She Went Driving?! - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Kelen · 02-22-2006, 06:51 PM

Oh. My. God. I just thought I had to post this somewhere, as it's about the biggest scare I've ever had, even if it only lasted 10 minutes.

My father often takes my grandmother out for drives, and brings the dog along. Somehow he thinks with the dog in the car, she won't go anywhere. Today he stopped at a store to pick up dinner, I always tell him he should never leave her in the car alone, dog or not. He always says "she's never gone anywhere before", at which point I remind him of the time not all that long ago with my aunt where she went walking around the parking lot when she got tired of waiting in the car. It's just ridiculous that it had to come to this for my father to realise she can't stay in the car alone. I seems everything with my family takes something extreme until we reach the next steep of safety with my grandmother. No one makes a move to change the way things are going and when I ask why nothing's happening (despit my suggestions) they say they're "looking into it" and "something has to change really quickly" - nothing ever does. No one even has Power of Attorney; I guess that's another problem all together.

So, what did he do? Leaves the keys in the car to run in and buy dinner. A few minutes later he came out of the store, and the car was gone. Now, my grandmother had her licence revoked at least two years ago and truthfully it should have been taken away much earlier than that. I remember being in the car with her driving some days and I'd be watching every move she made at the wheel... it was really scary. After a few very minor accidents she had a drivers test and her licensed was taken away.

In the present, this is a women who needs to be dressed and underdessed, constantly is trying to weasel her way into bed 24 hours a day, and basically nothing she says or does makes any sense at all. You can imagine my father when he left to the store to find the car, my grandmother and the dog missing. The idea alone that she could back the car up and into the busy parking lot is unthinkable.

Instead of calling the police immediately he got a taxi to take him home to see if the car was there, and amazingly it was. I don't know how or what miracle happened to get her home in one piece without having an accident, or worse... but she drove home. Half the time she doesn't even think the home she's been living in for the last 50 years is her home, at least not her "real home".

It's at least a five minute drive with very busy intersections. I'm still in shock that she made it home alive. The car door was left open and everything when my dad got in the driveway. She even managed to get the keys out of the car and open the front door with my fathers absurd amount of keys on his key chain. My dad ran in the house to find my grandmother sitting happily in the kitchen, totally oblivious to anything wrong.

Has anyone else ever gone though an experience like this? Or, is my family so negligent that we're the only one's who've gone though something like this?

needtoescape · 02-22-2006, 07:28 PM

You are definitely not the only one who has experienced that. I've read several of the members on this board post about their loved one driving long past when they should have stopped. Thank goodness your grandmother made it home safe - and hopefully the scare made your dad realize he can't leave her alone in the car anymore! I think it is just very hard for people to come to terms with the reality of the person no longer being able to be alone safely - and the times when they seem like their old selves make it easy to believe that maybe it's not really that bad yet... A friend of mine had a similar experience with her father taking his son's car, hitting another car as he backed out, and being gone for HOURS. I don't remember the specifics of how they found him, but they were going crazy until they did. Do you think the scare from this experience might make your father more receptive to pursing POA (if he can convince a lawyer she is competent to sign the papers...)?

Martha H · 02-22-2006, 07:54 PM

Wow, what a scare. I hope it scared your father into doing something! Your Grandma needs to be in a safe place. They say God watches out for little children and fools ... in this case it was more your dad who acted foolish, but I'm glad no one was hurt or worse...

Come back and tell us how things turn out!

Martha

Kelen · 02-22-2006, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by needtoescape

Do you think the scare from this experience might make your father more receptive to pursing POA (if he can convince a lawyer she is competent to sign the papers...)?

I think it's more a universal opinion now that no sane person would think she is competent, even three years ago we didn't try getting power of attorney because we were told "it's too late".

Thank you for your response. I realise it's hard for people to come to terms with a family member no longer safe being left alone, but honestly, my father already knows this fact. He's been stay over night at my grandmothers home for the last several weeks, as my grandfather has happily buggered off to their summer home.

BarbaraH · 02-22-2006, 08:27 PM

Hi Kelen,

As has been said here before, a quote from Mark Twain is appropriate:
"Denial is not just a river in Egypt."

Your family is trying not to understand that Grandma has real medical trouble if she cannot make sense, cannot dress herself, undress herself, and has not recognized her home. She's like a tall 3 year old in trustworthiness. Somewhere inside are a few abilities that may crop up - like driving but those abilities may disappear instantly and she could forget the way home or a traffic law. It's nothing short of a miracle that she got home safely without injury to herself or someone else. Had there been an accident, your family could be held liable for letting her drive.

If no one has DPOA yet, it's going to be difficult unless your state allows a notary public to do this legal document. I live in Virginia and a lawyer who is convinced that the ditsy elder understands what she's signing must do the legal DPOA forms.

Please look at the top of this thread and read the 7 Stages of Alzheimer's, print them, and show them to your family and your grandmother's doctor. There are medicines that can help slow the progress of Alzheimer's.

Above all, you family must understand that Grandma may do anything: metal in the microwave, leave a stove burner on with or without a pan on it, she may take too much medicine or too little, and she may eat constantly or not at all. She needs care and never to be alone - especially in a car with the keys in it!!!!!!!!! Hide the keys lest she leave in the night and drive away. I kid you not! My mother tried that.

Good luck in getting someone to listen. Your grandmother is blessed that you care so much.

Wishing you well - Barbara