ProudUSAFMom

My 71-yr-old Dad is in a health care facility in his (our) hometown suffering from Lewey Bodies Dementia. Apparently he had this illness for 7 years before it was properly diagnosed in 99 after my grandmother (his Mom) passed away. He had taken early retirement and moved in with her in the house my Grandfather built her when they married in 1929. She was suffering from bone density loss and was breaking bones each time she fell, and she was falling a lot but would not leave her home. The day finally came that she got too difficult for my Dad to physically take care of her even with a skilled nurse coming to their home each day so she was placed in this small city's nursing home/health care facility. My Father spent EVERY DAY for the last 4 years of her life with her in the nursing home; he'd arrive after she'd eaten breakfast and gotten bathed and dressed for the day and he would stay with her until she fell asleep at night, usually while he read the Bible to her or sang some of her favorite old church hymns. He also whistled like nobody's business and would whistle "Amazing Grace" that still chills me to the bone every time I recall it in my head.

After my Grandmother passed, my Father's unusual behavior was associated with his tremendous grief over the loss of his Mother. All of his children lived in different States except me, and I live 9 hours away close to the Gulf whereas he's up near the pan handle along the Oklahoma border. I was torn when trying to make the decision to leave him there, so far away but in a place that he was very familiar with and already felt like was 'home", or move him closer to me in a strange place where the attendants would most likely not give him the same empathetic treatment he is receiving from these people who admire and respect my Father for how faithful he was to spend as much time as possible with my Grandmother before she passed.

Dad was quickly losing his ability to verbally communicate and was already beginning to have a hard time recognizing me when I decided it would be best to leave him there, especially since several of the residents when to high school with my Dad and there were also 2 of our relatives in his age bracket who also lived there.

However, I want you to know that before he was properly diagnosed, he was being treated for Alzheimers; when he did not improve on that treatment, he was re-diagnosed with Parkinson's. After that medication did not help him, further testing revealed that he actually had Lewey Bodies Dementia; once he was placed on the medication to treat the illness he was actually suffering from, he improved remarkably but for only a short few years. Apparently the medications he took for Alzheimers and Parkinson's tripled his mortality rate, which is a crying shame.

During the time he was taking the wrong medication, he was hallucinating, screaming all night long no matter how sedated, and behaving extremely inappropriately to ALL females he came in contact with, including his own sister and his daughters. One day I recall receiving a call from the nursing home telling me my Father had to be sedated because he was stark naked except for his house coat and socks and was walking down the halls flashing the poor little old ladies who were wheel-chair-confined. I was mortified! This was like something you'd see in a Playboy magazine cartoon!

These episodes ceased completely once he was placed on the proper medication. He recognized me in 2002 and 2003 but did not recognize me in 2004. We will be going to see him this Thanksgiving and I don't know if he will know me or not. I speak often with his nurse and the Head of Nurses to see how he is doing, and they will read him any letters I send to him and show him photos I've had framed that are from a time when he knew his children and family.

I cannot tell you how many sleepless nights I spent agonizing over what was the right thing to do with my Father when it was abundantly clear that he would need professional care that I alone could not provide for him. But what a blessing to have him in his hometown where he grew up, surrounded by people he grew up with, and being cared for by people who hold him in the highest regard for his unwavering care for my Grandmother before she passed.

I'm sure there are so many of you who don't have it as good as I do; I truly wish you the best in handling your individual situations, and if there's anything I can help answer I'll be glad to assist. I did not elaborate on the sexual impropriety that he displayed but as I said, it was caused by the illness and went away once he got on the proper medication.

God Bless- Marla