Sandyspen

Hi ladies,

I'm a little hesitant to post after all the raging debate about whether to "care at home or NH."

I can honestly say that I feel that I made the right choice, though. I was determined to take care of mom and did everything I possibly could to keep her with me. I'm envious of Cheryl and Glenna who are able to do it.

I had my mom for many months and was tired and worn out, but that did not push me to give up. I fed her meals, washed her clothes, paid her bills, listened to relentless repetition of false history and questions. I colored with her and strung beads with her and crocheted with her, and don't regret a single minute of any of it. We had bolts on inside doors so that she couldn't harm me or escape and harm herself. I've been through "shadowing" and "wandering" and "false suspicions" and raging accusations and physical violence aimed at me. None of those drove me to move mom to a NH.

I relented when 15 minutes seldom passed without hearing her assertions that she was going to kill herself. That she would escape and walk into traffic. She would scream so loudly, I thought surely the neighbors would call the police. She would sit up all night on the side of her bed and have a running conversation with someone? Already on high blood pressure medicine, I was horrified that all the anger and rage and screaming and aggression and violence and lack of sleep would cause her to have a stroke or heart attack.

Now, I know that I not only relented for me, I relented for Mom. I had become so consumed with the thought of being "caregiver," it took awhile for me to see Mom. I wasn't taking care of her. I was just barely surviving, myself.

Taking care of mom means she's in a place where she's safe and warm and comfortable. With people who have the meds and know when to administer them. I can't even say how grateful I was to see her calm again. We still have many issues with her and I have much caregiving to do. But she's in a better environment.

Now, I'm healthy enough and calm enough to make sure that they treat her nicely, along with the medical administration of her needs. I visit many times a week, unannounced.

For those who are caretaking at home, I have the greatest admiration and kindest feelings for you. I know it's difficult and you're fortunate to be able to do it. There are many levels of AD, and many stages, and many different responses from each individual patient.

I feel that my mom's circumstances and responses needed more than I could give. And, my own family has learned from this experience. If this horrible disease is in my own future, my dh and daughters have explicit orders from me that if I behave the same as my Mom, I want a NH. I would never expect my children to endure what I have with my MOM. I would not expect, nor want it for them. There is no correlation at all between caring for and raising a child, to the outrageous behavior that this disease can induce.

Just my 2 cents.




I relented on my vow to keep her with me when there was nothing else I could do to calm her.

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Sandy