Aged Care Just Rang Me - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

angel_bear · 08-05-2005, 03:28 AM

I just got a phone call from "C" from ACAT informing me she hasn't been able to catch BIL. They offered her Respite care in the same nursing home as FIL for 4 weeks, starting this Monday.

I only found out about this yesterday. BIL hasn't gotten back to ACAT nor answered his phone when they've rung.

He told DH that he was refusing Respite care this time around, because China BIL is due here on the 15th. (Respite was to be this monday, the 8th). BIL is going away on the 11th (work related) and we will be about between those days (ahh .. some forward thinking !!)

But his biggest fear ... (oh do sit down, you will like this ...) he's worried if MIL goes in for respite they will keep her there.

When I told "C" from ACAT that response, she swore!!!!! She's now saying that her original assessment on MIL was based on what BIL wanted to hear (see, I was right .. !!!!) and how she's trying to manipulate the system to MIL's benefit. For all these extra services BIL 'wants' for his mother, there is a waiting list. Right now, there is NO extra services available. There is no meal's on wheels available right now (3 month waiting list) there is NO community transport (2 month waiting list) and there is a 6 - 12 week wait for an Aide of some description to come and help her in the morning with meds and housework.

So .. ACAT have cancelled 2 weeks of respite and are giving it to a little dear who's just broken her wrist and lives alone, but are keeping the other 2 weeks aside for MIL. This is in the hope that China BIL might see some logic and light and actually HELP us.

I just feel like standing here and SCREAMING. "C" heard about the debacle on Monday with MIL and Hospitals, which just reinforced her opinion that MIL must have someone with her at most times (yay .. what have I been saying? For how long?) and that respite might just be the way to go.

And me, as the in law .. can't do a thing. I can just inform everybody of the facts. But I knew that.

"C" also said that if BIL doesn't think of his mothers SAFETY she will enforce the Guardianship Board and EVERYBODY will lose ....

So there ... that's TODAY'S crisis over

Hugs 'all

Sally

BarbaraH · 08-05-2005, 06:57 AM

Hi Sally,

Wait, do I hear that BIL will let MIL wander the countryside that is frought with hazards because she cannot be careful, but he is concerned that she'll be kept in respite care where she'd be safe?? What can he be thinking? He cannot play the "looks normal with Mom at home, so all is well" game. It only helps him and that's really not the point.

How do you keep your head on your shoulders?????????????????? There's some relief in knowing that someone at ACAT actually understands the situation! Who the heck have you been talking to there? Is G worth his salt? I cannot understand planning the care of a debilitated elder base on what a son wants to hear and with complete disregard for the abundant evidence. It's a mercy that MIL has survived that kind of care.

I hope while China BIL is in country, that he, Alan, and BIL - along with you (prime caregiver, witness, and victim) and FIL's sister with the excellent good sense (moral support and the pull of the older ganeration) - will get together and just get a reasonable and sensible plan together that keeps MIL safe. If those words can be brought up often it will perhaps help. Reasonable, sensible, and for her safety. That's the most loving care the sons can give their mother.

Happy weekend!! The homework I give you is PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs - Barbara

LuvMyLilDoggie · 08-05-2005, 10:07 AM

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!! That's what BIL is driven by. That plus the fact that he doesn't want to accept that his mum is as bad off as she is.

Sally, can Alan make those decisions if ACAT can't get in touch with BIL? If he can, then maybe he should tell ACAT "Thank you. We'll take you up on that offer." Or you or Alan could inform BIL that if he doesn't want to accept ACAT's offer, MIL will go to HIS house to be cared for while China BIL is there and until he cooperates with ACAT's reccomendations. Then watch how fast he picks up the telephone!

I can't believe the GALL of BIL and Miss Priss to drop this all in your lap. That's what he's doing.

I believe that BIL needs all of you to get together like Barbara said. Everyone should express their concerns for MIL (in a kind but honest way). Auntie would be a great ally for you if she could be there.

I'm with Barbara. I don't understand how you keep your head on your shoulders either. Speaking of shoulders, how is yours? You haven't mentioned it hurting lately so I assume it's better than it was.

And yes, do play!!!

Love, Barb

BarbaraH · 08-05-2005, 08:51 PM

Hi Sally,

So how goes it?? What's up with MIL? How is the situation with FIL's new digs and the staff nurse from he**?

It's Saturday in your part of the world, so hope you're able to relax in spite of all that whirls around you.

Hugs - Barbara

angel_bear · 08-06-2005, 03:32 AM

Ok .. t'is Saturday night, and I've got a moment to sit down and type (drink in hand ....)

Alan can't make decisions on his own. The POA is in FIL, BIL and his names. It has to be a joint thing *sigh*. BIL has, from Day 1 refused to have MIL in his house. That would probably be because of the poor dear little poppet he lives with. I am waiting with baited breath for China BIL to turn up and have words in his ears. We'll see what happens then. I do know he's at least back in Australia now, catching up with a niece in queensland.

How do I keep my head on my shoulders? Not sure actually. I do know I reach boiling point more often than not.

Talking about shoulders, mine is killing me at the moment. Not because of over-use .. because of a heavy schoolbag!!!!! OUCHIES!!!! I'll be looking for a backpack tomorrow I think !!

FIL has settled down 'a little'. I think my little pep-talk worked with him AND the nursing staff *grin* but I don't think I should be asking for work experience there eh? LOL I did talk to ACAT about his predicament, and they said he can transfer with little drama .. we just have to push it a little (weekly phone calls) .. so we'll start that on Monday .. AFTER school!!

**fingers crossed** .. no major drama's so far.

Today we went out to a Caravan and Camping Show in the next town (20 minutes away) .. BIL took FIL out for a drive and a wander. Wasn't that a nice change? FIL had asked DH if we could take him out, but DH said I wanted to go out, and BIL VOLUNTEERED!! (you can all get up now ... I heard you fall off your chairs). And then ............... (get ready for it) he actually came and spent a little bit of time with his MOTHER!!

Miracles are happening this weekend .. but I'm not holding my breaht ...

Oh I am turning into such a sarcastic COW lately ....

BIL isn't leaving town until the 11th. He's actually put some thought into this and He'll be home the Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday we're not home (actually, Wednesday is her day care day, so he get's that off too) then he'll leave town and we're around from then on until the next Monday. Hope he's home by then, because I can just SEE another problem happening (Unless he's spoken to HER about HELPING .. who knows? We get told nothing).

Anyway, my sarcastic attitude and I are going to have another drink and watch a movie !!

Hugs to all
Sally