looking for a nursing home - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Martha H · 09-28-2005, 01:13 PM

Well it has come to the dreaded solution. Bill was at the rehab again today. Mom was in such pain during the therapy that she threw up all over herself. She gave up. Bill said there is not much of Mom left.

Last week under the morphine she was strong willed and determined to 'get through this.' Now after 3 attempts she gave up. She would rather spend her life in a wheelchair than have to go through this pain. I can't stop crying writing this.

Bill gave me the assignment of investigateng nursing homes here in IN where they should be cheaper, Elsie is supposed to look around in Ohio. I enlisted the help of Jenny's MIL who used to be a Public Health Nurse here in Elkhart County.

She knows which places are good, and also has names and phone numbers.

We will get Mom a place, move her here, and I will visit her whenever I can and try to cheer her up ... it is not going to be long now .., I have a feeling that once a person gives up, the end is near.

Jenny missed her connecting flight in London and got to Germany hours late ...she fell asleep at heathrow and missed the call. It was 4 AM our time. She called from her dad's house just as I was out grocery shopping, but left a message.

Love to all,

Martha

WannaBeFreeToRoam · 09-28-2005, 01:43 PM

Hi Martha,

I am sorry about your mom. I do not understand why they do not give pain meds when someone is doing physical therapy. I think that I would give up too!

I know that you are very worried about your mom. But try to remember that she has had a long life and is now in pain and not enjoying her life. I hope that yall find the perfect NH and if not in your state, then you can go and visit her in Ohio? - if your sister does look. Try not to worry. I know, better said than done!!!

Come and talk as often as you need to vent and cry!!!!!!!!!! Love, Wannabe

Martha H · 09-28-2005, 02:00 PM

Thanks Wannbe..they did give her a pill before therapy. It is called Percodan and may be the reason for her nausea. But it doesn't kill this kind of pain. I wish they would let her rest for a week and then start again. That would possibly help her.

I am determined to find a nice place near me. if she goes to Ohio that's not too far either, I'll visit her there.

We''ll do whatever we have to do. Bill is right that a less costly NH wolud make her money last longer.

Beginning · 09-28-2005, 03:54 PM

It sounds like you and your family have been a real roller coaster of ups and downs. It's heartbreaking that she would be in so much pain without any relief. While understanding that pain is associated with rehab, it does seem that there should be better ways to handle her physical therapy with meds if she wants to become mobile again. For cryin out loud, are they afraid that she'd get addicted to the pain meds that could help her at this point??? GRRRRR.

Based on my family experiences, there does come a time when people seem to sense that the struggle is coming to an end. If your Mom needs lots of pain meds, lovely music, perfumed lotion, flowers, a fluffy blanket, happy stories & beautiful surroundings for awhile instead of pushing & pulling & more pain, it seems that this isn't too much to ask at the end of such a long life!!! From your postings it's clear that she has been a wonderfuly lady & a great Mom. Your family is lucky to have had her as its heart.

LuvMyLilDoggie · 09-28-2005, 04:15 PM

Oh Martha, I am so sorry. Maybe if they gave her at least a couple of days rest, she be willing to try again. Or maybe if she comes to Indiana or Ohio and gets to see you and Elsie more, that will raise her spirits.

I agree totally with Beginning. Your family is blessed to have your mom in the center. My mom was 67 when she died. But age doesn't matter. Your mom is your mom. It still hurts to see her give up.

Who knows what lies in store for her? One never knows with dementia. A few day's rest and she may forget that she was in pain or threw up. If they change her pain meds to something less harsh on the stomach, she may be willing to try.

We'll keep praying and giving you lots of cyber hugs.

Love, Barb