And I said "But hang on .. BIL was told by 'nice' nursing home that she could stay a few days" and ACAT said "Well, no, she can't, we have to move her .. and now is a good time"
And then .. I burst out crying. I feel like SUCH a sook (not name calling myself .. just stating the emotion I was feeling) ... now, because today is FIL's birthday, he was organising with Alan about going out for lunch, and we had somewhat relaxed (silly us) into thinking that we had until Monday to figure out the fine details with MIL, but that threw those plans out the window .. well then Alan didn't want to go and move his mother, so I ended up saying "fine, I'll do it" and then ACAT called the Social Worker (G - remember him?) and HE went with ACAT and got MIL. In the meantime, Alan and I dashed out to the new nursing home, and got most of the paperwork filled out. When ACAT and G turned up with MIL, we were hustled out a side door .. where we waited for ACAT and G to come out and tell us how things went.
They did, about 15-20 minutes later. MIL didn't trust ACAT (funny that LOL) but liked G (she's always preferred boys) and HE managed to get her into the car and while she was being re-booked in, he took her out to the garden, which she liked. They then showed her her room, and then ACAT and G left and came out to us.
PHEW.
Now in between all this, FIL is saying "Now, MIL is coming to lunch with us isn't she?" and I totally lost my temper and said a few choice words I'm not allowed to repeat here and hung up on him. The nursing home didn't recommend any family visits or outings for 'a few days' (if at all). He took it quite well when we went to see him after MIL was secure. We're taking him out for dinner tonight instead, and we're surprising him with a friend instead.
So then we went on the Merry-go-round of finding MIL's medications, FOUND THEM, found somebody had ordered Serapax for her, and I had a fit (because she really reacted quite horribly with those) but they've got her on serenase (sp?). The nursing home also got the doctor in virtually IMMEDIATELY (he's great our doctor) and found she's STILL got this huge UTI happening .. so she's going to be on MORE med's as well.
And in the short time she's been at this facility, she's been incontinent of urine AND faeces. She's got no underwear, so I'm about to go shopping for her for them .. and the facility is INSISTING she wears pads ..
THANK HEAVENS !!!
So ........... for now ................ at this moment of time ..............before night falls .. she's happy'ish. We dropped off her meds' a moment ago, and the staff said she was in the group, happy as larry, singing songs (she warbles, no words), that she's letting them toilet and wash her .. and for the moment, she seems ok.
We'll wait until the sundowning thing happens .. then we'll see.
What a runaround. My Mom would say, ''they gave you the bum's rush."
I can only hope you get going on that vacation before THIS NH wants her removed. What kind of a place is it, and is this now a permanent position or just a ''respite?"
Either way, you have to insist you can't have her any more.
Mercy! What a day! Hope dinner was nice and FIL was pleasant. Hope no further calls came from the new NH.
Maybe the serenase (sp?) will keep her calm. This place ought to have a method for dealing with sundowners. My Mom has sundowners and the staff let her wander as residents' doors were locked and she couldn't get in to bother anyone. She was usually happy to come downstairs to the desk and talk all night (but then she napped during the day). That's when she was started on a mild sleeping pill and the sundowners was put to bed (pun intended). Perhaps leave word with the new place that she can have a sleeping pill if needed.
You tend your cold and get the h**l out of Dodge! Reference is to an old TV western.
We can't leave until TUESDAY now .. Social Security have requested a meeting with Alan .... but we've made an early appointment, so hopefully we can run away right after that ....
The God's are against us having a holiday .. I am certain.
This NH is only respite. MIL must be moved on the 5th October, be it back to home (where I will do a song and dance and rant and rave and quit) or to a stable secure unit, but she cannot stay at this NH indefinately unfortunately.
I ended up going back to the NH twice yesterday .. 1 to drop off the med's and 2 to drop off extra clothes and the new underwear. When I got there the 2nd time, just as I was about to walk up the ramp, who is standing at the front door/window? Yup, MIL !! I reversed, did a flying mad dash around the corner, grabbed my mobile phone and rang the nursing home and said "I'm outside, she's at the door . HELP" So they met me around the back again .. LOL .. from ANOTHER secret door! I tell ya .. it's just like the Big Brother house!!!
I'll ring the nursing home at 9am and see how she went. This lot seem more prepared for her, so that's a bonus, but if she's combative and a risk to the other patients, she will have to be shifted to the hospital and put in a stable doored room ...
She's gone from this HUGE airy complex, to a small confined building and may yet end up in just a room. So sad .. so very very sad.
Sally .. this HAS to be part I of the Permanent Solution ..when the 14 days are up, a place HAS to be found, not back to you. Do what you have to do to get it done. We're all rooting for you.
I'm writing from my daughter's house where I am babysitting overnight.
Well, phooey! Sorry the takeoff is delayed. I will say that one bright glimmer is that MIL isn't at home, so you can at least relax while under that roof.
I know what you mean about the smaller spaces these loved one are confined in. Mother's apartment at the ALF was sunny, spacious (not huge, but really okay), accomodated her living room furniture, a table and 4 dining chairs, her bedroom furniture, and had 2 good closets. 7 months later, after she went out the door at 9pm and had to leave, her next accomodation was a shared room with only her own nightstand, chest of drawers, and a small chair. She didn't even notice. I was so sad for her shrinking world and the little blessing was that she wasn't bothered in the least. I hope MIL is equally unbothered.
As Martha said, whether MIL is bothered or not, she cannot come home. Glad ACAT is fully aware of that now. MIL is properly evaluated and their eyes are more open than BIL would have preferred!! You win!!
Let us know how it continues to go. Hope you can enjoy some fun family outings or activities this weekend. Thoughts are with you!
Well today we're going shopping ... and it's 9.41 .. we won't be visiting FIL until this afternoon on our way out to a friends place where we will sleepover.
I get a sleepover too Martha!!!
I rang the Nursing home, and the report was that MIL was "good and bad" .. good meaning she didn't hit anybody (but pointed THE FINGER - I told them to duck the finger LOL) but was agitated and incontinent and a bit aggressive. A full behaviour change from day to night.
Isn't it amazing? AND she's got no wine, AND her behaviour at night is no different to at home ... <<<blinking eyes>>>
So .. this lot seem Ok with her, she's been wandering in the courtyard garden with her little dog. She bought this tiny stuffed dog last year, that when you squeeze him, he barks. He always sits on the coffee table with her and watches TV, and is often found looking at photographs, or going for various trips around the house. I made sure I packed him, and yes, she likes him a lot. He's her companion. That and her bible.
YES!!! You FINALLY get to REST! Did you shut the phones off?
It is very sad to see someone you love slipping away like that. I see it starting in my MIL now too. Dad will be back from his trip in a few weeks. I'm interested to see if there are any changes in him. But at the same time, I'm dreading it. I know that for people with dementia, change can't be good. They never improve. So sad.......
Gee Sally, I would think that FIL would know not to mess with you anymore! LOL! I hope you all had a very nice dinner with FIL and that he enjoyed his birthday.
Now you relax and take care of those sniffles!
Love, Barb
PS I got the sniffles again too. I got it from a child who sneezed on me (YUK!!! Thank GOD for hand sanitizer!!!) while I was putting him in his car seat on the bus. Either that or I got it from my son Bo. He's sick with the sniffles and a sore throat. But he still insists on going to school and volunteering at our local cable tv station. He's a camera man/director. He's also the assistant to the executive producer. He's planning on going to college to do something in tv, something behind the scenes. He's not quite sure what yet. He does love doing what he's doing though.
I'm a little better this morning - don't sound as much like Lauren Bacall as I did last night! Ta for the medicinal aides and I trust you've partaken of each in the last few days yourself!
Hope your sleepover was a lot of fun and very restorative. Since it's your Sunday, the mini-countdown is 2 days until your escape to the countryside and tomato farm!! Cherish each way you and your family reclaim your lives!!! Shrea, shrea!
Good afternoon! My sleepover was a resounding success, even if Sue and I failed miserably at darts ... the boys ALWAYS win ... I'm just thankful I can hit the round thing .. they keep expecting me to actually purposefully land a dart in a designated number!!
The hide of them! LOL
Anyway .. I HAVEN'T RUNG THE NURSING HOME TODAY .. I will ring tomorrow morning .. today .. I wanted a day OFF of worrying and stressing. BIL is in town. "L" has taken off for a holiday north without him .. so he can do some Dad-Care and we'll figure out Mum-Care tomorrow. BIL is meeting with MIL to get her re-assessed, and this time BIL can't argue with the professionals.
Let's just pray they come through this time and don't send MIL home!!!!!!! FOR HER SAKE as well as everybody else!!
Glad you had fun and games at the sleepover! I know what would improve your aim at darts. Put BIL's picture on the bullseye!!
Hope the elders stay quiet and happy today so you can have the rest of today off. Oh, to be that fly on the wall as ACAT talks with BIL! I couldn't agree more that everything said and done must/should be for MIL's good.
I hope everything goes the way it needs to in order to keep MIL safe and secure in a nice comfy NH. But don't be surprised (as if you would) if BIL tries to make excuses for MIL's behavior. "She's only acting this way because this is an unfamiliar setting for her" or whatever else he can think of.
Of course I don't think ACAT would buy that for one second. They know what you've gone through and what the professionals who are now dealing with her now are going through.
I hope everyone is feeling much better today. I'm still feeling the same.
Sudafed sounds good but is getting to be a bit of a hassle to purchase here due to the regulations on it.
I've never heard of Telfast but I have some Drixoral I forgot I had. That works well for sinuses. When I had bronchitis, I took that and NyQuil at night. I slept almost like a baby.
I'm feeling a little better today. I went to see The Exorcism of Emily Rose. It's based on a true story. I give it four stars!
Oh and yesterday I took our high school girls tennis team to another high school nearby to play in a tennis tournament. It took about 30 minutes to get there and 30 minutes to get back. The rest of the 8 hours I was paid overtime to watch tennis matches! I made over $100 for 1 hour of actual work. I alomst feel guilty. But that's the way they do things. I love driving a school bus!
I am sorry Sally, that I was not here to help you and cheer you up! But, from what I have read, the other wonderful, caring ladies have and are taking good care of you!!!
I hope that you feel better after your sleep over with friends! Hope that it kept your mind off of the very stressing things that have been happening to you and to your family.
I only got to read this thread 1 time while I was gone. So, I was greatly worried about and for you!! We just got back last night.
Yes, do rest up and try to relax when you can! You have been thru so so much!!! I do hope that everything works out like it should. That yall get to go on your vacation and that MIL gets to stay permanently in a NH!!!!! That is what she needs and what you and your family need. It does show everyone, what a trouper you were and are! I do not think anyone else, except a NH could have done what you have done in the past years!!!
I will talk more later, have to unpack and put the house back to order. We had no damage except a few downed tree limbs! I will talk about that on another thread, later.
Keep doing and saying what you want and need, Sally. And stick to your guns!!!
I am so glad you are all right, Wannabe! Great that your house did not get damaged. I hope that was now the LAST of those gosh awful storms for this year ...
