My what a difference a day makes/dad's freaking out - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

LuvMyLilDoggie · 08-15-2006, 11:00 AM

I haven't vented in a long time so I'll take a turn now.

He wants to come home!

Sis called and said he's getting worse with the aggression and now wants to get in his car and drive home. The last time he was like that down there, he left for 12 hours and had us all calling state police headquarters in every state between here and there.

I'll take him back but will have to have home help for now. I will not leave him home alone. The VA here now has home health care so maybe I can get someone here to keep an eye on him, shower him, feed him, etc. while I'm at work. Oh I feel the calmness and serenity slowly floating away and the anxiety coming back.....breathe, Barb, breathe.....

Ok. His car is broken down (bad water pump) and hasn't been started in a year. This is good. The plates have expired. This is also good. He thinks his car is the last think he and my mom bought together when really he bought it 2 years after she died.

I had hoped I wouldn't have to do what some of you are having to do now-call the DMV and request he be tested again. This time I'm SURE the doctors will be willing to write letters encouraging them not to renew his lisence.

I'd all but forgotten about having to make these difficult decisions. I thought dad had made the decision about driving a year ago. This roller coaster is going down way too fast and steep.

Hopefully I'll calm down later. I just got the phone call and I'm probably more freaked out than dad at the moment....The first thing I did after getting off the phone with sis is jump on pc for your sanity and rational thinking. I know you'll bring me back to ground level and stop the spinning in my head....

On top of this I'm cramping like CRAZY! I had my son press down on my lower back to ease the pain. Nothing else is working but that helps a lot.

Love, Barb

Ok. Hubby just was reaching for something on the shelf over the pc and nearly knocked me out with his elbow....SMACK on top of the head!!! Made me forget about the cramps....for a minute! OUCH!!!

Martha H · 08-15-2006, 12:41 PM

Oh,Barb, this is NOT your day! Put some ice on that head! Do some stretching exercises for your back.

And give up - give all the worry and fear and anxiety up to a higher power. Just let it go. Dad will either arrive , or never even leave where he is now. I would suggest your sister keep his car out of order, or out of reach. He isn't going to hijack her car and start off, is he? Would he be able to find his way? By tomorrow he will forget he wanted to go 'home.'

Never mind, just relax, forget all about it - he is not there yet, and maybe never will get there.

And even if he does, you will get either home health aides to come and watch out for him every day, or you will have him put in a VA nursing home. You will be OK, Everyone here is filling the air with good thoughts and good wishes for you right now.

Lots of love and prayers,

Martha

georgie04 · 08-15-2006, 05:45 PM

Oh wow Barb, as if your head wasn't already spinning - a good 'bif' on the noggin thrown in for good measure!!!

I guess you are having mixed emotions - glad to see him again, but apprehensive about the impact his deterioration will have. But that is a very sensible line in the sand for you to draw - if he is coming home, it can't be unless and until you have organised the home help that will be absolutely necessary for his safety.

And yes, get the car disabled even more - he won't know the plates have expired - can your sis take the battery out? If and when he does come back, he will need to be driven from your sis's by someone else right? So might this not be a good time to lose the car altogether? It might cause a bit more agitation I know, but the car issue is going to have be knocked on the head (pun intended) at some stage, and sooner rather than later I say.

love
Georgie

BarbaraH · 08-15-2006, 08:28 PM

Hope things smooth out with your dear dad!

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) Barbara

LuvMyLilDoggie · 08-15-2006, 08:36 PM

I had to go to work after all of that so I didn't get much done today.

I called the DMV. Here in my state, they don't have a thing to fill out to request he be tested again. We have to go the route of seeing a doctor and convincing the doctor to sign a paper stating that dad has a mental condition that is irreversable or uncontrolled by medication. Then they will revoke his liscense. I know that probably won't make much of a difference but it'll make me feel a little better. The lady faxed me the papers so that I have them when dad returns. Now I have to find out when my sister will be able to do the switch (meet me at a halfway point). I can't afford to drive all the way down there and she can't afford to drive all the way here. As soon as I figure out when dad will be coming back, I'll make the appt with the doctor. I'll call the VA tomorrow to see what I need to do to get the ball rolling for the home healthcare.

Georigie, you are absolutely right. I miss my dad and am actually anxious to see him again. But I'm really scared of who I'll see when I see him. He's not the same person he was a year ago. For the first time in a long time, my job will have me away from home for about 9 1/2 hours a day. If I can get help from 7-2:30 every day, that would be good. My son leaves for school just after 7am and gets home about 2:30pm.

My head is ok now after many apologies from dh.

I don't know. I'm so confused and I don't know what else. I'm not entirely sure how I feel....

Will I be able to handle this? Will my family be able to? My son adores grandpa and my dad is using my son as an excuse to come home. He still knows my son's name but I don't think he remembers mine. He hasn't called me by name in at least two years.

Dad won't take my sister's car and he cannot be trusted to go a mile away from her house without getting lost.

Until today, I thought I was ok. I had it all together. Now this......

I keep telling myself don't worry about it....but still....I do.

Love, Barb