Last Sunday night, FIL asked DH how MIL was going to get to 10 Pin Bowling on Monday. DH said "I have no idea, we gave BIL 6 weeks notice to set something up, and he's done nothing, or if he has he hasn't told us as usual". One phone call later, eldest niece visiting from another town (12 hours drive south of us, so it wasn't a fleeting visit) volunteered to take MIL bowling and then to visit FIL.
Tuesday .. MIL sat at home. All day. Nobody came to take her to see FIL. FIL was sitting in his room, all day, wondering where she was and where his newspaper was.
Wednesday .. my hiding day, MIL went to Day Care. Wednesday night FIL rings me begging for someone to come and visit, and could he please have some clean Pyjamas, because he had had none since Sunday.
HOW SLACK!! Yeah OK .. BIL is off doing his nurse escort thing, but "L" who quite seriously actually spoke to me last week and said "Oh I've got nothing to do, I'm a bit lost" has had her mobile phone turned off and won't answer her house phone!
So her BLATHERING on early this year about 'helping' is further clarification of how full of CRAP she is!!
I really DO NOT understand, how people who KNOW that help is needed can turn such a blind eye. Am I really that STUPID in expecting others to realise that if a need is there it means help? That when I say I'll help, I mean I'll help, not stick my head in the sand and ignore the issues cause it's not 'pretty'?
So .. as of today .. 28th July 2005 .. there is 171 days to go ...171 days until January 15. That's my set date of getting out of this TOWN. I'm not quite sure how we'll do it yet (financially and mentally) but for my sanity, my marriage and my kids ... it WILL get done.
I am shaking my head in amazement and the blind stupidity of family members. I am now being ignored by quite a few because I tell the truth about the woman downstairs, and they don't like what they hear. They do their 5 minute visits, in which her honeymoon behaviour shines through then tell me I'm wrong. I am so so so so so SICK of being told I'm wrong all the time ...
Sorry for venting .. but If I don't do it here I'll explode.
I fully understand your rage. They promised to look after her while you are at school, and now, this! A visitor did one of the many things she needs done for her ..and that was all. I cannot understand why BIL's girl friend doesn't at least ask "what can I do?" HE should have planned her in, especially for thsese times when he is away. She should be driving MIL around on a regular basis. Cutting herself off from phone contact is not an answer.
When BIL comes back tell hm exactly what happened or didn't happen. Not taken to see FIL two days in a row. No one made sure he had clean pyjamas. Apparently between you leaving the house and you returning, no one checked on MIL ..so who is monitoring her pills, her food, her safety? They are just letting her be alone in the house all day?
Sally - don't buckle under the pressure! Don't give up your course! Don't think "I have to do it since no one else wants to."
If it has to be, leave her alone all day and let FIL wear the same pyjamas for a few days ... it is appalling how the whole family thinks YOU ALONE have to take care of all that .. what are they thinking???
People who come in for a short visit - even 2 minutes - see that she cannot speak, she is irrational, she is odd, weird ..so I don't believe they are citicising you as much as you may think..They probaly leave with relief thinking, "Thank God Sally is taking care of her and not ME!"
Keep on your path. Jan 15 will come ..I will probably be snowed in by then under 2 feet of snow out here - and happy I don't have to go out to work ... So far I have not found any kind of PT job and am OK with it .. so far ....
I will NOT give up my course. If "L" was 'entitled' to do it, then I DEMAND equal time. If she can have 'her time', then I DEMAND equal time. The only difference between her and me is a marriage certificate. I have no claim on these in-laws ... neither does she. So I am thinking .. and this is SO against my ethics, but if I start doing 'her' behaviour (which I have started doing... although it's hard .. I am a caring person unfortunately, and can't help myself, so to say "nope" is REALLY hard for me) then they have NO RIGHT to critisize me .. because then I can, quite honestly say "I'm doing NO MORE THAN "L", what more do you want?"
Well, that's the theory anyway. FIL is a bit confused as to why I am basically ignoring him, and I don't like doing it, but, unfortunately, I have to .. I am left with no choices.
Taken lots of pain pills tonight, haven't slept properly in 4 nights, sick with this blasted cold again, and if Alan doesn't stop snoring, I'll be a widow by the end of the week .... the lounge is nice, but not for extended periods of time.
Room ... spinning ... time for ... bed .......*yawn*
Hugs
Sally
(who thanks EVERYBODY from the bottom of her heart for listening to my venting)
So what did you do on your day off??? Before FIL's call that evening, that is. Hope it was fun, idle and without accomplishment, plus delightfully sneaky!
How many pairs of PJs does FIL own? If he's out and in need of a wash load in just 2 days, he needs more! Perhaps the local thrift store has some that will do nicely after a wash. They can be donated again unless he wears them out in living past time again!
Can FIL not get a newspaper delivered there while in hospital? Why does a hospital volunteer not bring him a paper? I realize that a hand carried paper adds a visitor at the other end of the paper, but life has gotten busier. Failing that, can MIL be trusted to be ready (on her own)to go to hospital, paper in hand, and if so, arrangements be made with the taxi company to get her there and home again? It's a thought. And, of course, BIL deserves a pounding on the head for any of us even needing to think about this.
Rant as needed ( in medical terms that would be "rant prn"!!)
Does Alan have snore because of sleep apnea? That's not healthy, causing BP to soar as they gasp, snort, and start breathing again. My DH has a C-Pap machine that sends postive pressure down his throat all night while he wears a mask on his face. I know the disrupted sleep due to a partner's loud snores! My sympathies to you!!
Hope you had a good night's sleep yourself a la medicines or not. It's Friday, so plan for a toddy after everyone is home tonight!
Ahh .. on my wonderful day off I spent 3 hours with my friend, gossiping, chatting, sharing thoughts and hopes and dreams, making sure she understands that when I move, she can still be my friend .. LOL .. she's not happy about our impending move.
I then went home, had a delicious lunch ... played a game on the computer, did a load of washing, hung it out and did NOTHING until it was time to get the children from school. Actually, I left half an hour early, got a good parking spot and read my book.
T'was very peaceful!
FIL owns 4 pairs of PJ shorts (his preference) which for some strange reason, he's taking to wearing once or twice then demanding they get washed. I think (think) he might be having 'accidents'. I've been hunting the Op Shops (my favourite pastime) but summer clothing in the middle of winter is hard to find. The couple I have found haven't fitted him, been a bit too tight. I did find one pair, but had no cash on me!
He's got 3 PJ tops, which isn't too bad, because it's winter, he's alternating between winter tops and summer tops. Yes, we need more for me to keep here I think .. and if he gives washing to MIL, well, they either get put back in the bag and given back to him dirty, or they get put in the washing machine (and nothing else done) or she'll hand wash them.
Yes, the newspaper could be delivered to him ... but I can't change the address because I'm not him, and he won't change it, because he likes the visitor at the other end of the paper LOL ... you so picked the right wording Barb! I was only thinking yesterday I wonder if MIL would catch a Taxi if I organised it ... then again, would she pay them? It's a bit tricky really.
What DH and I thought of today was I will message "L" on her mobile phone TODAY (because she knows we're home and available, and therefore won't be expecting a contact to ask for help) and say "Can you do MIL Bowling on Monday and FIL visit on Tuesday please" she has the choice to say no, and if she says "no", then FINE, MIL can sit at home ~ because I asked nicely (not demanding .. BIL doesn't like it if I demand action ~ poor possum).
do I sound a bit jaded? Do I sound a bit disappointed and cranky? Yeah .. I am.. I am so TIRED of this quiet game of cat and mouse. There is no confrontations, there is no screaming matches, it's all just so quiet ....
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