LuvMyLilDoggie

Actually I have been through this very thing. It was a bit easier for me though as it was rental properties and not the house my dad lived in.

I have POA over dad's financial dealings. The houses I sold were in my dad's and mom's name. So what I had to do first was get mom's name off the deed because she had passed on several years before. I listed the houses with a realtor but they didn't sell. I think the realtor was afraid to go into that area of Chicago. After the listing expired, someone who lives in that area came to me and expressed interest in purchasing the homes. The houses were both on one lot with an adjoining lot that was seperate but was agreed to be sold with the homes.

My dad was heavily in debt thanks to a family member and dad's midlife crisis. He was already in the early stages of AD. We just didn't know it yet.

Anyway, my sister S and I told the realtor to call my sister's cell phone (I didn't have one yet) and I would call her back. We instructed her not to say anything to dad about the houses or the sale. She agreed. Dad thought there was nothing wrong with the houses when in reality EVERYTHING was falling apart. Between the two houses, there were more than 50 windows, all of which needed replacement. One house needed siding and a roof. The other needed a new furnace. Both houses were so full of cockroaches and rats it was unreal! In all, we estimated that it would have costed between $50,000 and $75,000 to get the houses up to par. Oh and dad thought the two homes with adjoining lot would fetch about $25,000. NOT!!! Of course it was much more than that.

So when this deal came along with the guy from the neighborhood, we jumped on it. We used a lawyer but the buyer didn't want to go through a title company since he was giving us a cashier's check for the entire amount we were asking for the houses. He wasn't taking out a loan. Turns out the guy who was buying the houses was with a group of investors. They didn't need a loan for the homes. We got what we were asking for the homes and we didn't have to pay commision to a realtor.

Take the realtor aside and explain your dad's condition to her. Instruct her to inform only you of offers and go through you for showings. Since you don't have to be there for showings, maybe you can get your dad out of the house at the time the realtor is supposed to be there?

You don't need a realtor but you do need a lawyer who specializes in real estate. This is very important since the laws change every year.

To be honest, I had to go behind my dad's back. I sold the houses and paid off his bills (about $30,000 worth!). The rest of the money went into his bank account. Then I told him the houses were sold. I was tired of risking my life every month to go into that neighborhood (couldn't trust them to mail the rent) and collect more than $1,200 CASH and leave there on the first of every month with everyone knowing what I was there for. I didn't want to die like that. He was FURIOUS at first becuase he didn't want the houses to be sold. But they had to be sold. I couldn't take care of them anymore. And he didn't have the money needed to repair them. And if he did, he wouldn't have let me rmake the repairs. He didn't think anything was wrong with them. One of the apartments needed to be painted and a new toilet installed. My sister and I put the toilet in and we painted the living room and dining room. Dad was FURIOUS that we spent money on paint and a new toilet. Never a thanks for all those hours of work.

I was pleasantly surprised that dad got over his anger as fast as he did. When he saw the money in his account, he was really happy.

Maybe your dad is having second thoughts. Could it be that he feels the house is a connection with your mother that will be broken if it's sold? Is this where his anger could be coming from? If he sells the house, he may feel like he's losing your mother again and the memories that were created in that house. He may be afraid of what's to come too.

One thing's for sure. The house has to be sold and dad must get the care you need for him.

I know this is a very difficult situation. But do yourself a favor. Move forward with your plans and don't second guess yourself or let your dad make you feel that you're not making the right choices. You are! But it can be very easy in this situation to fall into the guilt trap. I know. Been there. Done that. Don't wanna go back.

Love, Barb

__________________
Live, Love, Laugh.