Well, it's almost a week since the doc sent a med for mom's aggressive behavior. I believe he sent busprione, and stated that it would take 2-3 weeks to work well.
I saw her one day last week and she was so peaceful, just sweet as could be and looked like her old self. Can't remember if I posted that info or not. It was such a relief to see her calm.
That was the only day of calm, though. She was so agitated and calling me 5-6 times a day, asking me to take her home. G suggested that I not visit so often and I hadn't been to see her in 4 days until yesterday. I don't answer most of her calls because she simply calls back in 5 minutes if I do talk to her.
I went early yesterday, knowing that's a better time for her. It was the same old same old. Her bag was packed and she was certain that I was taking her home. She fluctuated from crying and forlorn to agitated and threatening if I didn't take her home.
G came back to her room and I thought this was a little odd. She asked if I would talk to my mom about using her phone. That it's a business line and mom stays on it all day long; calling me, my brothers and taking out the phone book to simply call people at random!
I'm sitting here with a woman who can't remember anything said 2 minutes ago and G wants me to tell her NOT to use her phone.....I said, "I do tell her when she calls me, but she doesn't remember. "Mom cuts in and says, "I don't use the phone. I've never called you!"
I take G aside and ask about the day that Mom was calm and happy. She said her doc sent a prescription for lorazepam (sp?) but only for severe aggression, when she's totally out of control. For a daily med, he sent busiprone (sp?) and it takes several weeks to get into her system. The day she was calm, they had to use lorazepam because she was hitting.
She says, we need to tell her that this is her new home. When I tell her she can go home "someday," she remembers it and keeps packing. They tell her this is her home and her old home is gone now. Not know what is right to do, I went along with this to mom. She did unpack and put her things away, bawling her eyes out.
I know it won't really matter, she won't remember later. But my questions are?
Does anyone have experience with this buspirone? Will it eventually work? Does anyone get the lorasepam? I saw the affects of it and it was wonderful. Is it always only used for severe aggression?
I'm in the process of changing doctors. It took us 4 days and a call to her HMO to even get a call-back from her doctor when we needed meds.
And does anyone else think it's strange that G asked me to make mom stop using her phone. She doesn't remember anything I say, either. I must admit, I can see the strain in all their faces. Mom has worn them out. This agitation is relentless, so I'm trying to keep an open-mind. All their other charges are calm and sweet ladies. Mom is a tyrant.
I'd appreciate anyone's suggestions or thoughts. I tell ya, your vision gets blurred after awhile when dealing with this.
I'd suggest to G that the office door be locked, the phone book be put out of sight, and/or maybe even the phone be tucked into a desk drawer. For many AD patients, it's out of sight, out of mind.
I'd also suggest that they use the lorizepam more frequently until the other medicine kicks in.
Perhaps you should take the suitcase away so all signs of a trip home or away are gone. If there are any few items like photos or a lamp or a pillow that meant a lot to your mother and have little real value, bring those things to her new room.
At one stage, my mother carried a soft silky stuffed bunny (dressed in a pinafore and hat) as if the toy was a favorite doll or child. She even rode this rabbit on her walker seat, talked to it, and cuddled it. I first sat the bunny on her bed and Mom picked it up from there. Maybe your mother needs something to carry around like this.
Come to think of it, I also always complimented Mom on how lovely her home was. I didn't say apartment or room as I didn't want to open that can of worms.
It does get less traumatic as they slip farther away. Sad, but true.
That's some great ideas! I will talk to G more about the phone.
I had taken a few doilies she'd crocheted and put them under the lamps, etc. Tried to give it a homey look. And brought some knick-knacks that were hers. She has them all removed and packed away every time I arrive.
I can't believe I hadn't thought to remove the suitcases entirely. I will do that the very next time I go down there. For all the months and months she was at my home, she kept putting her things back into those suitcases, wouldn't use the dresser at all. I wish I had thought of it then.
She's a great doll collector, and I do have several of her collection here. I think I'll take a few of those. She also has a stuffed poodle that she treated like a baby. It goes too! I was kind of afraid of making her feel that I was taking too much from her old home, but now, I think I should. If it helps her to feel "at home."
I'm so anxious to get a new doctor. It will be my own md, her HMO requires a referral for a geriatric. At least I know him, and will feel comfortable telling him all that we're going through.
It does strike me as strange that you are supposed to tell your mom not to do something. G may have been at her wits end that day. She must know that nobody can tell an AD patient what to do and have it done. That phone must be unaccessible. Not where she can go and use it at will. She could be dialing Timbuctoo!
In the olden days of dial phones, there was a phone lock one could buy to prevent it from being used by an unauthorized person. There must be something similar for push button phones. Mom has a phone by her bedside. It is on a special deal with verizon - she ONLY takes incoming calls. She cannot make a call. There is no dial tone and no connection. It's only there for us to call her - and then she often ignores it.
Of course the NH needs to have a business phone, but this is not her first patient, so I wonder why she doesn't have it in a place no one but an authorized person can get to it.
I also think Mom should be getting the Lorazipam daily, and when she has calmed down, gradually get her off of it. Not to be saved for emergencies. Every violent day is an emergency. She could get a stroke from anger!
That's what I think too, Martha. The Lorazipam should be used until the other stuff kicks in. Good grief! That's what it's for. G has said all along, though, that this isn't a good doctor. And I agree.
We called his office for nearly a week, begging for something to calm her with no response at all. At this point mom was violent and hitting. I called his office, G called his office. His office said he'd call back, then said a medical assitanct would call back. Day after day, we never received a call back, and 2 of those days, I know he was in his office taking patients.
I called mom's HMO and told them about our situation and they agreed to send paper-work to change doctors. Mom's doctor called within an hour of this call to the HMO.
As G says, what if it was an emergency! Actually, to me, it seemed an emergency.
Yes, I do think G and her staff are feeling the strain of this also. She made several calls to the doctor also, that went ignored.
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