Sally, be sure to be gone if/when MIL is released. BIL will either have to take her home with him or stay with her in your home. Seal the crack so that he HAS to take resposibility. He wanted the power (POA). Along with power comes responsibility. PERIOD!
Put the cell phones on silent. Listen to the voice mails if you wish. But don't respond unless it's an emergency.
You NEED this respite! You and I both have thyroid problems. And you know what stress does to those of us who aren't in perfect health to begin with. Our immunity system isn't always the greatest.
Take care of yourself! That's a DEMAND! (ok, I can't be that harsh so PLEEEEEEZZZZZE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF)!!!!
We make these very strong suggestions because we care about you.
And at the risk of sounding like a mom (oh no!!!!), drink plenty of liquids. Have a hot toddy at bedtime ( would mom say THAT???) and REST REST REST!
And I said "But hang on .. BIL was told by 'nice' nursing home that she could stay a few days" and ACAT said "Well, no, she can't, we have to move her .. and now is a good time"
And then .. I burst out crying. I feel like SUCH a sook (not name calling myself .. just stating the emotion I was feeling) ... now, because today is FIL's birthday, he was organising with Alan about going out for lunch, and we had somewhat relaxed (silly us) into thinking that we had until Monday to figure out the fine details with MIL, but that threw those plans out the window .. well then Alan didn't want to go and move his mother, so I ended up saying "fine, I'll do it" and then ACAT called the Social Worker (G - remember him?) and HE went with ACAT and got MIL. In the meantime, Alan and I dashed out to the new nursing home, and got most of the paperwork filled out. When ACAT and G turned up with MIL, we were hustled out a side door .. where we waited for ACAT and G to come out and tell us how things went.
They did, about 15-20 minutes later. MIL didn't trust ACAT (funny that LOL) but liked G (she's always preferred boys) and HE managed to get her into the car and while she was being re-booked in, he took her out to the garden, which she liked. They then showed her her room, and then ACAT and G left and came out to us.
Now in between all this, FIL is saying "Now, MIL is coming to lunch with us isn't she?" and I totally lost my temper and said a few choice words I'm not allowed to repeat here and hung up on him. The nursing home didn't recommend any family visits or outings for 'a few days' (if at all). He took it quite well when we went to see him after MIL was secure. We're taking him out for dinner tonight instead, and we're surprising him with a friend instead.
So then we went on the Merry-go-round of finding MIL's medications, FOUND THEM, found somebody had ordered Serapax for her, and I had a fit (because she really reacted quite horribly with those) but they've got her on serenase (sp?). The nursing home also got the doctor in virtually IMMEDIATELY (he's great our doctor) and found she's STILL got this huge UTI happening .. so she's going to be on MORE med's as well.
And in the short time she's been at this facility, she's been incontinent of urine AND faeces. She's got no underwear, so I'm about to go shopping for her for them .. and the facility is INSISTING she wears pads ..
THANK HEAVENS !!!
So ........... for now ................ at this moment of time ..............before night falls .. she's happy'ish. We dropped off her meds' a moment ago, and the staff said she was in the group, happy as larry, singing songs (she warbles, no words), that she's letting them toilet and wash her .. and for the moment, she seems ok.
We'll wait until the sundowning thing happens .. then we'll see.
Mercy! What a day! Hope dinner was nice and FIL was pleasant. Hope no further calls came from the new NH.
Maybe the serenase (sp?) will keep her calm. This place ought to have a method for dealing with sundowners. My Mom has sundowners and the staff let her wander as residents' doors were locked and she couldn't get in to bother anyone. She was usually happy to come downstairs to the desk and talk all night (but then she napped during the day). That's when she was started on a mild sleeping pill and the sundowners was put to bed (pun intended). Perhaps leave word with the new place that she can have a sleeping pill if needed.
You tend your cold and get the h**l out of Dodge! Reference is to an old TV western.
We can't leave until TUESDAY now .. Social Security have requested a meeting with Alan .... but we've made an early appointment, so hopefully we can run away right after that ....
The God's are against us having a holiday .. I am certain.
This NH is only respite. MIL must be moved on the 5th October, be it back to home (where I will do a song and dance and rant and rave and quit) or to a stable secure unit, but she cannot stay at this NH indefinately unfortunately.
I ended up going back to the NH twice yesterday .. 1 to drop off the med's and 2 to drop off extra clothes and the new underwear. When I got there the 2nd time, just as I was about to walk up the ramp, who is standing at the front door/window? Yup, MIL !! I reversed, did a flying mad dash around the corner, grabbed my mobile phone and rang the nursing home and said "I'm outside, she's at the door . HELP" So they met me around the back again .. LOL .. from ANOTHER secret door! I tell ya .. it's just like the Big Brother house!!!
I'll ring the nursing home at 9am and see how she went. This lot seem more prepared for her, so that's a bonus, but if she's combative and a risk to the other patients, she will have to be shifted to the hospital and put in a stable doored room ...
She's gone from this HUGE airy complex, to a small confined building and may yet end up in just a room. So sad .. so very very sad.
Well, phooey! Sorry the takeoff is delayed. I will say that one bright glimmer is that MIL isn't at home, so you can at least relax while under that roof.
I know what you mean about the smaller spaces these loved one are confined in. Mother's apartment at the ALF was sunny, spacious (not huge, but really okay), accomodated her living room furniture, a table and 4 dining chairs, her bedroom furniture, and had 2 good closets. 7 months later, after she went out the door at 9pm and had to leave, her next accomodation was a shared room with only her own nightstand, chest of drawers, and a small chair. She didn't even notice. I was so sad for her shrinking world and the little blessing was that she wasn't bothered in the least. I hope MIL is equally unbothered.
As Martha said, whether MIL is bothered or not, she cannot come home. Glad ACAT is fully aware of that now. MIL is properly evaluated and their eyes are more open than BIL would have preferred!! You win!!
Let us know how it continues to go. Hope you can enjoy some fun family outings or activities this weekend. Thoughts are with you!
Well today we're going shopping ... and it's 9.41 .. we won't be visiting FIL until this afternoon on our way out to a friends place where we will sleepover.
I get a sleepover too Martha!!!
I rang the Nursing home, and the report was that MIL was "good and bad" .. good meaning she didn't hit anybody (but pointed THE FINGER - I told them to duck the finger LOL) but was agitated and incontinent and a bit aggressive. A full behaviour change from day to night.
Isn't it amazing? AND she's got no wine, AND her behaviour at night is no different to at home ... <<<blinking eyes>>>
So .. this lot seem Ok with her, she's been wandering in the courtyard garden with her little dog. She bought this tiny stuffed dog last year, that when you squeeze him, he barks. He always sits on the coffee table with her and watches TV, and is often found looking at photographs, or going for various trips around the house. I made sure I packed him, and yes, she likes him a lot. He's her companion. That and her bible.
YES!!! You FINALLY get to REST! Did you shut the phones off?
It is very sad to see someone you love slipping away like that. I see it starting in my MIL now too. Dad will be back from his trip in a few weeks. I'm interested to see if there are any changes in him. But at the same time, I'm dreading it. I know that for people with dementia, change can't be good. They never improve. So sad.......
Gee Sally, I would think that FIL would know not to mess with you anymore! LOL! I hope you all had a very nice dinner with FIL and that he enjoyed his birthday.
Now you relax and take care of those sniffles!
PS I got the sniffles again too. I got it from a child who sneezed on me (YUK!!! Thank GOD for hand sanitizer!!!) while I was putting him in his car seat on the bus. Either that or I got it from my son Bo. He's sick with the sniffles and a sore throat. But he still insists on going to school and volunteering at our local cable tv station. He's a camera man/director. He's also the assistant to the executive producer. He's planning on going to college to do something in tv, something behind the scenes. He's not quite sure what yet. He does love doing what he's doing though.