R called with bad news.... - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

LuvMyLilDoggie · 08-06-2005, 04:32 PM

My brother is at her house. I just found out that he's been diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer. We haven't been close in the past few years. I lost one brother to cancer in 2001. He was 53 when he died. This brother is 53 now. I also lost a brother in 1995. He was 43.

Brother B has two more chemo treatments to go. He didn't want the family to know. This is such a shock.

I spoke to dad earlier today. He was laughing at the thought of our neighbor digging up part of our front yard without any of our knowledge. I had to call the police on them and the police wanted to know if I had a survey of this property. So much for that. The neighbor is supposed to have a building permit in his window (which he does not).

And dad didn't even mention to me that my brother had gone the 700 miles to visit him and my sister. It didn't even seem to sink in with him that B has cancer.

R has informed me that dad doesn't remember much anymore. She just thought I should know that. What on earth ever gave her that clue???? DUHHHHH!!! I know the world has to have some idiots......but do I have to be surrounded by them???

I haven't spoken much to my brother lately but I still love him. He's my brother. I hurt when he hurts.

I've lost nine family members in the last twelve years, three of them immediate family. This is so hard.....

Love, Barb

Martha H · 08-06-2005, 05:07 PM

Dear Barb,

I'm so sorry for this bad news. But it doesn't mean he will have to die of it. A close friend of mine in NY went through the whole thing: colon cancer diagnosed, operation, radiation, chemo. She came out of it weak and thin but alive. No cancer was found at the last few exams. She is getting her old weight and strength back. One horrible thing: her Mom has Alzheimer's and was not aware of her illness, the whole time her Mom complained abut how seldom she came to see her...

Maybe your brother will get through it too.

Your sister could not wake up until she actually had him there for some length of time. How long has it been now? My sister was still in denial after 3 weeks ... maybe longer is needed with the really, really 'unbelieving' ones ..use another word if you choose ...

Mom talked happily to me on the phone again this week; did not remember falling or not being allowed to swim, and told me something about her parents' farm (abandoned since 1959 and only visited occasionally by men in the family who like to hunt) as if she had just been there. I don't know if she overheard someone talking about it , or what. She went on and on about how high the uncut grass was. She didn't say a word about her own injuries. I'll try to find out later from Bill if they perhaps actually drove to the farm which is quite far from their summer cabin, but not impossible ...

The day she returned from Ohio and her sister called, and asked Mom how E is doing, Mom replied "Oh I don't know. I haven't heard from E for a year." I never told E this as it would have come across as a lie to her. She thinks those visits are Mom's lifeline since ONLY there does anyone treat her as a normal human being.

Oh, that's funny! Her promised visit in July didn't happen. Oh, Maybe she meant July 2006?? When Mom is nearly 98?

I wish your brother a full recovery and I hope you get more understanding from R after this ..

love,

martha

BarbaraH · 08-06-2005, 07:03 PM

Hi Barb,

So sorry to hear of your brother's illness and am glad he's getting treatment for it. Hope you can talk with him soon to express your love and best wishes.

So R has at last enough evidence that your Dad is forgetful. No sh**, Sherlock!! What was the clue that she latched on to? It is incredible how so many relatives can cling to denial until the evidence clobbers them over the head, isn't it??????

Hope your own doctors are aware of your family history of cancer and early death, so will take special care of you. Be sure to tell them this worrisome news about your older brother on Monday.

No answer to the idiot question here - sorry!

Sending hugs and best wishes to you - Barbara

angel_bear · 08-06-2005, 08:16 PM

I'm just sitting here, shaking my head ...

FAMILY .. !! Sheesh !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope brother recovers!!

Hugs
Sally

LuvMyLilDoggie · 08-07-2005, 05:17 PM

Thanks everyobe for the well wishes. I've just been sitting around absorbing things and trying to rest my brain if that's possible.

R called again and started talking about dad's will. She's never seen it although I've told her what's in there. My brother B is concerned about if he's in there or not (he's not). He's spent all of his life leaching off of people. He never calls unless he needs something. That's why we haven't spoken much in the last several years. I've refused to give him money. Back then, I had a brand new house and a new car and lots of big bills. He thought I was selfish for not helping him anymore when I was making lots of money. Well, that's when I realized it's not my responsibility to pick up B's mess. He's 12 years older than me and has never been a big brother to me.

This has made me rethink some things and I would like to have some sort of a relationship with him. He's using my dad and R right now because he has no place to stay.

Anyway, enuf about that.

My brother who died in 2001 died of thyroid cancer that spread very quickly. That really scares me. I have a bad thyroid which is giving me a lot of trouble lately again. My blood levels are all over the place which is causing me to loose my hair again and sleep long periods of time (other symptoms too yukky to mention). The doctor had to lower my medicine because I was having heart palpitations. So now here we go again with about 6 months of adjusting (slowly raising) medications and having blood tests done every six weeks and hopefully a thyroid scan to check for nodules.

I'm sorry. I know this is not the place to post about these things. It's just easier to type it than to speak it right now if that makes any sense.

I'm trying not to worry too much about things. I like to take the attitude that when trouble arises, having gone through it will make me a better person.

Gotta go take Nipsy (my Jack Russel/Toy Fox Terrier) up to Romeofest. Dh is working driving shuttle busses for the fest and Bo (my son) is working there for our local tv station. He does volunteer work at the station. He does everything from grip to cameraman (his usual job) to directing and editing.

A PROUD mama, I am!

Love, Barb