A New Stage? - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Jess22 · 03-01-2006, 05:16 PM

Hey Everyone,
It's Been A Few Days Since I Last Wrote Man I Have Been Busy. I Moved Mom Back Into Her House And Now Have A Wonderful Caregiver Staying With Her Everynight From 6pm Until 8am The Next Day. It Has Been A True Blessing To Finally Have A Bit Of Some 'own' Time Agian. Mom Seems To Be Better In Her Own Home And Has Forgotten That She Was Ever At Mine( One Year1/2). Wow That Really Tells You Something About This Disease... Anyway It's Been A Week Already And One Minute She Loves The Care Lady The Next She Begs Me To Make Her Go Home. Last Night When I Got Home From Work She Was Sitting On Her Couch Crying Uncontrollably And Begging To Just Die.... I Sat There With Her
And Held Her Hand While My Dh Whisked The Caregiver In The Other Room To Pay Her Without Mom's Knowledge. I Finally Left And She Does Better After Im Gone For Awhile??? Now She Is Began Causing Us Problems With Daytime Neighbors Etc. Who Try To Help Us With Her During The Day While We Work. She Crys All Afternoon And Has Become Very Restless From Around 1pm Until Night Time. She Swears That The Grandchildren Steal From Her Or The Neighbor And She Doesnt Even Have Anything For Them To Steal. She Is Still Hiding All Her Things And Then Forgetting She Ever Had Them Constantly. Today She Said The Fbi Was Watching Her House And Yesterday She Told Me Crying Hysterically That The Neighbor Told Her She Was Putting Her In The Nursing Home At Five O'clock.geez This Is So Frustrating...... I Think We Are Going To Have To Hire Full Time Care Around The Clock Now And That Means Her Money Wont Last Very Long. Lately She Seems More And More Depressed And Very Sad All The Time, Always Crying Wishing She Could Die And Go Home To Be With The Lord!!!!! I Feel So Sorry For Her But Nothing I Do Or Say Makes It Better. I Am Wondering If Possibly Some Of You Are Right That In A Nh They Have Less Decisions Etc. And So Things Are Easier For Them. If Anyone Has Any Suggestions Please Let Me Know ,im Doing All I Know How To For Now. I Still Spend At Least Two To Three Hours An Afternoon There And I Will Continue That But It Still Doesnt Seem To Be Working.......

Martha H · 03-01-2006, 05:48 PM

In my opinion they are realy happier in a NH after a short adjustment. And YOU know they are safe, well fed and medicated. Your Mom may be depressed and need to be on medicine for that. Those drugs work well after a few weeks. Who wouldn't be depressed, knowing their memory is going.

Accusing neighbors, grandkids and anybody else of stealing and taking things, plus hiding her own belongings so she herself can't find them again are all completely normal for this disease.

It may be time for you to look for a place for her to live so you can have more peace. Around the clock help at home is a good possibility and cheaper - but my Mom would miss the company of many others in the same boat, and all the activities the NH puts on, parties, concerts, bingo, etc.

I hope you find a good solution!

Love,
Martha

wiredqs · 03-01-2006, 06:35 PM

From my experience it's not going to be to long before she requires 24 hr care. When they lose track of time and place they are in great danger. Mom used to try to get up and cook more than once during the night, where we live 24hr care at home is more expensive than assisted living. Best of luck.

DeenaM · 03-15-2006, 01:36 PM

Reading your post just brings me back a couple of years to what I went through. It was a very hard time, and I had a lot of support from my husband, my brother and co-workers. You really need to get that support network going. And you have to do things that are fun for you. It's so important. This is a long road you're going to travel, so get help and support.

My mother is in the last stage right now. I have kept her at home with me, but I have round-the-clock help 24/7. I couldn't do it on my own! I did put her in the Hospice Nursing Facility when we were hit by one of the hurricanes in 2004. She truly shut down there. They were great, but she wouldn't eat for them, and never opened her eyes. I think AD patients know a lot that's going on, but can't get out of the bubble they find themselves in. I would have to leave work, and come and feed her every day. If I was able to get a teaspoon of nourishment into her, I was happy. When we brought her home again she pulled out of it, and did a lot better. She was totally dependent, and bedridden, but at least she would eat, she stayed awake, she laughed at Seinfeld on TV, and every once in a while she would say my name!

Good luck. Whatever you do wil be the right thing. I think that anyone that posts on here is reaching out for help and to help. There's no right or wrong. It's just trial and error! And never feel guilty about what you end up doing. We all do the best we can...

BarbaraH · 03-15-2006, 02:32 PM

Hi Deena,

Welcome! So sorry that you, too, and dealing with this oh so sad disease. Bless your heart!

I wanted to tell you something I read on-line long before my mother was in the end stages of AD. This information really helped me understand what was happening to Mom. The article said that at the end stage of AD, the brain even loses control of digestion. No matter how much the AD patient eats when fed or feeds themselves, they constantly lose weight. My mother steadily lost weight for the last 3 months of her life. She was never heavy, but she really looked emaciated for the last 4 weeks. It was so dismaying, but I was at peace since I had that understanding.

Glad you found us and hope we can be of help.

Blessings - Barbara