eh?" .. Doesn't mean we still don't want to get out ... but it's put-up-able for now (today, this week .. next week it could all change LOL)

Eldergarten, for NOW, is once a week. They run 3 times a week I think, which is the ultimate goal.

FIL can be as obtuse as he likes. He had nothing to do with his mothers care. P lives in Sydney, their mother lived in Sydney. We live in a country town too far away to be useful. From my memories, they had "Grandma the Great" here once for a month .. that was IT. P knows EXACTLY how I feel being the primary carer and wants to beat her brother up (but gently, she's a quiet spoken lovely lady, I adore her). I've enlisted P before, but it's been a matter of timing ...

Brianna didn't mind going to school, because she had a 'plain clothes' day (no uniform) and got a lunch order (a rarity in this house) .. and she's our lazy one, she wouldn't have helped if she had have been with us.

Dinner was lovely, thankyou, I had 2 too many, but was happy doing it LOL. Martha Martha Martha .. T'is too quiet without her!! She needs to buy a computer quickly !!!!

Hugs again
Sally
(who is now thinking .... perhaps taking FIL shopping last Thursday and them moving furniture on Friday may have cause the back thing on me .. y'think?)
Geez I'm stupid sometimes .. I really am ! LOL

 
Old 06-20-2005, 05:19 PM   #12
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Hi ladies! And thank you Barbara for clarifying the AD research thing.

Sally, first your shoulder, now your back. I was considering giving you 40 lashes with a wet noodle for overdueing it. But considering my doctor gave me 40 lashes today for not taking care of myslef as well as I should, I don't have room to talk. Doc got mad 'cause I stopped my levothyroxine without telling her. The heart palpitations were too scary. She got angry and told me to NEVER stop taking the thyroid meds. She said I have to take it for the rest of my life because I could go into a coma if I stop. That scared me enough to take it from now on. She lowered the dose and I have to be tested again in 6 weeks. Then she'll increase the meds every six weeks until my bloodwork is normal. She also tested me for gout because of the pain I have in my toes (God, it's awful sometimes!). I'll get those results back in a few days. I have to call the hospital tomorrow to get an appt for x-rays. Then I have to get a fasting lipid panel, a mamogram and a pap smear. If a man does it, I hope he's good looking.

Back pain is like a toothache. When your back or your teeth hurt, everything seems to hurt. Take your pain relievers and muscle relaxers if you have them. Rest as much as you can. Don't overdue it.

Glad that you've found another allie (sp???) in P. Though she lives far away, she can be of enormous moral support for you.

Blessings to all!

Love, Barb
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Last edited by LuvMyLilDoggie; 06-20-2005 at 05:21 PM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 06-21-2005, 12:30 PM   #13
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Sally, back pain can also be triggered off by stress!!! (not that YOU have any .. says me, now retired and off eldercare for life, I hope!!!)

Love,

Martha

 
Old 06-21-2005, 04:19 PM   #14
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Today is Wednesday. I woke up feeling AWFUL, with a temperature and I'm just feeling 'off' can't pinpoint anything .... but the back is feeling better !!!! (At this moment, right now, as I type .. it could all change the second I stand up LOL). BIL rang this morning to remind MIL about her 'bus' and 'day', but I had her phone redirected to mine (too many telemarketers lately ... was upsetting her) .. so I sent Cameron down to remind Nanna that she was 'going on a bus with the other ladies today" ... MIL said "am I?" and Cameron was all excited and happy (body language speaks reams) and he said "yeah !! Your going out on a bus with the ladies, LUCKY Nanna!!!" .. and she said "yeah ... lucky ucky ky". Then Alan took the kids to school. About 10 minutes later .. this mini bus turns up .. a bloke hops out and says to me "Is she ready?" (I'm hanging over the upstairs balcony, still in my nightie!!) and I said "I have no idea guys" and then BIL turned up !! (Good timing !!) so he leapt out of the car, ran inside, sorted MIL out, dashed back to the bloke waiting and said "I'm winning ..." .. and the next thing, MIL is walking out the door .. big grin on her face, the bloke waiting for her said "Oh you look BEAUTIFUL darling!!" and MIL put her arms out to him, so he got her by the elbow and helped her down the stairs and assisted her into the bus ....

and off they went ............. !!!!!

Does she KNOW she's going to Day Care?................................... ....Dunno
Does she KNOW this is a regular thing?.................................. ........Dunno
Is she going to have a good day once she figures out where she is?...Dunno

But she DID go .. !! She did have to be assured that I will take FIL his paper and Pj's (which were NOT washed .. still stunk .. so they're being washed as I type) and that was the only major thing .. I'll make sure I'm home from 2.15pm onwards, because she'll be home any time after that.

**fingers crossed**

Hugs
Sally

Last edited by mustang_sally; 06-21-2005 at 04:24 PM.

 
Old 06-21-2005, 05:54 PM   #15
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Re: MIL & the Adult Day Care Day

Hi Sally!

What a morning! Cameron gets points for enthusiasm! BIL gets a point (he has a lot of making up to do) for good timing! The bus driver gets points for waiting and for being charming to MIL!!

Terrific! As I see it, you have hours to yourself!!!!!!!!! Laundry washing means you're actually working (that's my theory and I'm sticking to it!), so you can serenely do as you choose. I'd say to take FIL's pjs at 1pm and hurry back to be home when MIL arrives. More time for you!!!

Hope your back won't bother you at all. Enjoy!

Hugs - Barbara

Last edited by BarbaraH; 06-21-2005 at 05:56 PM.

 
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