Longing4MyMom

I guess I should first introduce myself. My name is Catherine and I am 26 years old and searching for any and all the help that I can get.

Brief history, I am the baby of 5 children. My oldest sibling is 16 years my senior and fixing to have his third child with his third wife My next sibling is 14 years my senior and she lives 800 miles from me and has always been the one who kept to herself in the family (meaning I may only talk to her once in 2 years)! My next sibling is 12 years my senior and a raging alcoholic who can barely take care of herself much less anyone else My sister closest to me is 9 years my senior and well she thinks she is better than everyone in the family because so far in life she has made no mistakes (or at least makes it appear that way) Me I am the baby the afterthought accident whatever you wanna call it. My mother was married twice, first at 18 to the man who she had her first children with and then to my father not long after she had her third child. They divorced once all of the children were out of the house except for me and pretty much drug me through the dirt after their twenty years of marriage.

Well here is the deal. My mother has Alzheimers. At the time she was diagnosed she was only around 55 years old. Forgive me for saying this but because she lived in TN at that time and me in Louisiana, I'm not real clear of the time table for everything. Once my family split up, we kinda all went askew. I feel so awful because from the time she was 18 until she was 52 (if you count the fact that I wasn't 18 until then even though I didn't live with either of my parents at that time) she was a mother and for the most part until the divorce a very devoted mother. Then three or so years after having all of her children grown she is diagnosed with such a ruthless disease. I guess because she lived so far away for those years, I never researched or realized the extent of what it was doing to her. I would see her maybe once a year and things would be somewhat different but nothing like I know now.

I totally feel jipped and at times get very angry at the fact that my father passed away when he was 57 (me 22) from a stroke and then not long after I start seeing that I am losing my mother as well. I feel so young to have lost so much. I get so mad that my children will never know my parents for who they "were".

I guess I am getting off the subject but I feel almost enlightened to have found this board.

So my mother remarried almost 9 years ago to a man where she lived in TN. I have seen him a total of 2 times if that goes to show how often we made the trip there and visa versa. Just not the way I ever imagined family being and everything I hope that the family I am developing of my own will never be. I think at the time (prior the diagnosis) that she married out of fear of being alone during these years of her life and honestly I believe he did the same. Neither of them expecting anything like this to brew its head just a few years later.

Well, again, trying to make a long story short...she came down here over the summer (after me not seeing her for quite some time---and we rarely talked on the phone) and decided to spend the summer with her three children (there are three of us that live within a 20 mile radius---the other two hours away) and her grandchildren. The whole time she was down here of course she just couldn't get enough of us. It had become the most apparent that I had noticed so far as to how dibilitated she was becoming. At moments I would be just fine and then something as blow drying her hair for her would cause me to have an emotional meltdown. She said she would love to stay down here with us instead of going home to her husband because she wanted to be with her children but at the time it just wasn't feasible. I hated putting her back on that plane back to TN at the end of the summer but really didn't have a choice.

Well she came back down here on the 16th of Dec. to spend Christmas and was supposed to return on the 4th of January but has not and has been staying with my and my family. My husband 27, daughter 5 and son 14 months. I totally feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Mom told me that her husband up there was leaving her for hours at a time during the day and she was just so miserable because she can't change channels on the tv and that her doctors were saying that she should be more active and of course as her daughter I wanted more than anything to have her down her with me because GOd only knows how much longer we will have "her". I knew the process of keeping her down here would entail alot but me being the youngest I expected at least the advice of my sisters to be somewhat helpful. Boy was I wrong!!! My closest sister just told me to do whatever I thought was best and well I haven't heard from her since the second week mom was down here. My other sister here thinks that she is going above and beyond by coming to see mom once or twice a week and occasionally taking her overnight. My brother, well I've only talked to him once since she has been here and the other sister none.

I have done so much to try and accomadate and care for my mother. I live in a 2 (maybe 3) bedroom house with my family and we live off of what we make. The childrens play room is now my mothers room with a bed put in here amongst all the toys. I stay at home with my 14 month old which is why I guess everyone thinks I should be doing this . My husband has been very understanding but gets very aggravated at my siblings because they don't do anything to help. I'm young and am learning about the world and am currently in the process of hleping my mother file for divorce from her husband, getting her SSI Disability Changed, trying to get her on Medicare Part D since her medicine is more a month than her SSI...and I guess it is just all taking a toll on me..I just don't know what I am supposed to do. I told my husband to give me a month from the time mom was supposed to go back to TN to get her a place all her own but with her financial status and ours that really isn't going to happen anytime soon and he is already starting to ask "when"...I understand as well because he said it is like he doesn't have any privacy in his own home and I can say if it was his mother I would feel the same way.

I don't have any time to myself and sometimes I swear she waits until I sit down to ask me to go and get something forher. It is like having another kid that I necessarily didn't want. I just feel so give out between my kids, my husband, and her that I feel myself getting very angry at the situation.

cont'd