"ITS MY CAR!" - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

pluggedup613 · 08-18-2005, 10:52 PM

My grandma is in the early stages of dementia. The doctor, and others have agreed that it isnt safe for her to drive, but she insists on doing it anyway. She has gotten into a few minor accidents, but it is clear that when you drive with her she shouldnt be on the road. When you try to bring it up with her she becomes very defensive, and angry. How can we get her off the road before she injures herself or others.

CARAT414 · 08-19-2005, 12:25 AM

Oh been there, done that, scared the beegeebees out of me. My moms doctor had called the DMV and revolked her license 6 months before it was due for renewal. Then when she got into her second of three accidents she played the alzheimers card. Oh was I ****ed off, when she had told me what she had done. I tried hiding the keys, well the third accident with no license and no insurance pushed me over the edge. So I yanked a few wires under the hood of the car, had it towed to the shop my parents always took the car to, and told them under no circumstances were they to fix it. Then when the time came for her to renew her license and she failed the written, oral, and vision parts of the test, she finally agreed. I got copies of the failed test so I could show her if she forgot (she did a few times).

It was so scary. She was lucky and no one was ever seriously hurt in any of her accidents. A friends mom killed a 2 year old when she drove after her doctors told her not to. It is the only thing that my friend was thankful she had alzheimers for.

Good Luck,
Casey

Martha H · 08-19-2005, 05:15 AM

You have to realise this person - once a smart , even brilliant role model for generations- is now the equvalent of a 2 year old child.

What can I do? My 2 year old inissts on driving my car!

Think about it. Do what you have to do. Take the keys away and remember how the AD patient becomes very sneaky in the early stages .. she may have 4 copies hidden away. Move the car to where she can't see it. Have her licencse revoked, cancel the insurance, sell the car. Hide YOUR car keys!!!!

You have to be strong. Very strong and very determined. before SHE kills a small child, or herself, or drives into a school bus.

This is a horrible disease and therefore harsh measures have to be taken!

You are in my prayers.

love,

Martha

Sandyspen · 08-19-2005, 08:20 AM

Oh........That dreaded CAR!

Yes, you have to physically take it away or make it impossible for her to drive it. My brother and I finally decided that we just couldn't live with ourselves if my mom injured herself, or someone else. It is literally a deadly weapon.

My Mom has still not recovered from losing her car. Everyday I wish for that memory to be gone. It has been the most traumatic thing we've had to do.

Months ago, we took her car away. And she has a crying binge at least 4/5 times a week about that car. Sometimes 4/5 times a day. We sat her down, explained the dangers, and she was totally agreeable at the time.

Of course, she doesn't remember any of that. So every time she cries for it, we give any explanation that we think might placate her; she lost her license, the doctor recommended it, the car is broken. We've tried it all. Nothing works and she never remembers any of it anyway. Two hours later, she'll say, "Where's my car?" We've had this conversation a million times now.

Her missing car is the only thing that has driven Mom to curse and scream at us.

Very very sad, but has to be done.

Titchou · 08-19-2005, 08:37 AM

Does anyone in your family have her power of attorney? If so, that person can just take the car and dispose of it. I had to threaten my mother with that. She was hooked on valium and halcyon and refused to give them up. I finally told her that she could have the drugs or the car...but not both because I wasn't going to have a busload of dead school kids on my conscience. She gave up the drugs and kept the car.