OK ... From my panic of ringing the nursing home at 12.45 and finding MIL STILL not there, I rang ACAT and blubbered and stressed all over the phone. ACAT rang me back (We'll call her C) and said "don't panic!"
Easier said than done of course .. but OK .. I'll listen.
She told me she had rung Day Care the other day and told them her plans. They informed her that MIL won't be able to stay at Day Care much longer, because she's showing some challenging behaviour and wandering off.
!
So, because of this behaviour, C thought it best to leave MIL at Day Care until JUST before the bus leaves to take them home, so she would pop in and give MIL a lift ...
So ... C apologised for not informing me of the updates, and came around to the house and got the medical forms and the $ so I don't have to go out there again.
PHEW! Now FIL is stalking me on the mobile, I daresay he wants to know what's happening, but C is going to ring me after she's left MIL and tell me how it went
I feel so weepy and teary ... because ACAT are going to do their damndest to KEEP MIL .. that she SHOULDN'T come home AT ALL. They have confirmation from uninterested parties, that MIL is a danger to herself even when she's WITH people ... the 3 wanderings last week double confirm it ...
So .. an update soon I hope ..... and fingers crossed that the Nursing home don't refuse her (they do have the right) and that BIL doesn't go and get her to 'save' her (I don't think he will, but it wouldn't surprise me), because C said if he does that, then MIL will have to live with him because Sally is burnt out and exhausted. She's concerned about MY mental health LOL ...
I know that this is hard on you - mentally! I bet you will be exhausted after today. It sounds like ACAT is doing their darndest to get MIL in respite and to keep her in a NH!! I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you.
And they are really looking out for you too. I think that they can tell from your voice, that you are about to give out!!! If I were you, I would not call FIL until she is in the NH.
I think that is interesting that the Adult Day Care did not tell you about MILs doings - like wandering and not getting along. Do you think they told BIL and he just did not want to inform you? Oh well - it sounds like this respite came at a very good time! Maybe the ball will be kept rolling!!!
Take care and rest, rest, rest. Also relax and sleep. :>
MIL is IN THE NURSING HOME ... (cheering, waving, balloons and streamers)
C took her, and explained why this was happening. MIL wasn't sure about exactly WHAT was happening, but C is quite sure she understood (ok .. maybe my pessimism(sp?) is too strong at the moment) and when C was about to leave, MIL picked up her purse. The Nurse said "Your staying here for your holiday love" and steered her in another direction.
The theory is: A bed will come up in the next two weeks. We don't even care what kind of bed it is (high care or low care), preferably in the dementia specific wing (where I play .. which means I probably couldn't? I don't know). If a bed comes up and the nursing home believe MIL should stay for her own safety, then ACAT will back them up on that. It will be interesting to see what's going to eventuate.
So .... today I:
Stripped the wet bed and remade it. Tomorrow I'll strip it again and put it out in the SUN !!!!
Mopped the kitchen floor with disinfectant
Found some of MIL's 'soiled' clothes, and caught up with HER washing. I also washed some blankets, and the bathroom mats (cause they stunk bad) ...
Downstairs smells reasonable at the moment .. !! It's had a good airing, wipe down and clean out ...
Oh .. and I found bacon in a cupboard, well and truly stashed with maggots having a wonderful time (I KNEW I could smell off food somewhere) ... AND I found 2 1/2 bottles of white wine in a kitchen drawer. I sent her chocolate with her, and I'll drop in some treats for her before we go, she likes her nibblies.
I AM exhausted and it's only 5.38pm!! It's been a LONG day. FIL isn't sounding too happy with MIL in the nursing home, as I said before, he's suspicious and wary of what's going to happen. Of course, I think this responds to him maybe having to sell the house to get MIL into proper care .. which is sad that her safety comes down to his ownership of a house .. but that's his problem.
ACAT are very proud of me. They say I am 'blossoming' in my independence and I am gaining strength each day. I said BIL still scares the willy's out of me when he's on a tirade, and a tirade will happen if MIL is kept in the nursing home, but I do believe if he started on me I could tell him where to go and walk away.
I would probably be shaking, and highly likely crying .. but I could walk away. 6 months ago I stood in front of him and took it all .. not anymore -
So ... except for the odd phone calls to check how she's going .. I have two weeks off. ACAT asked if I was going to pop in before we go away next week, and I said NO, I don't think it's a good idea, because she might expect to come home with us and that could cause a problem. She said "Good thinking girl!!!" .... LOL .. FIL expects us to visit daily .. that's not a happening event.
Oh Sally your blood pressurew must have gne through the roof today ..I hope you will now try to relax, not worry about next week but just chill out.
Of course to FIL the world is tumbling down around his ears. He is in a nursing hme, but until now had the illusion that his wife was safe at home with you and your family, and would be for the rest of her life, which will probably be longer than his.
Now, he is confronted with the total cancellation of his plan. She will not go home again; you wil leave, he will have to sell the house to finance his own and his wife's nursing homes. I understand he is in a panic.
BUT ...YOU have been putting up with impossible conditions for more than a year and you cannot and will not do it any longer! So even though it forces all his plans to change, it is happening and there is no way to stop it. Let BIL rant and rave, but you are off the hook.
What a sad situation for everyone .. neither of them wanted to get sick. I don't know how you put up with it this long, but go now, and enjoy the rest of your life in peace and happiness. You have earned enough points to last a lifetime ...
Glory be!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are free!!!!!!!!!! You are on holiday!!!!!!!!!
MIL is safe from harm and from herself (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and thanks to you! I'd like to be a fly on the wall to see how MIL is doing.
Good for you, girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with Martha's analysis of FIL's motives, but I see an additional wrinkle. I think he feels with MIL in the house, he can come home again. That's it in a nutshell - he planned to come home. With the house empty, sold, rented, or with BIL's lot in residence, he's stuck in the NH for the rest of his days. If your family moves away, the caring people will be gone. That's sad. Even though he's made himself a royal pain, that's sad. But for 2 weeks - that's his business!
Can ACAT over-rule the family about MIL's care and safety if BIL tries to cause trouble? Love that C said MIL would have to live with BIL! Wouldn't you like to see L's face if she ever gets that news??!!
Sounds like you've done well in the post-imposter clean-up and clean-out. Spread out in the house for the next little while and enjoy the elbow room!
Hugs of happiness! Barbara
p.s. how did she do the first night?? Call and ask - they expect that!
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