Pneumonia - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Martha H · 01-26-2006, 04:38 PM

Mom has had a cough for a few days, and today the new doctor in charge of the new unit she is in examined her and thinks she has pneumonia.

This could be serious in a 97 year old inactive wheelchair patient. it is scary.

Yet she has reached 97.

Mom had a pneumonia vaccine; I wonder if she can still get it?

Mixed feelings again today including a little guilt - if I had stayed in NY, maybe none of all this would habe happened..

love,

Martha

needtoescape · 01-26-2006, 05:59 PM

Martha,
Please don't feel guilty, even a little bit. You know that we can never really know "what if". We all just have to do the best we can, make the best decisions we can considering the big picture of our lives and the lives of our families. Try to talk to yourself about this the way you would talk to us. What would you tell a friend here if they were in your shoes and feeling guilty?

I don't know how good the pneumonia vaccines are. Are they doing a chest x-ray to see? Keep us posted.

N2E

BarbaraH · 01-27-2006, 06:48 AM

Oh, sweet Martha,

Although pneumonia is a danger for the very elderly, it's being treated, so all that can be done is being done. Pneumonia has different causes, so maybe this germ isn't one that the vaccine targeted or maybe she'll have a lighter case because of the vaccine.

IF you'd stayed in NYC, your mother could have fallen down the steps in her building; she could have wandered away in the hours between when you left for work and the aide arrived - or burned the place down in that free time. There are endless possibile sad, bad, scary, and dangerous things that could have happened even with you there. A few did happen!!

We do know your Mom has been safe, happy, warm, well fed, and well liked where she is and while you were where you are now.

NO GUILT!!!! You did the right and only thing in moving to IN. Prayers for your mother starting. Wine tonight as another grateful celebration for her long life and sweet spirit!

(((((((((hugs))))))))) Barbara

barbaric_yawp · 01-27-2006, 08:19 AM

No guilt! It sounds like you are a loving person who is a wonderful caregiver. You are with her as much as possible, you do allot for her. My mom lives four hours from me but i have a 2yr old and am struggling with personal issues (depression). I feel so bad that I am not there more for her, but I know she loves me, and is in good hands right now. I try to balance these thoughts with the guilt I feel.

ditto on the hugs,
b.y

LuvMyLilDoggie · 01-27-2006, 11:05 AM

Many hugs and well wishes to you and your mom. It sounds like they caught it early enough. That's really good. And remember, your mom has pulled out of situations before that you thought she wouldn't.

Barbara said the thing that came to my head when I read your post. If you had stayed with mom, many horrible things could have happened. And then where would you be? Still feeling guilty. I think guilt is a feeling that we must teach ourselves to avoid. It's second nature to us caregivers. It's really very difficult for us to not place some blame on ourselves for the bad things that happen to our charges. But what about the good things? We tend to forget to give ourselves a pat on the back when we've done good. Or to remember that not everything is our fault. Things happen and sometimes there's just nothing we can do about it. It's no wonder we get depressed and burned out. The expectations in caregiving (and other aspects of our lives) that we place upon ourselves is enormous. We wouldn't do that to our worst enemy (well, I AM doing it to my sister!

). But that's a novel in itself.

Off to the couch I go. Whatever this bug is I have is getting worse. I feel like I'm on fire......

Love, Barb