Just a quickie - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

angel_bear · 08-04-2005, 04:59 AM

I have SO much homework .. YIKES!!

Now I'm into the rights of humans .... ai yi yi !!!!

Just thought of a quick update for you: FIL IS NOT COPING in the nursing home. They are a miserable bunch that work there, and they are treating him horribly ... and I was verbally attacked this morning by the Head Nurse on Duty.

I was told FIL will have to SUCCUMB to the rules and regulations of the establishment, and they will 'get to him' when they have a moment, otherwise, the world doesn't revolve around him.

Not bad for day 3 ..... I am already on the warpath.

Trouble is, I'm doing the rights of humans IN these types of establishments, my 8 lines of expected writing turned into a stapled on addition LOL

Whoops!

MIL is behaving .. taking her tablets, but she's not well. Started off well this morning, and by lunchtime was shuffling and leaning and not good. We WERE offered respite care on the 11th, but that's been knocked back because China BIL is coming to town on the 15th and would like her at home for his week's stay.

Fair enough .. can't argue there.

More soon .. just so busy *sigh*

Hugs
Sally

Martha H · 08-04-2005, 05:23 AM

Hi Sally,

When China BIL is home I hope he takes over Mom's full time care for the duration of his visit. I also expect that he will go to the nursing home and see what can be changed. As much as they like to say "he has to wait until we have time for him," it is a fact that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

I don't know if this works in Australia (but I don't see why not) .. it is the age old system of rewards: bring a box of chocolates to the nurses/caregivers and say this is to thank you IN ADVANCE for the loving care you are giving to my FIL. Keep that up with regular replacements, fruit, flowers, candy and see if it makes a difference. Don't be at loggerheads with them but praise them for some small thing they did right.

You yourself have said that FIL can be selfish and demanding, so maybe it's not ALL 'them!'

Unless some kind of gross neglect is taking place ..that's another story.

It's the old ' you catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar' idea. I have also heard that talking to the personnel about who FIL is, where he lived, his hobbies and his family make him seem more appealing to the caregivers there, not just an anonymous demanding old man. Good luck ..bUT LET his SONS take care of this NOT YOU!!!

Love,

Martha

angel_bear · 08-04-2005, 07:18 AM

I hope China BIL does more than his fair share over his time here too... give me a chance to catch my breath !!!!

I am not happy with this nursing home. Yes, I know FIL can be stubborn and pig headed, but his behaviour is totally opposite of 'normal'. He's depressed. He's not eating. He can't enthuse himself to get out of his chair.

I spent this morning with him (and MIL) explaining how he needs to be "PRO ACTIVE' in his care .. he needs to make himself heard. He needs to make sure they understand his needs are different to the 80% dementia patients they have. He is NOT demented, he is NOT a child. He has lung disease, and needs some TLC. I rubbed some cream into his dry arms today and received a scathing comment from the RN on duty of "Oh .. look at YOU .. you have a PRIVATE nurse .. aren't you lucky, well I'll just leave, you don't need me"

I could have slapped her

Instead, I went to her office, introduced myself (nicely) and voiced my concerns over FIL's depression. She glossed over and excused it with "there is a 6 week settle in, you have to wait" .. when I said "we've already done that with the Hospital he's been in for 4 months, I understand settling in, however ..........." I was greeted with hostility and threats.

She said "He will succumb to our rules and regulations"

Succumb??

She said "he has to wait, we're not here for everybody you know"

Oh ???

Am I worried?

You betcha

Hugs
Sally

BarbaraH · 08-04-2005, 09:04 AM

Hi Sally,

As you know, the behavior of the nurse is outrageous. The phrase here in the medical community for one duty of the nurse is "Patient Advocate" - to speak up for what the patient needs, to care for the debilitated or injured patient in ways to preserve skin integrity and joint mobility as well as address their illness or injury properly and with care. Seems to me the RN you met is very much doing the opposite, being snide, rude, and deliberately antogonistic. She certainly has a supervisor who might be very surprised to hear how that part of the hospital is being run. On the other hand, that may be how they operate and then it's their accrediting agency who needs the call.

And another thing, to use the word "succomb" about a terminal patient's demands and behavior is just plain cruel. They will succomb to their illness and not to the petty rules. They may comply, obey, or cooperate with the rules - maybe!!! I cannot help but think that this misuse of "succomb" was horribly deliberate. Unless ... it's an appropriate usage in OZ???

Can FIL and MIL both go to the round garden facility or do they not do end-of-life care? Is there a hospice facility in your area that can better accomodate FIL and take him really soon?

Hope there's a quick answer to this predicament so you can concentrate on that homework! Learn well!!

Happy Friday! Barbara

angel_bear · 08-08-2005, 02:34 AM

And today ...............................

I passed bed-making!! Woo Hoo Me !!!!

So now I can wash my own hands and made a bed!! (Alan said I fail that part at home constantly, and I was just showing off ..

) LOL

I ASSUMED today that BIL was taking his mother to 10 Pin Bowling and a visit to FIL (which DID happen .. yay) he'll be leaving ASAP for his flying work (Nurse Escort) as soon as possible, because now nothing MAJOR is required until next Monday, and the other BIL should be here by then.

Nice to know he get's off the hook so easily with very little effort. God Forbid YOU KNOW WHO (L) lifts a finger ......... but we won't go there ..

I had a talk to one of my teachers this afternoon about my family predicament, and I also informed her that the "potential SIL just did this course" and she shook her head in amazement and shock. She said How Sad it is that people take part in these courses when they don't really want to, and they've knocked back a heap of people who DO want to do this course, but numbers are limited.

Hmmmm ... sounds like an impending guilt trip I can throw somewhere down the track. .. *shock* would I do that?

Also today (busy day) .. I went to another nursing home and investigated the possibility of moving FIL and some stage. It's a possibility, they just don't know when.

I also VOLUNTEERED (yeah .. I know .. I can't help myself) for every 'other' Wednesday at this nursing home. I got hustled very quickly to the recreational officer and put on the roster then and there! I start this Wednesday (I don't have classes every other Wednesday you see, so Wednesday is free). There's a couple of reasons why I did this: 1) to utilise my learning awareness 2) Might be able to wiggle FIL moving a bit faster 3) fills in every 2nd Wednesday and will make 'L' look bad ...

Look at her .. she's got 2 kids that go to school and BIL. She does her housework (laundry for 4) she doesn't cook meals (they live on canned heated up food called "whatever's" unless BIL cooks) and visits her friend (only 1 friend btw). Sounds mean .. but that's her day to day existence.

Me? I cook for a family of 5 and MIL. I visit FIL and take him on outings. I do laundry here for my family and MIL. I take MIL shopping (not often, but it does happen). I do my course 2 - 3 days a week, AND I volunteer at a nursing home. Plus I actually spend time with my kids and we do stuff (not nearly as often as I would like, but beggars can't be choosers).

I'm not trying to make myself out to be a saint, but there is a saying:

If you want something done, ask a busy person.

Yup .. that would be me.

Anyway .. I CAN MAKE A BED .. woo hoo !! LOL

Hugs to all
Sally