Mom had a good day . The Rehab put on a Halloween Party, and Mom loves a party. Nurses and Aides wore costumes. Mom had fun.
I'm glad she is in this nice place, and hope she can remain there when rehabilitation is over, since it is also a nursing home (in another, connected building.) My sister still continues to say "Mom will soon be released and go back to B's house," but the rest of us don't think so. Too many stairs, not enough help or supervision.
She also had her hair cut recently by someone who comes in, nails done, etc. I have a good feeling that they really are doing a good job there.
Isn't it GREAT you get these good reports? It makes you feel you and Bill have done the right thing.
Let's just ignore Moo eh? Let her waffle on .. you and Bill know the truth.
My MIL is having a ball at her place too, with regular manicures and hair dressing .. she's thriving .. and I'm sure you'll find in your Mum's limited time too, she will have good days (thriving) and bad days (slipping) ...
Glad to hear that your mom is doing well. It always makes you feel good to have your hair done! When is her rehab going to be done? No time table? Or, just whenever they feel she is as far as she can go in learning how to do things?
It would be nice if you did not have to move your mom. That is so hard on AD patients/relatives!
I hope you are doing well, too.
And Sally, I hope you are doing well and thriving in your work/learning. I do not think that I could ever be a nurse! I am sure that you make a great one and will love it, by the sound of you!! :>
We are having the usual controversy with our sister. Both Bill and I agree that Mom needs to stay where she is - when the rehab is all done (I don't know if there's a set date) she should go across to the other building, and remain in this NH. She is adjusting to her new life style there, and seems to have some happy days, other days she is not unhappy just 'out of it' ..withdrawn.
The other sister believes Mom is almost ready to go 'home' to live with my brother as she did before her fall. Well, he and I can't imagine her ever going to live in that house again - too many stairs, and not at all built for the needs of a person in a wheelchair or using a walker. And then there is the incontinence issue .. Mom has been in diapers for 2 months and I can't imagine she will regain any of the partial continence she had before (it was already a problem 5 months ago, when I lived with her ) ..
Since Bill has her POA and makes all major decisions, she will simply stay where she is, and when all her money is spent for this care, she goes on Medicaid. Ths is a pretty good nursing home. No bad smells, they are concerned with your daily care and feelings, I have not seen her neglected or mistreated in any way. YET, my sister recently told me she has to call every night (from OHIO) and after talking to Mom she has to hang up, call the desk, tell them to bring Mom a drink of the special thickened water she gets, and then calls Mom back to make sure the water got there. THREE calls from Ohio to NY to get Mom a drink of water!
These calls began after E visited NY for one long weekend, and she blamed the NH for all of Mom's troubles. The UTI was because she didn't get enough water. The diapers were because they were too lazy to take her to the bathroom. The weird neurological symptoms were because they wrongly gave her a certain type of pain killer. So now E is the far off watchdog. She pays for a bedside phone so she can check on Mom every day to make sure she is getting proper care. The fact that Bill is there in person every other day and can see with his own eyes that Mom is OK does not move her a bit.
Bill and I laugh at her most of the time: she tells us 'they forgot to take Mom to the church service on Sunday afternoon again!' and we say, 'that's what Mom told her, but she was probably there, just doesn't remember.' Since E refuses to believe Mom has dementia, she believes everything Mom tells her. What a joke.
I'm glad we have gone from being outraged to laughing at her ..that's progress....
Last edited by Martha H; 11-01-2005 at 03:20 AM.
More email came in from my sister: she had a long phone conversation with Mom and Mom remembered thngs everyone else has forgotton, that's how smart and alert she is ... no dementia at all, what are we thinking? Mom complained to her (supposedly) that I kept telling her my daughter has TWO children, when she already knew that .. Mom told her (supposedly) that Martha keeps forgetting everything (classic freudian projection) ..
It was so annoying that I think I will not read her emails any more. It is useless to argue back, she always knows everyting better, and is stubborn as a rock.
She says if Mom ever appears confused, it is only because she gets no stimuation in that place. When I lived with Mom in Astoria, E said Mom only appears to be confused because of OVERstimulation from too much TV and going out to the senior center. There is always some excuse, Mom is never really demented. I know from calls to Astoria that E does 99% of the talking, then says "Mom remembered this Mom remembered that." Yes, after she just told her!
It is so unrealistic, and she fully expects Mom to get well and walk out of there to return to Bill's house .No mention is ever made of mom going to live at HER house ...
This is where your common sense and logic kick in. Moo just keeps contradicting herself at every turn just so she can believe her mother isn't what is obvious.
Sounds like 'you know who' alot doesn't she?
I guess it's because of the ugliness of the situation. Our parents aren't supposed to turn into our children. They are supposed to be wise and clever and have all the answers to lifes problems, and when this horrific disease hits them, they can't live up to expectations.
Most of us see the reality of the disease, and as much as we hate it, we endeavour to keep our Mum's and Dad's as safe as we possibly can. After all, they looked after us, so why can't it be our turn to look after them.
But there is this band of human beings that live on our earth who don't want to do that. They want their parent to be the grown up. They want to know there is a grown up who will always be there for them. They're not prepared to take their turn.
And, from the sounds of things, there's one in every family.
So take heart that you and your brother are realists and only want what's best for your Mum, and that SHE is one of those people who still need a wiser grown up to fall back on.
And I still say she shows delusions of AD at a relatively early age. LOL
Since my dad got AD, he denies anything that is so OBVIOUSLY wrong! He denied that anything was wrong with his house. We have one outside wall in the garage that is disintegrating so badly that the back door is falling apart. The frame has broken apart and my 13 pound dog can crawl through the holes. And dad denies there's anything wrong!
Do you think E might be having the same problem herself? Or do you think she's just like the one Sally mentioned (I think I'll call IT Oink since Moo is already taken!)?
Yup ..they all have something. I think it's Massive Denial and Inabilty to Face Reality Syndrome! All the Oinks and Moos in this world make life so much harder for those of us who painfully accept the inevitable ...
Greetings to all from Jenny's house where I am child-minding overnight. Jenny won 2 tickets to a "Ten Tenors" concert, and the young people have gone there. It's in South Bend. I just got the boys to bed.
Mercy! It's good we can meet here to keep each other company when the oinks and moos try their darnedest to make us crazy. HA! We'll do just fine in spite of their nonsense. The best defense is to live happily and well anyway!
Have fun with the grandsons and may they sleep peacefully through the night!
Well, I do not have an Oink! or a Moo!, that I know of - yet! The closest that I have to that, is my mother - and she has AD too, now! She says that my dad is doing so well, and he can do this and he can do that. But, I have never seen him do as much, or what she says. She also tells people that he is in the beginning stages of AD, when it is she, that is at the start or further!
Martha, I like your "Massive Denial and Inability to Face Reality Syndrome. That is my mom, most of the time. Then, when she or he has a bad day, she will drop her guard a little, and talk like he is really ill!
Good Luck with your Oinks! and Moos! But, they probably will not change. Just sort of put them to the back of your minds, except, when you have to bring them back out for your relatives sake!
Bill visited Mom yesterday and again took her outdoors in the wheel chair for some fresh air. He told me they now give her a 'soft diet' which is a great improvment over 'pureed'. The food actually looks like real food. He said Mom eats well and the nausea and vomiting have stopped. But she is still getting 'therapy' for chewing and swallowing. There is a chance that at the time of her fall - after , or even before! - she suffered a small stroke too. That might explain some of the neurological symptoms. It also gives us hope that they may improve.
B and A, along with son and DIL (the baby stayed with her Aunt) are on their way to a wedding in FL, A's niece, the one with MS. I hope they enjoy it and do not think of or worry about Mom for a few days. They return Monday night. It's in Rockledge, FL.
Although E keeps telling me how much Mom loves and waits for her daily call, I have not reached Mom on her new bedside phone, ever. I believe she just lets it ring. She can't be out of the room ALL the time ... E also brought her the CD player with earphones .. maybe she's plugged into that, and all else is not heard. It's really OK since I get many reports per week on her condition, and I know she is in good hands there. I miss her, but I know that if I call once a day or once a month, she won't know anything about it the next day ...
Before all the good barnyard noises are gone, can I just reserve "Baaaa" for my SIL? She and my DH are the only surviving siblings of my SIL with AD. Baaaa lives in another part of the country, has visited SIL ONCE in the last three years, keeps promising to have SIL up to stay, but somehow that always gets delayed, or turned magically into a five day stay instead of the promised month. (Baaaa has had her to stay just once, and argued with her non-stop - she does not/will not get how to talk to her sister no matter how many times we try to get it across). Meanwhile my DH is running himself ragged looking after SIL.
A sample telephone conversation:
Baaaa rings SIL:
Baaaa: "How was the weather today?" (we have told her not to ask open-ended questions. SIL gets really stressed because she hasn't a clue what the answer is and then is compelled to make something up)
SIL: "Oh, it rained all day and I couldn't go outside"
Baaaa: "Don't be ridiculous, I saw the weather report and it said sunny all day"
SIL: (starts getting upset) "Well, it rained here!!!!"
Baaaa: "It didn't!!! I'm telling you I saw the report!!!!"
SIL: "Well I live here and I should know!!!!! It rained ALL DAY!!!!!
Baaaa: "I don't know why you try to be so difficult!!! IT'S TUESDAY!!!! THE SUN SHONE ALL DAY!!!!" (now, this is news to SIL, who never has a clue which day it is, we even got a clock which shows in really big letters what day it is, but she forgets to look at it, up until now she thought it was Sunday, so she gets more upset}
SIL: "But it can't be Tuesday!!! I need to go to the doctor on Tuesday and I haven't been!!!"
Anyway, you get the picture, the call deteriorates even further, SIL ends up in tears and is upset for days (which we get to hear about, you know, like 25 times, as you do) and also now thinks she missed a doctor's appointment (which she didn't). She cannot understand why her sister is so mean to her.
Meanwhile, Baaaa calls my DH, says she just had a really unpleasant conversation with SIL AGAIN. Why is SIL trying to be so difficult? Anyway, under the circumstances, she doesn't think it will be a good idea for SIL to come and stay after all, since they just had a fight and SIL just yelled at her.
This is all so sad because they used to be really close sisters.
So now I've staked my claim to "Baaaa" anybody have an "Eey Or" they want to out?
Yes, the phone conversation sounds so familiar .. this was how Mom spoke to people on the phone for the last year or more that I was with her - making up things if the actual activities of the day were forgotten - except, those people didn't accelerate the argument but just 'got it!' Her sister, my Aunt, for example, asked Mom, "how are E and J ?" just a week after Mom returned from the once yearly visit ... ( 3 weeks and not the 'whole month' promised to me) and Mom said "I have no idea. I haven't seen them since last summer." That was when her sister , who is 91, realized what was happening, and after that hardly ever called. But she sends a lot of nice cards, usually containing pressed flowers that crumble and fall out and Mom doesn't see them at all ...but I digress....
Yes, your SIL knows how to provoke, start a fire, and look for sympathy instead of putting it out.
Too bad! But, you know, I would have said my sister and I were really close too, before this trouble with Mom began. But, looking back and being more realistic, I see that for every 10 letters I wrote (pre email) I might get one in return, and that one didn't address the issues I had brought up .. and when I returned to this country after many many years overseas, I was not invited one single time to come to their house ... a couple of times when I was in the midwest to visit my daughter, we all came down and said hello, but it was J's initiative, never Moo's .. and the most recent time she 'called us off' the day before our proposed 4 hour drive to see them, because she 'was expecting her daughter the next day'. As it turned out her daughter came a week later.
So, maybe when we are in a crisis like Alzheimers in the family, we see who is really a friend and helper and who is just hot air and farmyard noises. Moo, Oink, EEyore, and Baa will have a hard time finding help when they need it later in life, because you get what you give .. and they are experts at taking and never giving back.
Last edited by Martha H; 11-05-2005 at 04:40 PM.
I feel sort of left out - I have no one to name a barnyard animal. Even though we do have cows on one side and horses and other animals on the other.
Down our road, we have goats, cows, horses, miniature horses, chickens, and of course, lots of dogs and cats. All I have to do is drive into town on our road and I will see my baa, moo, and eeyor (or heehaw). Not oinks for now! And I do not have the bothersome person to go with the names! Hopefully I will not ever, except for the fuss that my parents put up sometimes (not on really purpose), mostly because of their illnesses and too much togetherness with me!
I do hope that your animals will somehow turn into real people in the future?! No hope? But, it is very funny to joke around - it makes us all feel better! So, if you can laugh because a relative is not a nice person, more the better for you! Just try to blow them off!!!