BarbaraH

Hi Emily,

Sorry your Grams is having to endure Alzheimer's and those of you who love her are having to deal with the concerns and fallout.

If you haven't already done so, please read the sticky about the stages of Alzhemier's (and maybe copy/print for your mother and aunts as an unhappy reality check for them) and see what seems all too familiar. Tell the daughters that it's all about keeping Grams safe, well fed, and clean - not about wishing the problems would go away so they'd each feel better. Don't be surprised that it is difficult - bad news is always unwelcome.

You're right, Grams should probably not be driving as she probably cannot remember the rules of the road so she'd be a safe driver. There are 2 recent posts here about taking the car keys away. Not easy, but essential to Gram's safety and the safety of others on the road.

There are home aides who can come into your home and help when it's needed, do the driving, and whatever. What I did for my mother was to move her into an nice assisted living facility (ALF) where she had a sunny 1 bedroom apartment (her own furniture), great closets, a kitchenette, and 3 meals daily in a lovely dining room. I lived across the country and could not take her home for reasons you can read if you read back far enough!

It is essential that someone have her Durable Power of Attorney as that is the only legal way to conduct her business, pay her bills from her account, and ask her doctor for her medical information. You can tell her that this is the way that taxes won't take away all of her savings. An eldercare lawyer can help with this if it hasb't already been done. I was blessed in that my little mother had already given me DPOA 10 years before I needed it to take care of her. Believe me, the time will come when the Alzheimer's will have taken enough away that your Grams will not know how to write a check, operate her washing machine, or know her daughters or you. She will have forgotten so much more, too. So sad, but true.

I lost my sweet mother almost exactly a year ago - on September 2. 1004 - and she had not known me, her only child and daughter, for over a year. She was glad to see me and smiled, but did not have a clue how we were related. In her mind, she was too young to have a child, and at one point, she was concerned that her mother didn't know where she was. That was before she mostly quit talking and after she forgot how to walk. I still miss her.

This awful disease is a thief of memory, health, laughter, personality, and vitality. You are not alone on this most unwelcome road. Come here as often as you need to - we understand.

Blessings - Barbara