Today my brother was told that a vacancy has come up in one of the other buildings at Mom's Nursing HOme, one of the non physical therapy buildings. Since Mom was discontinued from P Therapy on Dec 21, she has been on a waitng list for a Nursing Home Only bed.
This is a single room, but after discussing it with my sister by phone and later with me by e-mail (I was baby sitting my sick grandson all day) Bill decided to make the switch. Mom had earlier said she does not want to be alone in a room. But the next person on the waiting list is her current room mate, so if she was moved, Mom would be alone anyhow until a new PT patient came in, and who knows if she would get along with her.
Bill said the vacancy is in one of the 'better' buildings ..not the one where all the 'vacant faces' live . I guess he refers to a Dementia Unit where Mom will NOT be put. The only dangerous thing about her dementia was wandering off and night wandering around the house - but since being confined to a wheelchair, there is no danger at all of that ever happening again. She waits peacefully in her bed until someone comes to take her somewhere.
Sooo, she will now be near the center hall where all the various activites are held, and Bill hopes to make arrangements with the new nursing staff to make sure they wheel Mom over there for any and every event that takes place. When he visits, he always finds out what is going on and makes sure someone takes her there, or takes her himself. He still goes there 3 or 4 times a week. (Amazing!)
My sister agreed. A room alone is not so terrible, especially when you have no idea what kind of a roommmate you may get .. someone who doesn't communicate at all, or one who talks day and night ...
This is now her final move, so it's a hard feeling for me .. it is now certain she will never go home to Bill's house, never learn to walk enough to go out of the NH for an outing, etc. I hope they fix up her new room nicely and she feels happy there ... this is the ending none of us wanted, but the one that just happened due to the fall and broken femur. Yet the NH turned out to be far happier place than any of us dared to hope for.
I hope to go and see here there in the near future. I have a major trip (to Germany) coming up in March, but after that no plans, and hope to spend time in NY every couple of months to cheer her up and give Bill a break. Mom is 97 years old. When my Dad died 28 years ago I didn't think Mom would last long without him! Amazing.
Well Mom has been moved. She hated leaving the room where she's been for 4 months. It's a single room and very empty and depressing. No TV, radio or phone or pictures or curtains. Apparently the patient has to provide all that.
Blll called me just after he got Mom introduced to some of the other residents. He had told them yesterday that she was coming and , bless their hearts, one of them said "I hear you play the harmonica." Sure enougjh, Bill had made sure she had it on her, and she began to play. So Mom has 3 new friends, who invited her to eat at their table.
Now he's off shopping for curtains, hanging hooks so he can bring in some of her favorite pictures from home, including the huge enlargement of her family - taken in 1928, of herself, her sister, 2 brothers, and her parents all dressed up in their flapper type clothes. It is about 2 by 3 feet large. Mom will be able to see that, even half blind as she is. He's also getting a phone line put in (at the patients' expense, even though the place charges $11,000 a month!!) and will bring in her TV and Radio from home.
He also has to buy hangers for her clothes which are now in her own closet (in Rehab they were kept outside the room somewhere and a nurse brought her something to wear each day .. I don't know why it is different here .. Mom is not capable of making choices.)
Good news is that there are 5 patients to each nurse's aid here, not 10.
The room overlooks a covered porch or balcony so is less sunny .. but there was really no choice. The Rehab needed beds for new patients and these had to go. Her ex room mate Ann also got put somewhere else - maybe they will find each other again.
Bill said this was the hardest transition since she left Astoria .. and I was there that day, it was an ocean of tears from all 3 of us.
Mom never really thought she would stay there as a nursing home patient but would walk, get up and down stairs, and go home. Now she may believe she is staying there forever, but on the other hand, she can't remember things from day to day so even this change of scene will soon be forgotten and the new place accepted.....
I feel sad because she felt so sad. This was not what any of us wanted...
(((hugs))) for you, of course. It's not what you wanted for your mother, but it's okay. Your sweet mother made friends in her former area at rehab and she's already begun making friends in her new area. She's probably less bothered by this change than you and Bill are. Soon her room will look more cozy and have things in it that will welcome her. She'll be fine.
Open a little wine to toast the long life of your kind and sweet Mom. If there's room, dance a polka! Let yourself be happy that your dear mother is safe and sound, secure, and well cared for. Let yourself be happy that you are in your dear home, with things around you that connect you to wonderful people, places, and memories, and that your beloved kids near and far are doing well. Best, your sweet grandsons were tucked into bed by you just last night or a few nights before!! How sweet it is!!
You are right. Mom will be OK. Bill just told me she really thinks she will get up one day and walk home to his house. So it's not the NH 'placement' that is worrying her. She just misses the old double room and Ann.
In other words the adjustment to the Rehab was a huge success! She made friends and enjoyed it so much that she now misses it. Many of the activities include patients from all 4 buildings, so she will see some of those 'old friends' again if they are still there. Her REALLY old friends from Astoria have dropped out of sight. One tried to call a few times, but Mom was never in her room so she gave up. A few sent Xmas cards to Bill's address.
Mom is on the last leg of her race, in my opinion .. and I hope she adjusts well to the new 'temporary' accomodation until she gets to her real home.
Meanwhile my little grandson is somewhat better, still coughing and fever, but not as high as yesterday. We had snow on and off all day, but I forced myself to walk down to the library (about 4 blocks each way) just for the exercise and a change of scene. Also took out the car and got my weekly shopping done. I still love my new little town!
Bill says he had an emotionally exhausting day. He is bearing the brunt of Mom's illness now.
But I can only add, it's nothing like being at home 24 hours a day with an AD patient .. that is never ending exhaustion ...
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