Oh Jess,
(((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) )))))) Welcome to you, although everyone here will be as sorry as I am that you need to be here. I'm so glad your son found us! This is a place you can say whatever you need to because we completely understand, in the been there, cried buckets, done that, and survived (or are surviving) sense.
I'm Barbara and I live in VA. My mother got AD in her early 80s and you can read my story (and the story of many here) by finding the thread titled Who's Who. My mother died in '04 at the age of 88 about 2 1/2 years after I moved her into an assisted living facility (ALF), then to a NH (nursing home) after she wandered away from the ALF. By then, Mom didn't know me, her own furniture, the church she'd attended for 30 years, day from night, how to read a clock (and a million other forgotten things), and probably didn't know straight up either.
First, you must take time for yourself and your family. It's not fair to you to work all day and deal with your dear ditsy mother until you drop into bed. You cannot reasonably expect yourself or your dear family to keep watch 24/7 over someone who may go out the door at any minute. You each need a break! Caregiver, care for yourself. Really, dear.
2nd, this is a NO GUILT area!!! None of us gave out loved ones this awful disease and, so far, none of us can cure it. We just do the best we can each day, make the best decisions we can because we love who they were, and refuse to feel guilty because we cannot do everything - including finding that cure.
Please look into adult day care in your area, if not an ALF or AD Center or NH (nursing home). In a day care, your mother will have pleasant, simple activities and a meal, plus she'll be safe, make other ditsy friends and have a good time. What could be better?? She would not want you to harm yourself on her account. Please give yourself permission to do that because someday it will become too much, too sad, too exhausting, too heartbreaking to handle. One day, it will happen. You cannot drive yourself 24/7 as she will need. It's okay to need help. It's okay for your mother to live in an ALF or NH where staff is awake 24/7. She will not care less. Not only that, but The Imposter is often mean, insulting, and says things that hurt. That's hard. As we say here, sad, but true.
From what you've written, it sounds like you're already about at the end of your rope. If you're not ready to move your mother into a facility full time, there are many places that offer "respite care" to give you a break for a week or more. Please consider that for the sake of your health. It's okay. It can even be for the best. Really.
Please visit the available facilities in your area, choose the one that seems best and affordable, and put your mother's name on the waiting list. When you give out and give up, you'll be glad you already did the research.
Since you have DPOA, you can sell her home to pay for the costs incurred by her care, if cost is an issue.
Sorry if I've been pushy or said things you'd rather not hear. Please keep coming back and talking with us. Read our stories. I'm sure others will chime in soon. Sally is in Australia and is usually the night shift here!
Again, welcome. Wishing you well - Barbara
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