BarbaraH

Hi -

This is a difficult situation. It does seem ideal that your mother and sister have the chance to be cared for in a new residential facility that is run by your former neighbors. I wonder if it could be worked out?

I know you said that you could not afford for both your mother and your sister to move, but if they both left their current home, could it be sold to pay their expenses? Do you think your mother would be more agreeable to the move if your sister was moving with her?

My widowed mother lived across the country from me and had Alzheimer's for the last ~4 years of her life. I had to move her into an assisted living facility and take away her car for her safety. At that time in her decline, she'd tried to leave her home at 11pm one night, refused to believe it was night, and the clock and black night sky were meaningless to her. She was confused by the mail, had forgotten how most of the appliances worked, and the contents of her refrigerator were science experiments. I could not let her remain in her house. Her older sister (age 89) didn't want Mom to move to my home because it was too far away. Mom cried, I cried, but it had to be. Had Mom been her social butterfly self, she'd have loved it. Just 7 months later I had to move her again because she'd wandered away at night. I moved her to a locked unit and she didn't even notice. 6 months later, she forgot how to walk. Sad, but true.

There comes a time when it's all about keeping them safe, warm enough, cool enough, clean enough, and well fed. They cannot be independent anymore and that's sad, too.

I hope you find the perfect solution and your mother can understand well enough.

Wishing you well - Barbara