LuvMyLilDoggie

I remember that look in my grandpa's (dad's dad's) eyes. He had AD too. There was one time in particular that I recall to this day 15 years after his death.

My uncle and aunt were my grandparent's caregivers. There was no one else who lived near them. My dad and his brothers and sisters would take turns driving the 300 miles every weekend to give my aunt and uncle a break. One uncle got into an argument with my grandma and decided he wasn't going to visit them anymore. So I jumped in and took his place so it would be easier for the rest of my aunts and uncles. I drove the 300 miles each way every 5 weeks. Once after a weekend visit, I was in my car getting ready to back out of their driveway when my grandpa stepped in front of my car. He gave me that look. I looked at him for quite a few seconds. That instant, I remember thinking that grandpa's eyes looked like cloudy marbles. But I saw deeper into them the look of a lost, sad and confused child. He didn't know who I was but he knew I was someone important to him. And for whatever reason, I knew that I had to remember that moment.

It hurt me terribly to see that look in his eyes. But strangely enough, I'm grateful that I took the time to study that look as much as it hurt me to do so. Now that he's gone from this earth, I can remember that look with love. Remembering that look has also helped me to have more compassion for my dad because I know what's to come.

I know it hurts like h-e-double hockeysticks. I would never wish that look on anyone.

Unfortunately, you're probably right about anouther step in this disease. And eventually she won't be angry about the car anymore.

Love, Barb

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