Not sure how we'll feel... - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

needtoescape · 02-15-2006, 09:58 AM

Tomorrow my husband and I go to an appointment to get the results from his 6 hour neuropysch exam.

I just asked him if he will be relieved if they say there is no evidence of memory impairment/cognitive decline. He said, "No, because I'll still wonder what the heck is going on because I know I am declining in memory, etc." He went on to say he feels he is getting angry more easily and feeling more agitation for less reason. I feel the same way he does. A "good result" will not relieve or reassure me at all because I know his mental abilities have taken a greater decline over a short time than I think is normal. I think it may be early enough that it isn't detectable in testing - but something is wrong and everything else has been ruled out.

If we get a result that indicates there IS some evidence of cognitive impairment, I'm not sure how we'll feel about that. But I think in some ways, that might be easier to accept - because it is consisent with what we've both seen - and it should get us going in the right direction with meds, etc.

I still am struggling with being very scared of the future - if this is AD. As he mentioned, his anger issues are increasing. Despite his weak heart, he is still stronger than me (he was in a physical job prior to his heart attack and has good upper body strength) and I would be in danger if he became physically violent. Also, he has had anger issues enough in the past that he used to have a "list of people he would kill before he died". He says that list doesn't exist anymore - but it gives you an idea of his personality issues that I have dealt with in the past. He has terrible road rage - enough that I will no longer ride with him. So, I will not be the one to figure out when he is no longer safe to drive... One time in the past, he went for counseling for a short time. I now see that same therapist because she understands some of the issues I deal with in the marriage. She is concerned about the negative personality traits being magnified by the disease (if this is AD). And I read your stories - about sweet ladies who now fly into rages. And I wonder - how will I possibly cope if my husband's inhibitions drop and let his internal rage go at full force? He has a gun safe full of guns - and he is very adamant that NO ONE WILL TAKE AWAY HIS GUNS. And he is much too cognizent at this point to attempt to do that - and I don't think it's necessary yet. What scares me is how will I accomplish it when it IS time? I know it is pointless to fear these issues now - and I know somehow I will cope when the time comes. But, oh my, this will be a dangerous roller coaster with his personality...

Oh, just a note about that "list"... Several years ago when he came home from work and told me he had added two people to the list of people he would kill, I asked him if I was on the list. He said "No... You haven't ****ed me off YET". You can imagine that I know what "walking on eggshells" means. I finally have learned NOT to walk on eggshells - and he is better in many ways than he was at that time - but it is still very scary to think of a disease like AD interacting with a person that has mental illness.

I guess one of my hopes for tomorrow is that the psychiatrist may sway him to consider counseling - since he told them he thinks of suicide often. I will not be surprised if they attribute the memory issues to depression. But hubby and I have discussed that too - and we both doubt that is the cause because his depression has been no worse than it has been for years, yet the memory and confusion episodes are new. Even though I don't think depression is the cause of his recent problems, he has needed counseling for YEARS. Even if he goes, I don't have high hopes though because the problems run very deep and my counselor says that his type of personality disorder is very very hard to overcome without a great deal of effort on his part. But I still think it would be beneficial if he was in counseling.

See why I want to stick my head in the sand and pretend this isn't happening??

Please don't get scared for me. There is no danger at this point (I don't think). And maybe the docs will find some good balance of meds that will lessen his anger problems.

I'll let you know what the results are sometime tomorrow evening.

N2E

BarbaraH · 02-15-2006, 10:44 AM

Oh N2E,

Bless your heart!!!!!!!!! ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) I'm so sorry all of this is so scary and difficult. Does the psychiatrist know about the list, the threats, and road rage, and the anger????

I wonder if counseling would help if he has memory problems? Seems that the memory has to be helped first, if possible. 2nd, one heck of an antipdepressant. 3rd, when he's not home, change the lock on the gun cabinet or have a gunsmith come in and remove all of the firing pins, then change the lock! The hope is that all will look untouched and yet not be functional.

As far as I know, there is no reason to think that the anger will certainly intensify as AD (if it's AD) progresses. I think it's kind of up for grabs in what happens to these folks depending on what part of the brain is affected and when. Do you know how your husband acted as a little child? My mother acted more like an angry small child or a grumpy child who could usually be distracted.

Whatever you find out that is happening medically or mentally, please make plans for where you'd go and the route you'd take if you ever need to leave home immediately. Have an extra set of keys hidden where only you know or at a neighbor's home. It's not right that you are in a frightening situation.

Make a plan.

More (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) Barbara

needtoescape · 02-15-2006, 10:54 AM

I don't know how much hubby told the psychiatrist re: the anger issues. And I don't know what he was like as a child - other than his mother treated him horribly regardless of what he did. We were at a funeral recently and he told me about crying at his grandparent's funeral (he was quite young) and his mom telling him to "shut up". She used to threaten to take him to a mental institution and leave him (also when he was young). She was an unloving, paranoid, unkind lady.

I guess having a plan is a good idea. At one point in the past, I had a "grab and go" bag packed in case I needed it. I sure hope I never do. I love my husband and I am rarely the focus of his anger. Hopefully that will continue to be the case regardless of whether this is AD. But I guess I can't do much more than taking it a day at a time and making appropriate adjustments as needed. And praying.

BarbaraH · 02-15-2006, 10:59 AM

Hi again,

If you can, do call the psychiatrist's office today to tell them about the anger problems and how it's been all of these years. Remind them you have an appointment tomorrow. The doctor needs to know what issues are a problem and can only help based on the information he's given.

Shame on DH's mother!! No child deserves that treatment. Bless his heart, too.

More (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) Barbara

Martha H · 02-15-2006, 11:46 AM

So sorry for you in your dilemma.

I was in an abusive marriage. I left, after 36 years.

I cannot imagine having to deal with my ex if he had gotten AD. He was hard enough 'normal.'

I know all abut walking on eggshells. Only it never worked. He always found something to be angry about.

In your shoes I would get him into a good Alzheimer facility, soon. But you have to decide what is best for you.

Love, (hugs) and understanding,
Martha