Hi all, Dad has vascular dementia due to stroke. This happend in Aug 05. He agreed to be in an Assisted living facility. Only problem he was wandering. they weren't keeping a close enough eye on him. Mom is also in LTC. (4 yres now) they were not getting along at all. Mom has also become aggressive and violent.
ie: slapped me, rammed me with her motorized wheel chair. etc. I moved them to separate facilities closer to me( they were about 60 mi away) Now Dad has also become aggressive. I know there is a " break in period", but Mom never really got beyond that at the last place and is even worse now, even though the aregivers are very experienced they are about at their wits end in less than a week! Dads place called me he is in a "lock down" type facility close to Moms. Someone had gone in his room the 1st nite he was there and tried to "steal" his candy and pottyed on his bathroom floor! Not a great 1st impression, to say the least. Now he is going around threatening people with his care or whatever is handy. I had a talk with him lasst nite and he seemed calmer. I am looking for some things to say or how to say things so as not to set him off even more. Does anyone have any ideas?
Thanks for letting me ramble. Iam the only child so this is all on me. Sometimes its so overwhelming!!
Hi Sandipow, no wonder you are overwhelmed. What a hassle to have both parents in assisted living or NHs.
As soon as I read that 'someone' stole his candy and 'someone' used the floor of his room as a potty, my Mom came to mind. She is also in a NH as an Dementia patient. Well, while she was still living with me, she somehow managed to poop on the bathroom rugs .. and it was NEVER her! 'Someone' did it too. Maybe the same 'someone' who did it on your Dad's floor (like, him?) Just guessing, but this is very very typical of Alzheimer's disease.
I hope they can calm your mother down with medications. Actually it is part of their job to do so, and they ought to have a doctor on call to make sure she is getting whatever she needs to sleep well, act reasonably well, etc.
This is a great place to come to vent and share. You are welcome here. Sorry you have to be here, but you are not alone.
Martha is right .. the stories a dementia patient hands out aren't factual or correct a lot of the time. Don't believe everything they say ... it's such a shame, because we WANT to believe them!! Of course, if there is a witness (staff worker) who saw the events, then that's a whole other thing!
The people looking after your parents are, hopefully, professionals. There is a settling in period where, if the behaviour is too rampant, calming medications may be ordered. Sometimes these are long term, sometimes they are short term, but hopefully the professionals know how to tweak the med's to suit the patient. Sometimes family visits upset them too, especially in the first few weeks, so perhaps you could limit your visits and ring the staff for a quick run down on what's happening.
A lock down facility here in Australia means they can't leave the building without a carer. They still have full use of the facilities inside with activities and everything, but it's harder for them to escape. Most Lock downs have a beautiful Garden smack bang in the middle of the complex (here at least) and I have seen a few (and even work in one at the moment). No, the residents don't like it all the time, but the majority of time they are quite content. One resident even has his own herb garden! One lady 'found' the door and asked if "that is the way out?" and was told yes, and when she said "Can I go out" was told "Not today, this is the staff door" she happily trotted off and found another activity. Just knowing there was a door was enough for her that day.
Oops, I rambled again .. sorry .....
Conversation wise, your probably better off talking about 'non-flammable' subjects. Weather, outings, reminiscing of old events are all good subjects that Dementia patients love to chat about. When visiting, take a goodie bag of photo albums, treats and activities .. the connect 4 game is a very popular one. The game rules aren't important, but the 'posting' of the 'coins' is good for their fine motor skills too.
My heart goes out to you having two parents in separate nursing homes, I've trod that road, and it's not easy to share yourself around and give each one quality time, but first and foremost, you look after YOU and don't wear yourself out ok?
Thanks, Angelbear. In this case there was a witness. The staff member caught her in the "act". I called this afternoon, they say he is having a better day today. I'm really hoping he settles in well. This really is the nicest place in town. the staff alll seem really good. Much better than the last place. Dad tends to fixate, especially on the negative, which I guess is common. He was kind of that way before all this. So off to a rocky start, but hopefully it will smooth out soon.
Thanks for the hugs
My husband has vascualr dementia. He was in the physc hospital 3 times in two months for behavior problems. He too was starting to get agressive and thought everyone was out to get him. He was also hallucinating and having delusions. Thanks to a good doctor on the last admission she got him on a good medication program that works for him. He is now very passive, most agreeable, stop the wondering, etc. He tends to sleep a little more, but believe me I would rather have that than him up every two hours. I think you need to persue the doctor and make sure they are giving your dad something for his agressive behavior. If the first medication does not work out, they need to try another one. I have learned that some doctors are very stuborn about this so you have to get persistant or change doctors until you find one that will work with you. Wishing you luck, you do have a lot on your plate. Please keep us updated.'
I agree with all of you. One further note, sometimes medication prescribed to calm a patient can have the opposite effect. My FIL became increasingly violent when his Seroquel was increased. Finally, we asked his doctor if he could try a different medication. This was done and my FIL has become very calm and docile. He seems much happier and smiles all the time. He has vascular dementia and is in a lockdown unit. As Diane said, you sometimes have to be stubborn and pursue other avenues with the doctor.