I know most of you have lots more experience in this than I....that is, in dealing with family and friends who want to deny that anything is happening. I know how frustrated it makes me now - when there is very little that anyone else can see besides hubby and I. I can't imagine how furious it will make me when I am dealing with more serious dementia symptoms and people still act like nothing is wrong. And they act acusatory towards me - like I am embarrasing hubby and magnifying the problems. The truth is, that at this point, hubby is scared and looking for support too. He can discuss what is happening now. When it gets to the point that it would upset him, I won't discuss it in front of him. But right now, we'd both like a little understanding from our friends/family about what is happening.
These are some of the comments that have gotten me hot...
"If he is being tested for dementia, then I better be tested too"...I wanted to scream - if you were really experiencing the same types of symptoms you WOULD be being tested too. We wouldn't be spending hundreds of dollars and many many hours of testing if this weren't really serious...
"There's nothing wrong with your memory". Oh yeah, you live with us for the next few months and see...
"I do that all the time"... Yeah, we all have "mental pauses" now and again, but it's not really "all the time" and if it was, we would all be being tested too - or someone living with us would be insisting we be tested...
Why is it so hard for others to just acknowledge and be supportive? Fear that they are next?
Re: Why is it so hard for others to be supportive?
Trust me, I hear ya Big Time! When my FIL had another 'spell', I called his Sis to inform her of it. She had heard about his memory problems before and just poo pooed them. She doesn't even live here and is never around him but maybe twice a year, and yet she is the expert all of a sudden???? Anyway, I called her and told her - BIG mistake. She tore into me about him drinking way too much "Coffee". Can you imagine???? His dementia is caused by him drinking too much coffee????!!!! I almost lost it right there. Then she said to let him come and visit her and she would get him a "second opinion". Fine, I thought, let him go and she can see for herself. That was last year. To this day she will still not admit he has a problem with his memory. Some folks had rather ignore it, after all, they don't have to deal with it, WE DO! Until they walk in our shoes they can never comprehend what we are dealing with or talking about, I guess. And like I said in another post, they can act so normal at times that I guess it does fool folks. We know their history and their memories, so we know so much better their memory problems where other folks wouldn't. I guess that's the difference. Anyway, this happens to us all - it's the curse of the disease. Some day I'll post about my Aunt and my cousin but right now I don't want to get my blood pressure up!!! Later, C
Re: Why is it so hard for others to be supportive?
Oh I LIKE THIS THREAD!!
Why are they not supportive? Because they don't see the REAL issues. They will never put themselves in that position either. This way they get to sit back, make uninformed judgements and feel superior.
Your right, they will never know unless they walk in your shoes, but they won't do that ........ and most of them won't even if you beg and plead ...
There are some families out there that are great (Martha's Bro for one) and many others, but we only hear the bad bad stories most of the time, because it's us wearing the brunt that need the support and the only place we can find it is HERE!!!
I was going NUTS trying to figure everything out when I found this board, and let me tell you it changed my life. The support, the advice, and the resounding pats on the back for all my small achievements did more to me than anything. The abuse I copped from the family was counterweighed with the love and friendship from here .......
Your family and friends will frustrate you .. and NOW you will learn who your TRUE friends are ........
It's so SAD how this disease snowballs through everybody's lives
Re: Why is it so hard for others to be supportive?
I think it's because family and friends think/fear/worry that if they admit there is a diagnosis of Alzheimer's, it will obligate their time, their money, and/or their home if they choose to help , and will make them feel guilty or ashamed if they choose to be no help at all . Worst of all, for family it may mean that they might get Alzheimer's, too.
Simple DENIAL frees them of all those bothersome worries and feelings!
As Mark Twain wrote, "Denial is not just a river in Egypt!!"
, and will make them feel guilty or ashamed if they choose to be no help at all 
. Worst of all, for family it may mean that they might get Alzheimer's, too. 
Re: Why is it so hard for others to be supportive? 
Linear Mode
